It’s almost as if money is falling from the sky. It’s the end of the tourist season, or at least the large amounts of tourist that’s coming to our region is over. So I’m left with 1 cleaning job and my work as a dressmaker. More time to write and more time to reflect, but inevitable more worries about how to earn money for the basic needs in our life as a family of 4.
Okay, having this said I reveal to myself that I’m still existing within the survival mode. How can I not? We all are surviving, but what I have done was stepping out of my victim role. I no longer pity myself for being in my current situation. I stood up and I’m directed myself within this life of poverty, poverty as in Western poverty. I still own the stuff I had before I went into poverty, I have my computer and my internet connection. The only thing that is lacking is a stable job and a stable income.
Last week my parents gave us €400,- to buy a wood burning stove to keep the living room warm. Wow a nice surprice. We moved the 4 of us into our spacious living room. P. moved his office downstairs, I moved all my sewing machines into the living room and the kids their computers. It’s cosy, but we also have to adapt to the new situation. Watching video’s can now only be done with a headset on, I was used to listen to the video’s and work at the same time. But I easily will give up these habits for a warm room, because working behind the computer or sewing machine at a temperature of 11 degrees Celsius isn’t fun anymore.
So as I said my cleaning job within tourism has ended and one of my employers decided to give me a bonus for all the efforts I had unconditionally done when working for them. Wednesday they gave me €200,- and I normally earn €8,- per hour. To me at this moment that’s a lot of money. So we decided to spend it on clothes for this winter, not out of the urge to be fashionable, but to keep us warm for when the real bad weather starts. So we made a list of clothes that would be practical for this winter. J. and A. are constantly growing as teenagers so even if the clothes are still in good shape we have to replace them. We went to this huge fabric store and collected fabric for €130,-. Now I have to turn them into clothes, but that’s nothing new. When all is finished we are the proud owners of: 8 trousers, 4 long sleeve winter t-shirts, undergarments for 4 persons and 4 fleece vests. I will probably do something with the left overs, I will see.
Than on Thursday we suddenly saw on our bank account a large amount of money, €2000,-. With internet banking here in Italy one cannot immediately see where the money comes from. I was convinced that the bank had made a mistake, so I said to my partner P.: “we’re not going to touch this till we know from who it is”. We could only see that the money came from a foreign bank account. We have family and friends living in Holland, but who would send this much money without saying anything? On friday we were able to see who it came from, it was my brother and his wife. They knew about our situation and they figured we could use some money instead of unwanted advise or gifts. So no worries at the end of this month, when it comes to paying rent, gas, electricity etc.
Friday a friend of us asked if we had gone to the food bank. She has a friend that runs the food bank here in the village. I told this lady of the food bank that we hadn’t, I only would come over if I was in need. She said okay, but do come over in your car, than nobody will see what your doing and you don’t have to carry it all the way back home. How can I drive my car when I do not have any money left? Do I need to shame myself so much for going to the food supply that I’ll use my last money on gasoline? When I’m not in need of food I rather leave it there for the onces who are more in need than me. Than our friend said:” you don’t understand it, it’s already paid for with money from the European Community. If you don’t take it we have to throw it away”. So now she was putting the weight on my shoulders, if I wasn’t taking the (luxurious) food than they had to throw it away. I said, no I won’t take the food if I’m not in need for it. There are many within this village who are in need, just find them.
Than saturday my landlord said the same as our friend, “take the food, it’s excellent”. He said:” I rather want you, as a family, to have the food than somebody who really don’t need it, you are good people.” Our friend and landlord were or still are both in local politics, how come they can’t see what they are doing? They’re participating within this fucked up system of European subsidies, which certainly will stimulate fraude. The food supply here is only open twice a month so how could that help people without any money? It’s all so fucked up. If our basic needs would have been covered for, these European subventions wouldn’t exist at all. Within an equal money system I would have had a basic income and none of my current problems would have existed. No over producing of food, no food throwing away and no European subsidies fraude. The equal money system can erase many problems at the same time, which the current systems can only dream of.
We had quite some money falling from the sky the last 2 weeks. Even if it took me by surprise, it was me who was the directive principle within this. I had been sharing my life in self honesty with the people close around me and I hadn’t lost myself within shame and pity. All these people decided to share their money with us. I can only stand as my own starting point within this situation. And that’s being my own directive principle and within that being a living example. Sometimes I succeed and sometimes I fail. Still lots of work to do within not falling for the polarity of good and bad, but that’s why it’s called process.