October 2009 I became a vegetarian. One and a half year earlier I already quitted eating meat and the years before, I had build down the amount of meat intake. It started with cutting meat delicacies out of my menu, because I didn’t like the taste anymore. Then I felt pretty nauseous preparing meat for dinner, it was the smell of death that revolted me. The smell of fried/baked meat I could handle, but the taste was never in relation to the smell. As if the taste was gone after preparing the meat.
In one moment I decided to stop eating meat. It was no longer a must to eat it, I found out that it was quite possible to eat no meat but stay healthy. I ate more cheese, eggs, nuts etc. Than after a few months I found out through an article on Desteni that stopping cold turkey wasn’t a great thing to do to myself. Being an A positive I was able to quite meat entirely, but I had to do it gradually to not bring my body in a shock. I started eating meat again 4 times a week and builded it down to no meat in one and a half year. I was really glad I could stop eating meat now.
During this whole period I found out that there was even animal abuse in slaughter houses for biological meat and animal abuse in general became one of my concerns. I figured, eating no meat would at least cut out my meat demand on the market. It made me feel like I took my responsibility. Than I heard different sounds from Bernard, he said that we were not yet entirely able to stop eating meat, because the side effects were still too much. On another occasion I heard at the Desteni forum someone saying that not eating meat wasn’t going to take the animal abuse away. These things made me wonder and encouraged me to honestly investigate me being a vegetarian. Why did I become a vegetarian? What did I gain by becoming a vegetarian? Which emotional charges are there attached to this whole issue?
I became a vegetarian because I didn’t liked meat in general. Not liking food is eating with emotions and emotions are not for real. So I refused eating meat on a bases of a delusion/fiction/not real and not of the physical. If I had nothing to eat and somebody would offer me a piece of meat, would I than tell this person than, I’m a vegetarian! I don’t think so.
What I gained by becoming a vegetarian is attention. I had no idea in the beginning, but something simple as going to dinner to a friends house, became a big issue. Or people didn’t invited me out of fear for not knowing what to cook or they went overboard and bought all kinds of stuff. It gave me positive and negative attention and it became part of my personality.
The emotional charges that are attached to my vegetarianism are: feeling special, feeling good about myself, feeling healthy, feeling somebody by saying:”I’m a vegetarian.”, feeling the victim of the Italian meat eating society, feeling not understood, feeling forced by myself to not eat meat.
To illustrate how all these charges, beliefs and justifications are infused inside of me only through one word: vegetarianism, I illustrate how a night out looked like.
We as a family (partner and 2 kids) were invited to a birthday party that was held in a restaurant. The person who’s birthday it was knows I’m a vegetarian and also my kids. He informed the restaurant and they confirmed that it was no problem to them. When we arrived our kids were asked if they wanted to eat in the restaurant with us or eat something on the street. This birthday was in a small village where there was a food festival so one could eat practically everywhere. Food in Italy means meat. The kids choose to eat in the restaurant, they knew there was something arranged for us. The first courses was all salad/vegetable things so that went well. Then the pasta arrived and they were stuffed with ham. Then people around you start interfering, saying things like: just take the meat out, eating meat once isn’t a big issue isn’t it. I decided to take the meat out and eat it. It was a free meal and not having much money right now made me decide to eat it. Than the waitress told us that the main course was rabbit and chicken. So I asked what they had in mind for the 3 of us, and she said that she wasn’t informed about us being vegetarians. She went to the kitchen to see what she could arrange. She offered us a truffle omelet, because they have most of the time no idea what to come up with. We ate a piece of the tasteless omelet and than a really fat man came and sat at our table. The meat wasn’t yet on the table, people were just waiting for it. He took our omelet and ate a huge piece of it. I stumbled:”hey that’s my main course your eating.” He didn’t care. The man ate also a huge amount of meat while I was talking to the people next to me about weight. I tried to explain about eating with emotions and gaining weight. All of a sudden the man left and I felt good.
It all starts even before a night out. Making sure the restaurant is informed. This feels like a battle and than the relieve when it is possible to eat something decent and not only vegetable entries. The disappointment of the restaurant that’s not being informed or some sort of a miscommunication. My vegetarian main course being almost eaten by a fat person that didn’t cared about who’s food it was. Me getting back at him while talking about emotion eating.
Vegetarianism in real life for me has been only about personality, ego and emotions. Did this solve the animal abuse? No I added in fact more general abuse. So I’m not proud of myself, but I can learn from it and see where I still have my issues. I started to eat some meat again for the only reason that I still need some meat. I monitored how my body reacted, but all was fine.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become a vegetarian and identify Self with it.
I’ll stop identifying Self with being a vegetarian. It’s a delusion and build on faulty arguments.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to dislike the taste/smell of meat.
I’ll no longer dislike the smell/taste of meat since these are emotions and therefore not real. Meat is meat and here for us to sustain us.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel glad about stopping my meat intake.
I’ll no longer participate in the feeling of being glad about not eating meat. It’s a feeling and therefore not real.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to stop cold turkey with eating meat.
I’ll never bring my body at risk of going into shock again. I’ll first investigate and than apply and live the knowledge.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel like a responsible being by not eating meat.
Taking responsibility has nothing to do with eating or not eating meat. Being responsible is taking care of my body so I won’t die out of ideas/beliefs.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel my personality being attacked after hearing about side effects and not eating meat.
I’ll never let my personality take over Self and feeling attacked. Instead of seeing that it’s a “attack” on my personality and it cannot hurt me.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be in the centre of attention and enjoying it.
I’ll no longer participate in emotion like attention and being in the centre for motives that aren’t real either.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to like all attention, positive and negative.
I’ll stop participating in this polarity of positive and negative. I’ll stop being a junk to this energy that makes me even like the negative attention.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to let vegetarianism become personality.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel a somebody by being a vegetarian.
I’ll stop and get rid of my personality and become a being who now and them eats meat. According to what my body requiers.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel special being a vegetarian.
I’ll no longer feel special over a fake identity.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel good about myself being a vegetarian.
I’ll stop feeling good about myself through something outside myself that isn’t real and isn’t stable.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel healthy by not eating meat.
I’ll stop feeling healthy through ideas and beliefs. Health is a physical reality and ideas/beliefs are not real.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel a victim being a vegetarian.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel not understood by being a vegetarian.
I’ll stop feeling a victim/ not being understood. It’s the outflow/consequences of taking on the identity of a vegetarian.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to force myself into not eating meat.
By taking on this identity i forced myself into not eating meat. I’ll stop this behavior at this very moment. I’ll no longer abuse myself.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel agitated when people interfere with my personality/ego.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel the victim and be disappointed about a miscommunication.
I’ll no longer let myself go into emotions when people interfere with my personality/ego. I’ll undo myself from this fake identity and breath.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel mad at the fat man.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not being able to stand knowing it was all personality based.
The fat man was showing/reflecting to me how incapable I was in standing within my fake identity.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel good about myself when getting even at the fat man.
I’ll no longer abuse somebody else who’s only reflecting my behavior. I choose revenge instead of learning a lesson in that moment.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to add more abuse to the world.
I’ll stop adding more abuse to the world for nothing than fake reasons. No more justifications abuse has to stop.