Tonight I worked together with my Partner P. on his blog. After not yet having answered the first e-mail P. received an extensive second e-mail from his brother yesterday. P. read it, we read it and the kids listened to it on their request. P. and I , we both had reactions, but we let it sink in to work with it later. That night in bed P. told me that he had quite some emotions and feelings to the presented information in the e-mail of his brother. I told him that he had to write about it to get a clear vision on what it is that’s bothering him. Today I realized that I should be more supportive for him than only telling him what to do. I need to be equal to him and work with him on the issues he has right now, I can’t let him do it all by himself and then commenting on it. When P. came home tonight I suggested to work together on the e-mail and to assist and support him in finding out why he has certain reactions and then in a later stage dig deeper.
While working together I realised that my extensive work through the SRA course has given me an advance on P. In fact this wasn’t a point of unequally or separation, just a cool point to help and push P. a little bit further then he would have done when dealing with it alone. Knowing that there is always more underneath the issue one is dealing with. We took baby steps, but it sure is a beginning. Sometimes when P. couldn’t reach out for the point he was looking for or dealing with and where I had an idea what it was all about, I searched within myself for a memory of events that explained the emotion or feeling we were possibly dealing with. Sometimes there was a connection and sometimes there wasn’t. Also this is a cool point to realize that we can only see things through our own eyes and in working together we search for memories/feelings/emotions to relate to each other and bring about a 1+1= 2 equation.
Within 15 years of marriage we have been talking things through extensively. Looking back on it now I can see the difference when you do it from the starting point of self-honesty and not to feed your ego to generate energy. This wasn’t the first conversation in this way, but it was the first time helping each other equally within self-honesty, instead of only reacting in self-honesty to each other. Communication without wanting something from the other, other than in the best interest for all. While P. worked through his points I worked through mine. Where this e-mail first was a point of changing my reality through emotions and feelings it’s now an e-mail and a point of few of someone who didn’t use the equality equation nor common sense. I’m no longer judging him for it or blame him for our twisted relationship. I will take responsibility for all my reactions and use that to see where still my ego rules.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge another for his opinions, instead of looking inside what my reactions are telling me.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate within my ego and feel attacked on my personality when someone speaks his mind about me through another person while I know this isn’t true.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in feeling less than the presented information and therefore wanting to take revenge on the writer to feel more than the presented information. While I know that equality can never be reached by participating within a polarity.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel unsupportive towards P. last night.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame another for not seeing me according to my picture of myself.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel defeated while not being able to communicate effective with P.’s family.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel the victim of miscommunication and blaming myself for not being able to be effective enough.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge or blame my brother-in-law for our twisted relationship.