Sylvia's writing to freedom

Where do I stand 08/01/2011

After writing some comments on Facebook today and writing about self-trust, I looked back on my process so far. I had to admit towards myself that I’ve been making progress, I’ve been taking on quite some points and I indeed gained more self-trust on these points.

It became so clear to me that I’m not those points based in fear and points of ego/personality which I always saw as a part of me and that I do have the power to not participate within them. Stopping myself and experiencing and living what breath really means.

In the beginning, 2,5 years ago, I understood the word breath and I defined the word breath according to my mind. Without breath there will be death, that was my actual understanding of the word. I had no idea that I could take back my power over myself by simply breathing. The breathing and the 21 days breathing I saw as an impossible mission, now I’ve proven to myself that it can be done.

While taking on several points I realized that I’ve only yet been scratching the surface and that it takes patience, time and breath to get to the core of it, but I will. I’m determined and I trust myself enough that I will get there.

A few blogs ago ( I can’t stand my physical body for showing me reality and the truth about myself) I found out that I fear the death of my ego, after writing that blog I also discovered that it had also to do with the fear of not rebirthing as the physical due to the amount of time I statistically have when it comes to life expectation. I’m not old, but I’m not 18 anymore. So I made peace with it, I can only do so much within self-honesty and within time. I’m simply passing the baton to my children and to everybody that’s living longer than me and willing to stand. I do not want to live my life with this one goal, rebirthing,  like a sword hanging over my head. This would mean specialness and ego again, so I walk my process in self-honesty and see where I end up, in a way it doesn’t matter as long as my process is done in the best interest of all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in fear and to let the fear take over.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I’m my ego and that my personality is real and me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I wasn’t in a position to take back my power.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I within ego was real and had all the power I needed.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that breath is only a physical necessity instead of seeing that breath is life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see breathing as an impossibility.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe I can not rebirth myself as the physical due to age and make this my most important goal in life, instead of taking my process for what it is without any specialness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be special when rebirthing myself as the physical.


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