Sylvia's writing to freedom

Sinking ship 16/01/2011

Today, while making lunch, I got caught up in the mind. The mind was randomly searching through my vast amount of memories and started like a jukebox playing one of them. This one had really nothing to do with the moment I was physically in, there wasn’t even a smell, a thought or a sound that triggered it.

It was a memory from an event that happend approximately 10 months ago. It was in the first weeks after I had shaved my head walking in the main street of our village and bumping in one of my neighbours and her sister from across the street. The sister looked at me as if she saw an alien and my neighbor A. who isn’t easy to shock made a comment on my head. We started talking and I gave my flyer in which I explained my reasons for shaving my head, I do this so people will remember when they look at the flyer again. She read it and said that she totally agreed with my message, but wasn’t going to join me in shaving her head. Then she became gloomy and said: “What’s the use to do anything about this world, our world is as a sinking ship and is already half way under water, there is no way we can safe it.” At first I was surprised that she agreed with me and then when she got all gloomy I saw that her answer wasn’t any different from the answers the pre-programmed majority already had given: we can’t change the system. For a moment I saw her as special and on my side, till she became gloomy. At that point in my process I wasn’t capable to expand in the Italian language on the sinking ship part. Today through this memory I looked at it again.

I do see that we can compare our world system with a sinking ship and that’s what’s happening we are half way destroying  humanity, our flora and fauna. Maybe it’s a good idea to let it sink, we can always build a new ship. Once we know why it sunk in the first place we can improve the design and build a seaworthy ship. It is never too late when we start understanding why we fucked up our world, why we let the ship sink, why we watched it and didn’t do anything. We accepted and allowed a bad design to exist in the first place and then blamed it on the design and even on the designer, overlooking the fact that we kept using the ship.

We are programmed to believe that we can’t change this world, that we need a higher force to do that for us and that we have to live as a good person to please the higher force to help us out of the shit that nor we nor our higher force have anything to do with and neither are to blame for. What are we saying here exactly? We say that we humans can’t change our current situation which we have created through our past for which we will not take any responsibility. We need someone powerful to clean up the mess we left behind since we didn’t create it and we are absolutely not capable of doing so ourselves. It will be no surprise that this belief and behaviour results in millions of zombies covering our planet. Zombies who “think” that the cure for all of this, which is stopping the mind/ego, turns them into zombies. This makes me fucking wet my pants, because I can’t stop laughing. I mean where do we start when people fear being a zombie while they ARE the fucking zombies?

I’ll say let our capitalistic ship sink, it will do it all by itself, the cause is a matter of our compounded greed. Who ever is getting through the sinking part will find himself in the shoes of Job, robbed of all his material possessions. It seems that humans have to feel first what is happening to them in order to comprehend what is happening already for decades to others. The physical is our measurement for what is real, real is what is touchable. If you physically don’t own anything touchable you know for sure that you’ve been fucked, fucked by your own creation. Maybe in that moment self-forgiveness en self-honesty will appeal to you as the best solution. Will you make it when the ship has already sunk? We can build a new one, but we need lots of hands in order to do so. Hands that are not averse to working, hands that do not fear if they’re capable, but hands that want to create in the best interest of all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel frustrated when people think we can’t change us nor the system.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel good knowing that someone else is on my side.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel surprised that someone agrees with me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel frustrated for not being able to express myself sufficient in Italian.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s