Sylvia's writing to freedom

Owner of the ring of death 26/06/2011

The other day I was preparing dinner in the kitchen when I accidently was stuck with my ring into a plastic bag holder. When the ring got stuck I didn’t notice yet what was happening, only when I pulled my hand back I felt a pang through my ring finger. I had to literally move back towards the holder to release my finger and ring from the holder. Right away I cooled my finger with cold running water. It really did hurt and all I, at first, could remember as a physical experience, was being pulled back in a rough manner. Pulled back by myself, which is in itself a interesting metaphor to look into.

Last winter I took off my wedding ring, to break the spell of my marriage and the cycles of wanting and fearing within such a relationship. We had started to transcend our relationship into an agreement and to close the marriage I decided to no longer wear the ring as a symbol of my marriage with P. In this process I already mentioned in on of my vlogs that my silver ring would also be an interesting story to investigate. I never forgot this promise to investigate the purpose of wearing the silver ring, but couldn’t put myself in an active position to do so and instead I postponed the research indefinitely.

There was also sentiment attached to the silver ring. I bought this ring with my self made money, when I was 19. At first the big silver ring with a black hematite confirmed my identity of being different and having my own style. Later within this 24 years of wearing the ring I gave much value to the black stone, the hematite. I found out that this stone was avoiding high blood pressure. Since my blood pressure was always perfect I knew it was because of the stone. I had no cross reference of course to see if it really had an effect on my health, I simply believed it and wasn’t willing to risk my health. The last years it was sentiment that made me still wear this ring, it had become part of me, since it traveled 24 years with me.

While not really being sure about which of these points the ring was really representing to me, I did some muscle testing since a long time, to see where it would lead me. It immediately became clear that the ring, for me, stood for diseases and negative thoughts. It was holding all my fears for diseases and negative self-sabotaging thoughts related to disease in place. In other words the ring was the confirmation of the cycle I was trapped in for many years. Then I muscle tested a sentence from a book that said: “your always getting what you desire”, even if it’s a negative desire. So I was physically pulled back by my own body to say stop to these abusive thoughts and fear for disease I have had for so many years. A turning point.

Where I first was convinced that the ring stood for my relationship with money and a circle that had to be broken, I ended up with an unexpected twist. I really wasn’t aware of holding on to this belief, of seeing pain as a horrible lethal disease, and holding it in place by wearing this ring and not wanting to take it off. Not that this disease and negative thoughts point was a surprise or something new to me. I’ve worked already with this point and approached it from different angels. I knew that I was still holding on to this belief, but I had no idea where to look for the beginning of the circle that stands for the fear of death.

I have been having a lot of pains lately in my breasts, of which I at first was sure that it would be the end of me. For several months I had painful swollen lumpy breast according to my menstruation cycle. Normally I had this discomfort for about 2 weeks a month, lately it was 3 weeks in a month. Then when that went back to normal I developed pain in my arms and pain above my breats. Whenever I disappeared into my mind I knew for sure that I was going to die from it. When in the present and while investigating it, I saw that my 2 finger typing on a not so smooth keyboard during my mind constructs had caused me quite some muscle pains. Pains within muscles I didn’t know I had, but no reason to visit the first aid or a oncologist for breast cancer. So when looking in common sense at these pains they were all explainable within common sense.

I already worked with this point of belief, but this time it showed itself in a different way, a different layer to work with. The Self-Forgiveness is focussed on the new points.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that undefined pain means death.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear to feel pain and being pulled into a cycle of fear of death.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear death and losing myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear losing myself and not being in control over losing myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear having thoughts about illnesses and physically manifesting them.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear my lack of responsibility in not facing my own creative powers when it comes to sisease thoughts.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to to fear the illness thoughts who I already throughout my life have accumulated to become real.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not trust myself and therefore believing that I need to be in control.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be sick of myself for hating myself so much that I deserve pain and disease.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be sick of myself for not taking fully responsibility and not fully facing myself and therefore wanting to punish myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to abuse myself with these thoughts and therefore abuse life, instead of embracing life and embracing myself.

When and as I see myself participating within this pattern of abusive thoughts towards myself. I stop and I breathe. Within this I realize that the energy of this experience is directing me and I am not the directive force here. Thus I stop this participation in this energy as self-sabotage thoughts and do not participate, but breathe myself here in and as the physical.

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2 Responses to “Owner of the ring of death”

  1. Thanks Sylvia – enjoyed this

  2. Sandy Jones Says:

    Very supportive, I took note of the self forgiveness statements and corrective statement for my abusive thoughts re: pain , my body, disease and fear. Thanks Sylvia.


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