Sylvia's writing to freedom

Money has fallen from the sky 31/10/2010

It’s almost as if money is falling from the sky. It’s the end of the tourist season, or at least the large amounts of tourist that’s coming to our region is over. So I’m left with 1 cleaning job and my work as a dressmaker. More time to write and more time to reflect, but inevitable more worries about how to earn money for the basic needs in our life as a family of 4.

Okay, having this said I reveal to myself that I’m still existing within the survival mode. How can I not? We all are surviving, but what I have done was stepping out of my victim role. I no longer pity myself for being in my current situation. I stood up and I’m directed myself within this life of poverty, poverty as in Western poverty. I still own the stuff I had before I went into poverty, I have my computer and my internet connection. The only thing that is lacking is a stable job and a stable income.

Last week my parents gave us €400,- to buy a wood burning stove to keep the living room warm. Wow a nice surprice. We moved the 4 of us into our spacious living room. P. moved his office downstairs, I moved all my sewing machines into the living room and the kids their computers. It’s cosy, but we also have to adapt to the new situation. Watching video’s can now only be done with a headset on, I was used to listen to the video’s and work at the same time. But I easily will give up these habits for a warm room, because working behind the computer or sewing machine at a temperature of 11 degrees Celsius isn’t fun anymore.

So as I said my cleaning job within tourism has ended and one of my employers decided to give me a bonus for all the efforts I had unconditionally done when working for them. Wednesday they gave me €200,- and I normally earn €8,- per hour. To me at this moment that’s a lot of money. So we decided to spend it on clothes for this winter, not out of the urge to be fashionable, but to keep us warm for when the real bad weather starts. So we made a list of clothes that would be practical for this winter. J. and A. are constantly growing as teenagers so even if the clothes are still in good shape we have to replace them. We went to this huge fabric store and collected fabric for €130,-. Now I have to turn them into clothes, but that’s nothing new. When all is finished we are the proud owners of: 8 trousers, 4 long sleeve winter t-shirts, undergarments for 4 persons and 4 fleece vests. I will probably do something with the left overs, I will see.

Than on Thursday we suddenly saw on our bank account a large amount of money, €2000,-. With internet banking here in Italy one cannot immediately see where the money comes from. I was convinced that the bank had made a mistake, so I said to my partner P.: “we’re not going to touch this till we know from who it is”. We could only see that the money came from a foreign bank account. We have family and friends living in Holland, but who would send this much money without saying anything? On friday we were able to see who it came from, it was my brother and his wife. They knew about our situation and they figured we could use some money instead of unwanted advise or gifts. So no worries at the end of this month, when it comes to paying rent, gas, electricity etc.

Friday a friend of us asked if we had gone to the food bank. She has a friend that runs the food bank here in the village. I told this lady of the food bank that we hadn’t, I only would come over if I was in need. She said okay, but do come over in your car, than nobody will see what your doing and you don’t have to carry it all the way back home. How can I drive my car when I do not have any money left? Do I need to shame myself so much for going to the food supply that I’ll use my last money on gasoline? When I’m not in need of food I rather leave it there for the onces who are more in need than me. Than our friend said:” you don’t understand it, it’s already paid for with money from the European Community. If you don’t take it we have to throw it away”. So now she was putting the weight on my shoulders, if I wasn’t taking the (luxurious) food than they had to throw it away. I said, no I won’t take the food if I’m not in need for it. There are many within this village who are in need, just find them.

Than saturday my landlord said the same as our friend, “take the food, it’s excellent”. He said:” I rather want you, as a family, to have the food than somebody who really don’t need it, you are good people.” Our friend and landlord were or still are both in local politics, how come they can’t see what they are doing? They’re participating within this fucked up system of European subsidies, which certainly will stimulate fraude. The food supply here is only open twice a month so how could that help people without any money? It’s all so fucked up. If our basic needs would have been covered for, these European subventions wouldn’t exist at all. Within an equal money system I would have had a basic income and none of my current problems would have existed. No over producing of food, no food throwing away and no European subsidies fraude. The equal money system can erase many problems at the same time, which the current systems can only dream of.

We had quite some money falling from the sky the last 2 weeks. Even if it took me by surprise, it was me who was the directive principle within this. I had been sharing my life in self honesty with the people close  around me and I hadn’t lost myself within shame and pity. All these people decided to share their money with us. I can only stand as my own starting point within this situation. And that’s being my own directive principle and within that being a living example. Sometimes I succeed and sometimes I fail. Still lots of work to do within not falling for the polarity of good and bad, but that’s why it’s called process.

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A conversation between moms 30/10/2010

I was working on my computer as one of my clients came by. My Jehova Witness client who seldom comes alone. By now, I could feel myself like a rare specie, because every time she passes by she brings somebody new with her. A few weeks ago she finally did what she had been telling for quite a while, which I hadn’t been encouraging, she bought me a Jehova witness bible in Dutch. I took it, because I had not been standing within this and I didn’t know how to get out of the situation other than lying to her. And lying wasn’t my option, but taking the bible was a big no no. I justified it with: now I’m able to show her how ridiculous her bible is. Of course I knew how deep this woman is involved within her church. When she talks about Jehova her eyes start to twinkle.

 

So we already took 2 sessions to read in this bible where she gave her perspective on it and I gave mine. The more I spoke the more I encouraged her to save me, but that’s something I can see now while stepping back. Today she came by with another woman who I had met already. The hardest part is, they all want to be clients too. So there is a double agenda going on for me here. I had already decided not to read with her in the bible anymore, we’re wasting both our time. I told her, no reading today and she felt my resistance within the whole situation. Later my daughter A. said to me:”Mom she’s getting more persistent than before”. And I also saw it. She promised me a  sewing assignment, just as the other lady did, as if they were trying to keep me interested. It was not the same as before, more capricious then ever. We only talked a bit and I was bussy keeping her of her favorite subject, Jesus. In the end one doesn’t keep Jehova witnesses away from their favorite subject. And than I thought:”If you want it this way, you can have it all the way.” Looking back on it, this is a spiteful thing to think. I felt like I was pushed into a corner, but that’s only a illusion. Only I can put me there through my feelings.

 

They always give you the same examples and I started to get annoyed and bored with them. They told me how great the love of God is and blah blah blah. So I stated:”There is no love, there exist no love and I do not “believe” in love.” Of course I freaked them out and in a way I enjoyed it. They asked me if I didn’t love my husband and my children. I said:”how can you ask me this after I explained equality to you. I love my husband and children as much as I love you, but I’m not calling it love. I call it equality.” And than I stated:” And I neither believe in the purpose of family”. Wow, I was brave, or should I say stupid? Family here in Italy is seen as more holy than the pope himself. Their minds were doing overtime and I saw how determent they were to convince me of how wrong and evil my thoughts were. Again I enjoyed it. Than the other lady said:” I love my son so much that I will cook his favorite food every lunch or dinner, that’s mother love.” I said to her:”No that’s self interest. You are in need for this feeling/energy to confirm that you’re a good mom, a person that nobody wants to miss. So you’re forcing your son into loving you, only because you need this warm feeling?” She totally disagreed of course and than she said:” I even make him his favorite food when I don’t want to, and that’s what strong love is.” I literally jumped on top of her and said:”That’s even worse!!” She looked at me as if I came from another planet. I said:”don’t you see what you’re doing? This is even worse than the first example you gave me.” She had really no clue, but the word self interest had done something inside her. She was shaken and not sure anymore. I said:”see how addicted you are to this energy of wanting to be a good mom. You even push through emotional resistances, which by the way are an illusion, just to get your energy shot.”  Than she said after taking in the whole conversation of today:” How you put it, it sounds like I’m a robot. No no no I’m not a robot.” I reminded her of a previous conversation in which she had concluded the same. She couldn’t recall it, she said. She was puzzled and the other was holding firm on to her bible.They changed subject and said that it was already late and they had to go home. It was obvious that I stirred their emotions/feelings around and maybe I had been effective within this conversation, but my starting point was all wrong. I started the conversation because I was annoyed and bored with them and I felt guilt for not standing when she handed me the bible a few weeks ago. In a strange way I was getting even with them and even enjoyed it. So that’s not what equality is all about and this didn’t make the equality equation.

 

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself for not standing as life and taking the bible from R. instead of telling her up front that I’m not interested in her bible or religion nor participating within any religion.

 

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to believe that there was no way out and therefore had to take the bible from R.

 

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to justify the acceptance of this bible with a possible way to show R. how wrong she is.

 

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to encourage R. to the point that she wants to save me.

 

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to believe that R. and her friends can’t just be clients I have to listen to their religious propaganda.

 

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to not entirely stand therefore R. is feeling my resistance. The resistance of wanting to keep them as clients, but not wanting to talk religious stuff anymore, because we’re heading nowhere.

 

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself not to confront R. with her dishonesty to keep her happy as my client. Instead of being equal to her and not accepting this bullshit from her I stood in inequality.

 

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to have spiteful thoughts towards R. And justified these thoughts with the idea that she had been asking for the treatment I gave her.

 

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to feel pushed into a corner, knowing that these feelings are not real, although I acted on these feelings.

 

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to get annoyed and bored with R. and her friend instead of seeing that I was annoyed and bored with myself for not standing as life.

 

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to enjoy freaking R. and her friend out, instead of being one and equal to them. Not willing to see that they are in a self delusional phase of process and therefore it’s impossible to communicate at the same level at this moment in the here. with them

 

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to seek this energetic charge out of this encounter.

 

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to feel guilty about me not standing within conversations with R.

 

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to enjoy getting even with R. and her friend, knowing that I was as responsable as them for the situation we created.

 

When and as I see myself participate in seeking energy from conversations with R. I stop, I breathe. Within this I realise that I’m directing me and not the energy such as annoyance or boredom. I stop, I breathe. I will no longer participate within this pattern of energy seeking.

 

When and as I see myself participate within the feeling of being the victim and not able to direct myself. I stop, I breath. Within this I realise that I can direct myself and do not have to participate within these religious conversations to keep R. and her friends as my clients. I stop, I breathe. I will no longer participate within the pattern of being the victim instead of being my own directive force. So I will no longer participate within their religion through talking to them and feeding their need to save me.

 

 

Using my birth name 21/10/2010

Filed under: Uncategorized — enomis @ 21:27

A couple of days ago I received a comment on one of my You Tube video’s from DesteniIncome that started of with:”1968piov thank you…”. That turned out to be my trigger point and than the same day or a day later I saw Bernard’s video on “The future of the internet”.

When I was setting up my first You Tube channel, I, by mistake typed the password in the box of the username. When the channel was created I saw the consequences of that mistake. I was frustrated, I hadn’t read and clearly not understood correct what was expected from me, I was in a hurry. Always when I’m in a hurry I make mistakes, because in all these cases I’m not in the here, but up in my mind. Soon I found out that it was irreversible, I left it alone. The only reason for starting the channel, back than, was to watch the desteni video’s. I had not subscribed to anyone, neither made friends or had any subscribers.

Than I posted my first video and my second and it didn’t felt right under the 1968piov name. I tried again if by now I maybe could change my username, but of course not. People started subscribing and I sub’d back, so in fact I was enlarging the problem. At this moment, I couldn’t see through the eyes of my mind, to find a way out of this domino effect. So I said to myself, it’s only a name, but it felt dis-honest and I was stuck into this state of mind. Also my partner said: “the only way to change your name is to open another channel”. I had already opened another channel for the subbing and that was, in the end, not impossible to do. But no action from my part to create a third channel, I was worried about the amount of work that probably would come along with it. So the comment and the video did trigger this point of willing to change my name again, which was stored somewhere in the back of my mind. On the forum I asked for a quick solution/fix, but as I already knew, there wasn’t any. Therefore I took my responsibility and created a new e-mail address and opened a new channel.

At the open forum my first reaction was stating that the only place where I hadn’t used my own name was on my You Tube channel. Than I looked again at the words “real name” and I felt confused. Of course this meant only one thing, dis-honesty. So I redefined what according me, was meant by a “real name”. I had heard already so many times, ones real name is ones birth name. And I felt a shock, because there was only one place where i did used my birth name. When I enrolled in the SRA program.  For 14 years now I haven’t been really clear about using the right name and I do not mean my name, I mean my last name. Since 14 years I’m married and I started to use my husbands name, than 4 years ago when we immigrated to Italy I had to use my birth name again. In Italy women cannot use their husbands last name. There the confusion started, I randomly used my both last names. A year ago I decided to only use my birth name whenever it was asked. I didn’t consider changing the name in all the places where I had left it behind on the internet.

From this point on I started looking back, why I in the first place had been using the last name of my husband when I got married. The justification I used back than, wasn’t really valid. In that time I worked with children and their families and it always confused me whenever the mom had another last name than the child. I didn’t know how to call them and address a question to them. So I decided that this confusion had to be stopped by me through carrying the name of my husband. In fact the real reason when I look back now in self-honesty was; through changing my name in my husbands name I felt more accepted, it unconsciously felt like I owned him and he owned me as this kind of fake security and it was the energy binding that confirmed our relationship.

Over the last year we agreed upon changing our relationship into an agreement for as far we see the points clearly where to change the energy addiction into equality. It’s a long way, but I’m willing to take it on and to put effort in it, so it will be best for all.

Within this whole changing name issue I looked down on my hand and saw my wedding ring. When we agreed upon an agreement I felt that I should take of my wedding ring. I justified it with: it’s just a ring, I like the ring so I wear it as “just a ring”. But this was a delusion… I muscle tested if I had any attachments to the ring as in energy, and indeed I was through the ring still holding on to the relationship and the energy that was attached to it. I tested for a emotion or a feeling and I found out that the ring represented a feeling. It tested out as the feeling, worshipful. Meaning, I’m adoring the relationship. This relationship that stands for feeling safe, not being all alone. And therefore fearing the polarity of being left alone and not being safe anymore. Than I tested if taking of the ring would break the “spell”  and symbolically end this energy thread and it tested, yes. So I will take of the ring as my husband did already years ago, because he didn’t like the feel of it on his finger and hand. He has never put so much emphasis onto the wedding ring as I did.

Wow, I’m really glad that I cleared this point for myself. Okay now some self-forgiveness.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to be frustrated about the mistake I made after typing my user name in the pass word box.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to do things in a hurry and for taking the setting up of a channel lightly.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to ignore myself when I knew I was acting out of dis-honesty while using the channel with the wrong name.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself for not being here while creating my first channel, instead of taking this step by step, breathe by breathe.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to use the channel for equality while acting out of inequality.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself for looking through the eyes of my mind, knowing that being in the mind isn’t being in reality. Therefore it is impossible to find a way to solve problems within reality while being in the mind.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself for not taking any action to create a third channel while I knew that was the only solution.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to fear changing my channel, due to losing my subscribers.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself for not taking responsibility right away to change the channel.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to aim for a quick fix and wanting others to deliver it to me.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to state that I had been dis-honest only in one place when it came to my name, while in fact I had ben honest in only one place.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to react on the fact that I had been in ignorance when it came to self-honesty about my last name.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to fear the thought about the amount of work that would come along with changing channels.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to not consider to remove the dis-honest last names on the internet when I decided to use my birth name.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to feel confused about my last name.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself feel confused and let it direct myself.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself for being dis-honest about me using my husbands last name.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to feel more accepted while using my husbands last name.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to unconsciously feel that I owned my husband by using his last name and through this ownership feeling safe from the rest of reality.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to believe that energy was needed to confirm my relationship.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself  to justify me wearing my wedding ring for dis-honest purposes.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself for holding on to the relationship through the wedding ring.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself for adoring my relationship and therefore having all these feelings along with it as feeling safe and not alone.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself for holding on to the symbolic meaning of my wedding ring by still wearing it.

After I recognized my trigger point I was able to act in self-honesty and created a third channel. So I was able to act in the best interest of all by dismissing my dis-honesty.

I finally had the strength to look in self-honesty to the point of me wearing a wedding ring and I came to the conclusion that I can break the “spell” by taking of my wedding ring. I will no longer participate within energy and relationship between me and my partner.

 

Watching soaps. 18/10/2010

Filed under: Uncategorized — enomis @ 20:40

Yesterday when going upstairs to get a print out of the printer, I noticed my son (J), watching video’s behind his computer and I asked him what he was watching. I looked at the screen and saw immediately what he was watching, a Dutch soap called Spangas. It’s about kids in middle school and quite long winded. I  was in an attempt to go downstairs again, but I started watching along with J. I was ambivalent about the fact if I should watch the soap or not and felt bad while doing so. I stood there in front of the computer, like frozen and not able to move. I watched the whole 30 minutes, during those 30 minutes I started to breathe more heavenly as if my throat was shrimping. My saliva became thick and sticky and though to swallow. When I went back into my studio I knew there was something of. I did get these memory flashes from about 3 to 4 years ago, when I watched this soap a lot, together with “As the World turns”  and the Ophra Winfrey show. All daily returning tv programs which I watched in the first year after my immigration to Italy. I didn’t had much to do back than, I stopped my interior design business in Holland and I hadn’t made a lot of friends yet. My partner went 2 weeks a month back to Holland to finish an assignment, 1 week a month traveling through Italy and 1 week with me and the kids. So I mainly was home alone being a house wife and taking care of the kids. In that same period I experienced hyperventilation attacks and those started the same as how I felt yesterday. It felt like I was back in that moment of watching the soaps again, sucked back into an old pattern. Also today I have been on and of very oppressed, like my throat pipe is half the size in diameter. So I knew I had to investigate this point to avoid further complications and compounding of this point. I stopped watching these programs after I started with the Desteni materials. I saw that it was all a distraction of what really matters and I did it to not face myself. Looking back I realise that I hadn’t done self forgiveness on it, because back than I didn’t know yet about Self-Forgiveness. So it had to come up some day and yesterday was the day.

I did a chart on the event of yesterday and found out that I have to do SF on the desire of not wanting to watch the soap while actual watching it.

So I know now that watching a soap is my trigger point for entering this pattern. A pattern that I didn’t experienced, so extensive, for about 2 years. I started watching soaps with a daily sequence, to create this stable point outside me to  distract myself. I had to find a stable point inside me and therefore, face myself. The real point that was underneath this all caused physical outflows in the form of hyperventilation attacks, which happend without any announcement or recognizable motive. It just happend while I was for instance eating and choking in my food, than the coughing changed into a hyperventilation attack. Or just during ironing, while I wasn’t thinking about stressful things nor was I in an actual stressful situation. Back then I hadn’t the faintest idea of what was behind these attacks. I blamed it on the fact that I was alone a lot and taking care of everything. I had to talk to workmen who came over and had to fix things like the internet/electricity/telephone etc., while I hardly spoke Italian at the time. I also thought that the whole immigration event was having more impact on me than I was willing to admit. So yesterday I experienced it again, relived the whole event, luckily enough not as severe as it was before. It didn’t go further than the tinkling in my nose and fingertops. So along the line I must have done some effective SF, but I haven’t touched the core point yet. I was sure that this goes far more deeper than feeling discomfort about a situation. So I did muscle communication on it and I found out that it is an automated pattern which occurs when I’m in certain situations, in this case the soap I watched.

Back than I couldn’t over look my situation. We were waiting in our bad manufactured Italian rented house till our house in Holland was sold, we needed some cash to buy a new house here in Italy. We sold the house so badly and than we won a court case against the buyers to be, but we’ve never got paid the amount of money the judge ordered. We didn’t have any money left to buy something new and it took us a while to find out that taking a mortgage without any possession of money wasn’t possible. So I felt no direction in my life on how to go further and I wasn’t able to direct myself in this period within this point.

The idea of restoring or building our dream house was on my mind for quite some time and even I didn’t know what direction to take at that point in life I wasn’t able to let go of the idea of building our dream house. I was very protective about this idea and I felt that I was worthy to build such a house and worthy to live in such a house.

So the hyperventilation attacks were a reflection of the fear of not being in control over my situation and me feeling as the victim of the whole event. Having these attacks felt like having no control over my breath and breathing, really believing that I could die any moment and grasping for my last breath.

The soap I watched yesterday triggered the automated pattern of the fear to lose control over my situation and I relived it all. Since I haven’t done SF on all the points yet, it was possible to reoccur again. So I will do SF to address the still present fears/emotions/feelings/thoughts/beliefs.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to not stand in that moment and decided to watch the soap.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to fall into an old habit of watching soaps again, knowing that it wouldn’t lead me anywhere.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to believe that by watching this soap I could be for a moment in a state of zombiness without consequences.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to participate within the polarity of wanting to watch the soap and at the same time feeling bad about myself while watching the soap.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to be captured by my mind and not being able to unfreeze myself and walk away from the computer.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to feel being sucked into a pattern, but not standing and doing what is best for all.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to go into my memories and reliving the past instead of being here in every moment and every breathe.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to regret not having my own studio anymore and having to stay home all the time.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to think that I didn’t have much to do when we first immigrated, instead of facing myself I used my time to numb myself with watching soaps.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to feel pity for myself, being alone with the kids all the time.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to long for  energy within the relationship while my partner was gone a lot of the time.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to fear the experience of hyperventilation.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to believe that I could die from hyperventilation.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to believe that I myself couldn’t do much about the attacks.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to fear for a  hyperventilation attack, already at the point where only my nose or fingertips were tinkling.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to feel my life as a life without any direction, just overwhelming and happening to me.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to not direct myself in a period where I felt without direction. Instead of knowing that I’m the director and creator of my own life.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to abuse myself by not taking any direction/responsibility for my actions/feelings/emotions/thoughts.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to be possessed by the idea of building my own dream house.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to believe that ounce I had this dream house, life would be okay and I would be happy forever. Instead of seeing that this believe was a camouflage of my mind.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to be the victim in my own created situation, when not feeling in control over my life.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to feel not being in control over my life, while I’m manifesting my own creations.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to think that I wasn’t in control over my breathe, instead of seeing that I’m breathe.

When and as I see myself participating within this pattern of fear to lose control. I stop, I breath. Within this I realize that I’m fearing me, instead of facing myself in every breath and every moment. I stop, I breath and will no longer participate within this pattern. I see that the energy of this experience is directing me instead of me directing me within self-responsibility.

When and as I see myself participate within the pattern of hyperventilation. I stop, I breath. Within this I realize that going into a hyperventilation attack is leading me into fear and therefore not leading me anywhere. I stop, I breathe and will no longer participate within this energy based pattern.