For the last couple of days I’m following the news about the Middle East, riots and looting everywhere. People being fed up with their living conditions and not longer allowing their suppressors to bully them. That in itself is a step forward and showing us that when we lose almost everything and our living conditions are low we are willing to stand up and unite. The step backwards is the fact that people tend to stand up within violence and don’t back it up with a realistic plan.
Cairo is on fire the people are sick and tired of Mubarak and his henchman. One tenth of Cairo’s population was in the streets today protesting and all borders faded away while fighting their demons. It’s really sad what happens n Cairo right now, then again when I looked at it in a realistic way I noticed that Mubarak is already 30 years in power. I was 12 when he got in office and I never asked myself if there was already another president in Egypt. The only thing I know is that Mubarak is president of Egypt. What a disinterest from my part and what a horrible long time for a population to come to this point of not taking it any longer. Egyptians were characterized as apathetic when it comes to politics, even last week reporters let us believe that the Egyptians had separated themselves from politics they simply didn’t care anymore. How wrong could they be, it was just a matter of time.
When I got the message that the Egyptian government had shut down the internet and closed the country from the rest of the world I experienced it as a serious measurement point for the compounding effect the world currently is in. Sooner or later a country would use this corrective punishment on it’s own people and Egypt chose to be the first. It’s not so much that I fear the shut down of the world wide web, because internet is an already unstoppable entity. It was given to us to clear up the crisis of the ’90 and to let us all buy computers to boost the economy. The genie came out of the lamp and isn’t planning to go back in again. I posted the message about the internet shut down on Facebook to spread this news and to look together at this point of “restriction of freedom” and seeing how quick news would spread on a social network. For hours I had no response what so ever and was disappointed. How can we accomplish anything when people do not care, I thought. Then I found the live stream tread from Al Jazeera and posted also this link on Facebook. It was not so much that I thought I could change the Egyptian situation by spreading the news it was more that I felt alone, having to wait for others to spread the real news. The news that it is us, our ugly face that’s manifesting in our world and that we have to take responsibility for it NOW!
I was waiting for others who didn’t know I was waiting for them. In fact I was waiting for myself to take action. I needed to see what was triggered inside me that I took these events so personal. I’ve been in Egypt 22 years ago so the pictures now about Egypt make sense to me I can connect them to my memories, I can relate. On the other hand I felt some sort of excitement or confirmation of the bad times we’re in. So energy was moving me and making me impatience, not wanting to wait on others yet blaming the others for not joining in. I can only take responsibility for myself and only I can take action for self-honest reasons in the best interest of all. I’m fighting against time!
Time isn’t my best friend. Time I experience as something that is limiting me. When I’m ignoring time I feel on top of my world since I have all the time of the world. If I have, lets say make dinner, before a specific time I feel restricted. In such an extent that I can feel it physically. When I’m in a waiting mode and not taking responsibility I fear not to keep up with time, when I do keep up I feel excited. It’s almost as if I want to impose my will upon time to manipulate it. So I feel good when I can ignore time/reality and do anything to manipulate time/reality to feel no limitations and do as I please. That’s a lot of feelings that move me if it comes to time. It’s time that I take responsibility for myself and it’s time to say stop to the violent events in the Middle East. I can only stop these events when I’m self-honest with the ugliness inside of me when I deal with my demons. Changing the world is only possible by changing myself and that takes TIME.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not be in touch with world events which unfold over a long period of time and not asking myself critical questions about these events. In which I ultimate prohibit myself to look from my outside world into my inside word and be critical enough to stand in self-honesty.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel alone while waiting on others to take action with me instead of realising that it is me who have to take actions. Within these actions I can be a living example and let others join in.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to move myself through energy and not as a self willed action.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fight against time.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience time as limitation.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to ignore time and therefore my reality.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to manipulate time and therefore my reality to impose my energy driven will upon it.