This morning while going to my cleaning job at the inn/b&b of my friends J.&A., I met a Canadian guy and had a nice chat with him. We exchanged information after he asked me how life is as an expat in Italy. We almost finished the conversation when his wife walked towards us. She said, hi Sylvia how are you doing and gave me the looks of don’t touch my man. For a split second I wondered how she knew my name since I didn’t know the lady, but I saw that she had been talking to another guest who I did know. The guy walked towards his wife and she grabbed him and started kissing him, while looking at me. A weird experience to be seen as a rival while not at all being romantically occupied with this guy who was in his late fifties.
So when this couple said goodbye to the other guest and left, I asked A. if she had witnessed what just happend. She hadn’t so I told her. A. told me that their stay had been nothing than a pain in the ass, but this jealous behavior she hadn’t witnessed yet. Before this couple came over they communicated that they were holistic and were also eating in a holistic way, they sent over a list with the whole foods they didn’t eat. The first night, J. as a chef served rabbit, rabbit was not on the black list. The wife started being difficult and refused to eat the rabbit. So A. asked which part of the rabbit wasn’t whole food, the wife couldn’t give a strait answer. Finally she said she didn’t feel like eating rabbit. Then she told J. that she wasn’t going to follow his lessons in the cooking school, because she was probably better than him. J. said, well fine don’t take a lesson if you can’t learn anything from me. She took the lesson and made it into a disaster for all the other students. When the guest were gathering one night and everybody was sharing stories and having a good time, the wife kept loudly whispering, “who cares about your story”. So this morning J.&A. were glad that the couple left.
This morning I was the icing on the cake within this Canadian lady her spite tour through Italy. Immediately when I was reflecting on the event I looked inside if there had been a moment where I had been thinking things like, what a nice man, what a hot guy, I wish he was mine, what a cute guy or being attracted to certain body parts. Non of that had happend, not even for a tiny moment, I just spoke to a being and it happend to be a male and a husband. I can do a lot of guessing about the wife’s motive for being wrongly jealous together with the spitefulness she exhibited, but I won’t. I’m only referring to the take off, of a long term judgement day that started today. These extreme reactions will be soon frequently witnessed and we better prepare ourselves to stand for life as life and not be taken down by our own mind-possessions and ego.
The whole event let me wonder of for a moment about the fact that this lady saw me as a potential rival and a man guzzler. I was almost laughing about the fact that this man would consider a fantasy with a bald cleaning lady. I always imagined that jealous wife’s would react on gorgeous young fashionable girls, how wrong could I be.
So that makes me part of the female meat market again and I had no idea that I was a player…
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have the idea that only beautiful women could tempt men into affairs.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have the opinion that I do not fit into the category of women that can tempt men into affairs.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see myself as less beautiful than the pictures of beautiful women in my mind.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate within the polarity of less and more and think that I’m less attracted.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself by labeling myself as someone that doesn’t play on the female meat market, because I do not have the looks anymore.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see myself as worthy as a woman.