Sylvia's writing to freedom

The voice in my head 29/03/2011

The voice in my head is the one thing I lived with my whole live, we haven’t been separated for one day. I’m familiar with it, I trusted it for many, many years. It was the voice that made me chuckle and the voice that called me stupid or a coward. It didn’t shame itself to lash out on people, while I was holding my head still and rolling with my eyes to see if anybody heard the nasty, evil talk inside me. I identified with this voice like it was me, how could it be someone else, it was inside my head.

When looking back at all the years that I presumed this voice, my thoughts, were real. It’s peculiar to believe such a voice is real. I’ve had many occasions where my thoughts voiced by my voice in the head, were plain abusive. Self-destructive thoughts that were telling me what a low life I was, and I figured it was me talking to me. Why would I do that to myself and why would al humanity do that to themselves? Maybe the simple explanation is, that we’re all lunatics.

These thoughts in my head are made of energy generated by my own system called, mind consciousness. This is quite a subtle invention of my creator, the brown star in the sky. There are shows on television where people get an earplug in their ear to be connected with the show makers and they tell this candidate what to say. Just like the voice in our head, it’s also outside our true self,  yet part of our mind conscious system. So believing the voice as if it’s you is accepting and allowing this voice to verbally rape you while you’re not complaining since you agreed upon it’s existence and there were no witnesses to testify against it.

So I’m in a process now to no longer participate within these thoughts as energies, which is cool and doable one moment and almost impossible the next moment. You see this system knows my soft spots, since we grew up together. The system it’s goal is to accumulate more energy so it tries to trick me into all kind of thoughts that generates more emotions/feelings. By slowing myself down and reflecting upon myself within common sense I can trace back the thought and it’s origin. When I do not pay any attention and move on automated pilot, as in not being here in the physical but inside my mind, all goes fast and I’m likely to go along in this energy game of my mind.

Currently I’ve been quite satisfied with my progression and I’m having less thoughts inside my mind. These thoughts are also called the back chat, because it’s your system talking back at you. Or it’s talking evil stuff behind others their backs. Within observing this back chat closer I noticed that I didn’t have so much evil lashing out on others anymore. Then when looking even closer I noticed that my system was just tricking me into another energy game.

Yesterday I heard the screaming voice of a child on the street while hanging out of the window. It almost felt like there was coming in my mind a nasty comment about the kid, but I stopped it. Then my mind kicked in, my voice inside asked me if I could remember how I always reacted when I heard that child scream, if I remembered the comments I used to make. And then the voice comforted me and praised me for being such a good person who didn’t do this nasty back chat anymore. WTF I ended up at the same point as I started. Now I wasn’t having this back chat anymore, but instead the voice started reflecting upon my good deed and generated energy anyways. This is one fucking subtle system that shouldn’t be taken lightly. It always wants to have it his way, this voice is like a whining child in my head and I need to re-educate it.

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4 Responses to “The voice in my head”

  1. tullepie Says:

    lol yes – the voice telling what a good girl you are for stopping the thoughts – I can sooooo relate to that 🙂 It seems to be much ‘better than’ the voice putting you down, but it really is just the same voice playing it’s game, one way or another.
    Thanks for your clear writing on what back chat is – will clarify the term for people new at this.

    And, I so like the picture on top of your post!

    • Sylvia Says:

      This happend 2 or 3 times in a row and then I started wondering, it’s just a polarity.

      I indeed wrote it in a way that everybody understands what it’s about, it’s important, if one knows one can take self-responsibility.

      And the picture, yes great, the impact is just there. After writing a blog finding a picture is to me as putting the whipped cream on top of the cake.

      • tullepie Says:

        And you are good at writing clearly and to the point – so thank you for that and ‘keep them coming’

  2. sandyjones Says:

    Thanks Sylvia, cunning , baffling, powerful. I was just reflecting how many dreams I had-when i want not to dream at all!


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