Sylvia's writing to freedom

The potato 12/12/2010

Today I investigated one of the foods that is giving me a lot of mucus recently and that’s the potato. I’ve been avoiding eating it, but in order to try it again I need to find out what definition I am giving to the potato. So I can forgive myself and apply corrective statements and live accordingly.

I muscle communicated the word typical and than typical Italian. I do not see the potato as typical Italian, so I need to search a bit more. I tested a book and found: I do think so. Okay does this mean that the potato is typical Italian? Yes. There are a lot of dishes with potatoes that’s for sure, but pasta is more typical I would say. Although gnocchi is a pasta and made out of potato. I really need more on this subject, it isn’t really making any sense. I tested again and one of the points is that I don’t see the potato as typical Italian. Jubilant is the feeling that tested out as next point. through the dictionary I came to the words “wild shout”. I have no idea. Than a book tested the following sentence: even if all that I said was “wrong”, do you know a better way to live? The information is vast, I will pause for a moment and do some breathing and concentration.

Okay I started again and tested for the feeling: protective. Protective in the sense of tending to protect, but to protect what? Lets see, since I started of with an opinion “the potato isn’t typical Italian”, could it be that I tend to protect my opinions? It tested out for yes. Than I figured it was protecting my opinion in a general way, but I found out that in this case it had only to do with my opinion about the potato.

I’m protective of my opinion out of the fear of being unworthy and that makes me feel oppress. I feel the oppression right now and I have a lot of mucus too. So I feel unworthy, me as a person, and I’ll compensate this with having an opinion. The opinion I’ll use to  give me value, so looking for self validation out side of me, outside of me through my own created opinions. Even if all that I said was “wrong”, do you know a better way to live? This is me asking myself this question. This potato opinion was “wrong” and yes I do know a better way to live. To live without fear and not searching for self validation outside of me through self created opinions. I will live if I let go of this opinion and I will still be me worthy of life when I choose life instead of dishonesty. So I need to be the directive principle again within this point, my Self is “wild shouting” to let me see that I need to be the directive principle of me. Only then I can grow in self-honesty and freely live. There is no need to freeze up within this opinion I just need to let go. I just now felt my muscles being tense and my body being inflexibel, wow what a resistance over holding on to an opinion.

Every day again I witness how I hold on to so many irrelevant issues with so much persistence. How silly and how surrealistic, but this is what holds every human in a grip. This inflexibility which no one exactly understands though feels and acts upon not knowing why. We all equally need to let go of this madness in order to sort out our world. This is obvious something that will take a while for everybody to see. I’m silent, I can take care of this one. I can take care of the next point, but I can’t take care of the points of others even though I can see that their points need equally as mine to be addressed. I will continue even with points that seem irrelevant when I look at a bigger picture as our current world, but every human being’s reflection in this world adds up to the mess we are in…

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to protect my opinion about the potato even though I know it’s wrong.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to fear being unworthy, an unreal experience which makes me oppressed and gives me a lot of mucus.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to believe that having this potato opinion will give me self worth, makes me somebody.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to search for self validation outside myself within opinions that aren’t real.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to choose for dishonesty and to live within a lie.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to disregard the “wild shout” of Self and kept on living within a lie.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to manifest physically this holding on to this opinion.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to be inflexibel and persistant within this fear of unworthiness.

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