Sylvia's writing to freedom

What did I learn so far? 17/12/2010

I’m now living 42 years on this globe and what did I learn till so far?

I learned to be “good”, so that others reckon me as a “good person”. Being “good” may be at the expense of myself or others. I learned that it was okay to have the opposite thoughts within my secret mind in the same moment as being good. So for instance doing my homework, but at the same time to spite my teacher for the homework within my secret mind. Doing everything that people ask of me if this is going to portrait me as being “good” and at the same time hating this people for asking me to do things for them. I learned that this was the way to cope within society and family, but I always could feel the friction and the shame for what I did. I wasn’t able to understand this experience or to direct myself within and according to this information. Nobody ever learned me that being a “good” person attracted the opposite within my life. So simple, but yet not taught within my entire life.

I learned that I was less than others. My little brother liked to tell me how he saw me as less intelligent. My other family members didn’t say it, but acted like it. Within the school system where I was not more than average I was seen as less. All this enhanced my inherited feeling of worthlessness. So I learned to eliminate and suppress myself throughout life. I wasn’t worth anything so why bother to consider myself within the equation of life? The few people who learned me that I was worth something, learned me to stick up for myself no matter what. Through this I learned how to be egoistic and to put myself at the first place, because I was worth it and special. Nobody ever learned me that by perceiving myself as less or more, I learned to perceive myself as special and therefore unequal to the rest of this world. This way of living was meant to fail in one way or the other, because I didn’t consider all as equal as one. So simple, but yet not taught within my entire life.

I learned that the choices I made within my life had to be based on money. Money, they learned me, is the key to move yourself through life/society. So all choices had to be calculated and weighted, was the amount of money equal to the fortune and succes that came forth of it? When I decided to do Art school my dad said with a smile on his face: “I’m fine with your choice, but this means that you now have to find a rich man and marry him”. When I decided to never live my life on more money than my fair share my dad said with fear on his face: “I’m not sure anymore if I want you to inherit my money, because for what purpose are you going to donate/use it?” I learned about the limitations and advantages of money and had to conform myself to it in order to survive. By seeing money as the most important thing in life I changed my life into slavery. Nobody ever learned me that it is possible to change the system and to change the value of money into the value of life. So simple, but yet not taught within my entire life.

I learned to compare myself to others and played the game for being better than the rest. This stimulated a sense of distinguishing myself from the others and form an identity for myself around it. I specialised myself in being more special and original than everybody else. To always find the yet undiscovered solutions and feel as a failure when I didn’t meet up to my own expectations. Nobody ever taught me that instead of individualising myself and therefore separating myself from the rest would only bring more separation into the world. So that everybody would compare and compete with each other and not seeing the value of working together and functioning as a group. So simple, but yet not taught within my entire life.

I learned that friendship/relationships were the most important way of bounding with other humans if I didn’t want to end up all alone and miserable. When I was 3 years old I met my first girlfriend and this felt like heaven. After many many times of moving from one city to another she still was my  best friend till I was about 20 years old. All other people I met I compared to her and no one could measure up to her. In all other relations I felt like I was playing the second violin, I was never ever some one’s best friend again. So I gave up on friendships and relationships for a long time. No one ever learnt me that we are programmed to search for that same energetic feeling we had within our first friendship/relationship. Within giving up on friendships I was giving up on my self and separated myself from all the others. So simple, but yet not taught within my entire life.

I learned that love was the ultimate way to conquer all that seemed impossible and bad. Love would make the most difficult situations work, love from your family would made you feel appreciated and would give you self worth. Love is something you can give in great amounts and people who receive it will benefit from it. If we send love/money to the third world it will flourish again. Spreading love through the words of the gospel will heal the world. Giving love in the form of spiritual energy it will help people to heal themselves and a better world will occur. No one ever told me that giving love wasn’t possible, it’s merely an idea within our mind and not transmittable. Nobody ever learned me what it meant to love my neighbour as myself and therefore look every neighbor straight in the eyes, because I have no secret mind shit going on. So simple, but yet not taught within my entire life.

All these points were accumulating and turning into rotting fish and I knew there was something off. So I started to search in various directions to see how I could answer the questions I had asked myself so many times. I deluded myself as many times as I asked the questions, but I was determined to find the answers. Accidentally I came across Desteni where all my answers about “being good”, “being less”, money, competition, friendship, love and many many more questions were answered. Not only were my questions answered I also learned how to deal with it and take responsibility for it in real life and how to better/perfect myself to become equal and one to all life. To do the equality equation and to fully understand the words common sense. The best part is that I learned how to better myself and within doing so to better the world I’m part of together with all the others who walk the same path as me. I”m still in my early period of my process and there is still so much to tackle, but simply knowing and experiencing that I wasn’t going crazy and what I went through probably everybody is going through. One person wants to act on finding these answers and start process and the other chooses to stay ignorant and reject process on earth.

This process we are in at Desteni will bring forth world equality and an Equal Money System in order to live a dignified live without the fear for survival and the need for competition. It might have started of as a “future projection”, but the stadium of “fantasy” as some would call it has gone. We are busy implementing the EMS through the Desteni Income Plan which is running at this very moment. So world equality here we come to say goodbye to life as we have known it.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to suppress myself in order to be a good person.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to be spiteful in order to be a good person.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to hate people in order to be a good person.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to participate within the secret mind in order to be a good person.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to be ashamed for participating within the secret mind.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to feel less intelligent than others.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to believe others who told me I was less intelligent than others.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to participate within the feeling of better or less, at my own expense or the expenses of others.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to perceive myself as more special and therefore being unequal to the rest of the world.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to make choices based on money.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to see money as the most important thing in life and therefore made myself a slave to money.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to believe in competition and constantly compare myself to others to see if I’m more special and unique than others.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to experience myself as a failure when I didn’t meet up to my own expectations of finding an original solution.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from all the others by individualising myself.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to believe that in order to stay happy and part of society I had to make friendships.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to compare all my friendships/relationships to my first one and searching constantly for the same energetic charge.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to give up on friendships and therefore giving up on myself with the result of separating myself from society.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to believe that love will give me self worth instead of directing myself and therefore being certain of myself.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to believe that love will solve and conquer all.

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