Sylvia's writing to freedom

We met the teacher on the pedestal… 13/12/2010

Tonight were the parents interviews for my daughter A.’s year and not in January as we first thought. It started at 4 o’clock and when we arrived the school was already crowded with parents and students. We decided to get in line for mathematics, we waited at least 45 minutes. In total we spoke to 3 teachers, because then the time was up. Out of the 3 teachers the one from math was the only one that was able to speak on a honest and equal level with us. He was the one who saw that A. had made quite some progress emotionally, compared to last semester. We were “hopeful” and got into the next line for the class tutor who teaches Italian, geography and history. We waited over an hour in front of the class room, many parents claimed to be in front of the other because their kid had been already in line waiting. These kids were no where to see anymore and in the end the chaos was complete. What started off as a line of waiting people was just a group of people that gathered and watched the door of the class room carefully to plunge into the room whenever the door opened. At a certain point I didn’t know anymore if I was fooled or not, so I didn’t start an argument over it. It started snowing and people got more restless than before.

When we finally were allowed to go into the class room, I was physically tired of standing in the hallway for almost 2 hours in a row and we only had been speaking to 1 teacher so far. While waiting I felt this energy starting accumulating inside myself, memories of the already so many parents interviews we’ve done over the past 9 years. So many teachers who spoke, but rather not had spoken, because they spoke out of dishonesty/believes/ideas/opinions. It all made me so mad over the years. Teachers who spoke about children as if they were a number and talking behind the child’s back. Also the memories of myself while being in school are connected to this, teachers who told me who I was without even having had a good look. Yes, this energy was one of anger and of never ever having stood up for me or my child, only acting out of emotions and feelings. So we sat down with this teacher who never sees progress even if it’s in her face. We had been correcting her in a note that we had to sign about homework that according to her wasn’t done, but in fact A. had done it. Of course she referred to it and we only said the same as in the note. This is the teacher that sees all students as equally within her mind, but in real life has obvious preferences. And than out of the blue she said: ” I do treat every student equally, I do not have preferences and all students get grades on the same grounds”. We watched her carefully while she was stating this out of the blue. She started coughing and getting uncomfortable. She didn’t picture A. attending the lyceum and prepare herself for university. “Why isn’t she going to do something artistic or something with languages”, she said. Than I got mad, I said: ” It’s up to A. to make this choice and in the current world there are not many jobs for translators and artists”. I studied art and my partner P. is translator and it doesn’t provide bread on the table and that’s not just now but already the case for several years. The teacher didn’t understand me properly, I was quite mad and had a hard time making any sense so I left it there. So no standing up. I was mad about teachers that have to prepare our kids for our world/society and they do not know anything about it. Choosing a job that’s in the best interest for all that’s what counts, all other jobs are vanity or greed based.

Another 30 minutes and we were able to meet with the teacher on the pedestal who told our daughter that her parents weren’t allowed to talk back when signing a note of him. When we came in he said: ” So you are the parents of A.?” , and than he said lets talk about the little one. We looked at each other, the little one? He wanted to discuss our son J. who is in his first year. I said: “We are here to talk about A.”. After that he started unwillingly. He did a whole story about how A. was unwilling to copy things from the blackboard or even later from her classmates. We didn’t know what to say since this sounded as quite a weird story to us, but A. wasn’t there to verify it. Then he said she didn’t study, but her technical drawings were okay. Consequently he showed us her grade list with almost all low grades. I didn’t know what to say, we had been signing for all grades so far and A. showed hardly any insufficient grades. When the note came into the conversation, we again told him that A.’s background wasn’t the same as the others and that she’s living in Italy only for 4 years now. He wasn’t impressed, only his own truth was reality.

When we tried to speak to another teacher she was already packing and leaving, so we decided to go home. What a useless and ineffective way of using our time. This whole circus is for parents to be reassured about their kids and for the teachers to have a moment to hedge themselves.

When we were home at 7 o’clock we confronted A. with the information we got from the teachers. What I suspected was true, these 2 grown ups had been lying flatly in our faces. The teacher on the pedestal had never ever checked if A. had copied the materials from the blackboard and he had never told her bout the majority of her grades. We also discussed J. with this teacher so I also saw his grades and asked him if he knew about these and he didn’t. So these students have no clue how they are doing according to their grades and they have no idea for what assignments these grades were, isn’t that dishonest and giving students a disadvantage within their semester? Why is a teacher lying towards parents? I was also angry at him, I was ready to expose him but I wasn’t sure if I was right in that moment. Exposing him out of the starting point of anger hadn’t been a good idea either. I replayed the conversations at home and discovered more inconsistencies, but confronting them with it is just bumping against the limitations of the education system. Lets put all these kind of teachers in a rehab camp as long as they are a threat to our children. When they understand self honesty, don’t do to another what you don’t want to be done onto you and what’s best for all, they can be released within society. A new society where the Equal Money System rules where there isn’t any place for teachers who do not see their students equal to themselves and where high education means preparing our children for life and teach about the living word and self forgiveness. It sounds like a dream, but we’re not as far from it as you might think.

On this point of anger towards teachers and the education system I will have to do a mind construct to get more clarity in that one, but for now some self forgiveness on the points that are obvious in the face.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to let the energy accumulate within me and let it direct me.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to become angry and therefore not being able to express myself sufficient.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to not stand for myself and my child.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to participate within  school memories and use that as a blueprint for next school experiences.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to feel hopeless when it comes to the teachers of my kids and kids in general. Not having any trust in teachers.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to fear exposing teachers while they are lying, out of not trusting my starting point and the information I have within that moment.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to feel like a teen again in front of the teacher on the pedestal and almost wanting to spit him in the face.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to become anger and not seeing that it’s anger towards myself for not standing up.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to feel unfairness instead of seeing that by participating within this feeling I make myself the victim and unable to direct myself.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to not be certain and not directing myself within my life.

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