I’ve been caught up in a health construct for a couple of years. I was buying organic food and started at the end of this period a raw food diet. This was in a period in which I had the money to come up with ideas as, lets buy only organic. In reality I let this food chain rob me, I participated within their publicity message of wanting to feel healthy and live long and happy ever after. At a certain point I started to dislike several beverages and foods. I convinced myself that the taste wasn’t any longer the same to the point that I literally couldn’t stand the smell or taste. I told others that this was a sign for me to no longer eat or drink the specific food or beverage.
One of those beverages was coffee. I started to drink coffee when I was about 25 out of practicality. I worked as a social worker and I was constantly at peoples houses for intake screenings. At the time my clients were ready to offer something to drink I used to ask for a tea. Than they had to put the kettle on and draw the tea, after serving it the tea was boiling hot and by the time I could drink it I was off for my next appointment. So I started drinking coffee. When I met my partner P. he introduced me to espresso, the real Italian one. He told me that it tasted like a little bonbon, when I drunk it I experienced what strong coffe was like. Also this coffee I learned to drink, I didn’t want to disappoint my husband to be and his passion. One and a half year ago I stopped drinking coffee, when I drank it the coffee tasted like earth. I did try it another few times to see if this weird taste was gone, but no. So coffee was listed on my black list from now on.
This morning while P. was making himself a coffee I asked if he could make some more so I could join him. P. thought that I said: “For how many people are you making coffee?” So P. responded with: “How many people are coming over? Did I miss something here”. No I said, I’m asking you to make some more coffee so I can have some too. His eyes were almost popping out. “You are going to drink coffee?”, he said. I was indeed going to drink coffee, knowing now what the mind can trick us into and knowing what an intellectual startle a health construct can give you. I needed to find out for myself how I was going to react while drinking coffee and being free of this health construct.
I drank the coffee and I had no opinion about the taste, it was coffee. I wasn’t thrilled and I wasn’t disappointed. Quite an unusual experience to just be here in the moment in every breath drinking a cup of coffee. No pictures/feelings/emotions were attached. Wow, it’s possible to drink or eat without any energy charges!
I will keep on drinking coffee, just to not limit myself and to see if it assist my stool. Normally my stool is okay, but now and then I have these periods of disturbance. No future projections just taking it step by step.
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to participate within a health construct.
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to believe that organic food will make me healthier and gives me a longer life expectancy.
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to participate within the money making business of organic food and lifestyle.
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to believe that the taste of the coffee wasn’t the same anymore.
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to dislike physically the taste and smell of coffee.
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to be dishonest with myself about the point why I stopped drinking coffee.
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to let outside motives determine the reason to start drinking coffee.
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to start drinking espresso out of the starting point of wanting to be seen as desirable and a good match to marry.
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to let the taste of coffee decide if I was going to drink it or not.
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to drink with emotions.