Sylvia's writing to freedom

How I was able to hear the Desteni message 05/02/2012

When I 4 years ago stumbled upon a video of Desteni, done by Sunette as a portal, I wasn’t looking for the Desteni message. I had no intent to join any group what so ever, I had no intent to face myself and I had absolutely no intent to change the world simply because I never perceived myself as someone that could change the world. I was living my dream within my bubble and could see, feel and understand that there was something really wrong with the world I was living in. And I say “the world I was living in”, because I didn’t see the world as “the world I am a part of”. I was raised in the era of individualism and joining a group was kind of hippie like and kind of impossible for me to join groups while I perceived myself as an independent individual and not part of the collective that’s called life. I lived life my way in an original way believing in me as good and peaceful going along on the new age wave and creating a new belief out of love&light and being on top of the world as a conspiracy junk to point fingers at all that was bad in this world to not face myself and instead blaming others for making my dream life impossible.

 

Wow, that was my start 4 years ago after 40 years of pretending to live. I lived, I hibernated through the years, but I hadn’t really lived. I observed my live as the observer of my own life, afraid before taking every breath without recognizing my separation of life. I was floating around and on a conscious level not searching for answers about life, I was simply too afraid to burst my bubble. Yet I was complaining about not getting the answers I wanted within my process of Reiki and energy work. Without realizing it. I was searching for answers all my life and hadn’t gotten any. I expected others to bring me the answers and did not even consider the possibility of finding answers myself. With the beginning of the internet things changed and searching was quite easy all of a sudden and yet a sea full of information to go through.

 

I was disappointed in religion, not seeing that religion for me was an energy refill and I got hooked on the energy. The moment I had to become an active part of the religious group I backed out and blamed them for narrowness. I was disappointed in spirituality, because it didn’t serve me the specialness I was looking for to refill myself with energy, the very energy I lost by leaving the religious group. The moment it was time to decide which spiritual group was ment for me, I backed out and blamed them for being too extreme and not grounded. When I started to read conspiracy theories it confirmed my ego in being right all along and I used this information like a religion to convert people like Jehova Witnesses do.

 

So you can say that I was quite a lost case to hear anything and who had tried to find the answers to life without really knowing that I was searching for the answers and yet when I saw that first Desteni Productions video it hit home. I do not recall which video it was since I started to search for more after that first one. I’ve spent weeks watching the Desteni materials, I simply couldn’t stop. I had to know and I had to understand what Desteni was communicating with me. Their material was touching me deep inside and it was so easily answering many of my questions that had been so hard for others to answer. I saw how I had been wandering around as an observer in my own life and was eager to learn how to direct myself for the first time in life.

 

I was able to hear what Desteni said while being in a zombie state and completely brainwashed by society and upbringing, not very different from any average person. I had made major changes in my life and still I had this dissatisfied feeling inside of me. I didn’t want to believe that this was life and that this was all that was to it, I believed that there had to be more to life than this. Simply out of the fear that if life was this unspecial I couldn’t claim my own specialness anymore, no individualism anymore. I would be useless in a world without purpose. So my ego demanded that there should be more to life than this. How could I be the award winning star of my own movie as I was playing in a B movie?

 

I took the Desteni ride and I was in for a lot more than I had expected. I took over a year to take all information in and keeping up with the new materials. Then the moment arrived where I could join the forum, which I by the way could had done from the start, but I was afraid. I was afraid of not expressing myself good enough in English, I was afraid of not being a good enough Destonian yet, I was afraid to meet all these people I didn’t know yet. Though the biggest fear was joining the forum was equal to me to joining a group. So I feared loosing my identity/individuality and almost physically shaking I registered though never posted anything. Appart from not joining the forum I kept actively listening to the new materials and sharing it with my partner and kids. Only when I had the intend to start the Structural Resonant Alignment training I forced myself to join actively the forum and so I did. From joining the forum I joined Desteni on Facebook and You Tube and contributed to the newsletter.

 

Before I knew it I was part of a group and I recognized myself in all the people that joined. I realized that it wasn’t that fearful to join a group. I even enjoyed joining this group. The more I became aware of myself and who I had accepted and allowed myself to be, the more I understood and realized the importance of facing myself and therefore facing the world. By changing myself I could actually be a living example. There was no need anymore to hide myself and peep through the key hole to observe life. The more I started to understand life and me as life the more I saw the need for an Equal Money System to end inequality and equally live and breathe ourselves for the first time without the fear of survival creeping up ones neck into real physical life.

 

I started blogging and vlogging to spread the Desteni message just as they had equally done for me. I fell and I stood up during those last 4 years, every time stronger. Desteni helped me on a personal level to overcome events in my life I would have gone insane over when I didn’t know that the key and therefore the answers are always inside of me. Taking Self-responsibility and being Self-honest became more clear to me over the years. The difference is now I’m slowly but surely walking these words and before I was still comprehending these words. I have gone from self-manipulation to self-directing and the result is less stress while sailing a stable stance in life.

 

At the moment also my partner is doing SRA-1 and my teenage kids are applying the Desteni tools and materials as far as they are capable. I was able to hear the message of Desteni, one that says that we should love our neighbors like ourselves. Which implies that we first need to love ourselves in order to be able to love our neighbors. First we better/improve ourselves and then reflect the improved Self into the world. We do this in common sense and in the best interest of all in all ways. To understand that life takes place here within our physical reality and not up there in our minds. If we want a better life why not have a better life for all?

 

If you can see and hear that this world is heading towards destruction and that we only have 1 life to stop and change that world as ourselves, the join us. See and investigate for yourself what we’re standing for and decide whether you wan to be the change, by changing you as a being. We are people just like you, so it’s never too late to join us and become a Destonian for life.

 

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There is no way back 23/02/2011

Today I realised that there is no way back, because I do not allow and accept myself to participate within a return to the old. The old that obviously didn’t work, otherwise I wouldn’t have been looking for a better or different approach to what I call life.

Since I started studying the Desteni materials and since I started my ‘I’process I have experienced that I can change me. That I as a human can be changed by my own self willed directive actions. Stopping the mind, stopping thoughts, stopping memories, all by just simply not participating within them.

Today in the car while looking at the scenery outside, I was observed the world outside and within that the first thought came up about what I saw. I realised how useless the thought was and I could already see that participating within it would lead me nowhere than only following my inner world’s highway and interconnect to all kinds of different locations which would lead me again to nowhere. So I stopped, I didn’t allow and accept myself to participate within this thought about the scenery. A few minutes later while still watching the scenery outside the car I noticed there was another thought coming up, but still unknown to me. The best way to describe this is waves, the thoughts come like high tide, one wave after the other and only at its highest point it reveals its nature. The thought wasn’t yet on his highest point and I stopped it and it washed away. With this one wave the whole tide washed away and it was so cool. After that thought others tried to pop up, but I didn’t allow them either. So I did it, I stopped the thought before it revealed itself to me in full awareness.

Imagine knowing that I’m capable of stopping myself from participating within the mind, how small this attempt might be, it is the reason to never look back again and follow the straight disciplined path that is before me. I simply have to participate within my process and within this reality. The world is going crazy and I’ve let it come this far, just as every other human on this planet. I do have a voice in sound and in written words so I will use that and take back my own responsibility. When the world gets crazy which in essence means, we get crazy, because we are the reflection that our world exists of. We are the problem and within that also the solution. The only question I need to ask myself is why not use the key while I’m holding it?

There are people out there who do not see the point of releasing oneself from one’s patterns, fears, emotions, feelings and thoughts. Neither do they see the point of releasing it through publicly writing and they can not imagine that, how they see this writing as sitting behind one’s computer, would bring any change in this world. This kind of thinking can only be backed up when one doesn’t see oneself as the problem, the starting point of the current state our world is in. These are the same people who go to church and pray and hope for change while watching reality on tv instead of being real and changing themselves for real.

Our world goes crazy and the riots that take place are getting grimmer every time a new one starts. People are so called fighting for freedom, but instead they are fighting their own fears and hating the very guts of man. They think they are fighting together against the evil and do not see that they are fighting separately within self interest. This very point of self interest will in all ways obstruct the best interest of all and therefore these riots will never lead us to new, stable and sustainable solutions. These riots are as our very own thoughts and will lead us nowhere, only if we stop them, we can see in common sense that we need real collaboration within reality. As long as we keep our thoughts alive, we are living within a delusional make believe world that entails us that freedom without consequences and without taking responsibility is a real solution.

I will keep using my voice and build my house on a rock. No violence is necessary as long as you are able to see that you are a part of the problem and therefore a part of the solution. There is no way back, it’s either going forward in no matter what speed or looping in the same circles over and over again. I won’t go there anymore, I will lift my head and chin up and walk, alone or together. Either you join me or stay trapped within your surreality.

 

When expectations become possessions 16/02/2011

One of my Facebook friends posted today a “Quote Of The Day” on her blog, today it was a quote of Stephen Hawking. He says: “When one’s expectations are reduced to zero, one really appreciates everything one does have. This is the fancy form of the original of Hawking’ s quote, he stated himself: “My expectations were reduced to zero when I was 21. Everything since then has been a bonus.”

I will stick in this blog to the fancy quote, since it’s more general and not specific about the physical condition of Hawking. Hawking has made a lot of statements and this one I can actually relate to. It’s a bit like the Job story from the bible with the difference that Job had not first his expectations taken away, but instead his possessions. Expectations or possessions, one can be possessed by one’s own expectations which makes an expectation into a possession. The bottom line here is when one has nothing all is better than nothing.

Isn’t this the bottom line with what we are dealing in the world today? People who have nothing will always experience progress when they’ll have something. People who have do not appreciate the fact that they have. They take it for granted and see it as their human right that they have, as in possessing, all they want and expect is to gain more than they already have. The people who do not have anything do neither expect anything and are therefore willing to bring forth change in order to appreciate the things they will have then. These people could make the change in our world if they are still healthy and have access to a certain form of civilisation. The people who already possess or are possessed by their expectations are also searching for progress, but will not appreciate it. Simply because it doesn’t fill up their void, this empty feeling of not knowing what it is to go without anything in life and therefore not seeing life here where life actual is. Only fearing to loose life, where life doesn’t exist. Life doesn’t exist in ideas within the mind that makes one fear to loose and not being able to life now and see what needs to be done. What needs to be done so that everybody can have expectations for a dignified life.

This world needs people who know through experience what it is to go without, because it seems that only those people are willing to change. Those people are willing to change our world into a better place for all. No self interest only in the best interest of all. Those people who are ready to give up their ego-istic expectations and are ready to work on themselves because they see that they are the problem and therefore also the solution to this world. There are still a lot of vacancies open to help and work towards a solution.

There is already training in place (desteniiprocess) to give these people the tools to work with. The solution is here and to find our way to here, we can use an Equal Money System as a transition to a world where we again appreciate life. Appreciating all life on earth and live without fears for tomorrow. To truly live in the present and to stop our inherited urge to create and re-create our past. Why should we circle around within an ineffective way of living where only a few possess and have expectations, if we can stop this now and are able to benefit from each other instead of consuming each other.

 

Nothing to say or write to myself 04/11/2010

This morning, while cutting endless peaces of fabric for curtains for a client, I was reflecting upon yesterday. I had made the commitment to write everyday a blog and yesterday evening I was sitting in front of my computer and staring at an empty template. I couldn’t think of anything to write and the few things I came up with I disregarded as not interesting enough to share. So I asked myself why I write these blogs, if I disregard things as not interesting enough than I might write to entertain. And maybe I am, because that’s the way I used to write. My starting point for my blog was that of being effective within my writing to assist myself within process and to involve others so they might understand what I’m doing. I label myself as effective when others pay attention to what I write, I also label myself as effective when I break through a point or when things become clear to me after writing it down. So it must always be a spectaculair moment, wow now I look at it I can clearly see what I’ve been doing. Normal daily stuff isn’t good enough for me otherwise I had filled in my template with words last night. Fuck, I’m disregarding myself and I do not see myself as interesting and spectaculair enough to expose myself on the internet…

There were 2 points I could have written about yesterday yet I shove them aside. I resisted to write about it, because I didn’t really saw myself within the events. I didn’t see myself yet I was cristal clear within my communication towards myself. I didn’t see myself while I was screaming at myself. The first event was me commenting on Brett’s topic on the open forum of the Desteni web-site. Basically I asked him not to post these kind of topics on the open forum when he wasn’t going to share himself or his process with others. I asked him if it was out of loneliness that he posted these things so he could just communicate with others. I checked my starting point before posting the post, but I didn’t hear me screaming to myself. In a way I was reacting to his post while I was dealing myself with the point of not sharing me with myself. I refused to communicate with myself through writing and it’s not been the first time.

Than later that day my partner P. said that he found my current writings really assisting. I hesitated, but said to him:” you can’t go through process only by reading about the processes of others”, my point didn’t came across clearly and I wasn’t willing to clarify my self more. In fact again I was screaming to myself and didn’t hear it. I am not consistent within my own writings and that’s where my responsibility lie’s, I can’t orderĀ  P. to start writing himself through his own process. He has to figure that out for himself, I can only be an example.

Looking back at yesterday it was as if I had shifted into another dimension. I had been a zombie throughout the day. I was searching for myself while I was tapping on my own shoulder. Today I’m back in the here and now and started the morning of with a coughing fit, after watching my facebook wall, and it ended up in a hyperventilation attack. I immediately started the 4 counts breathing technic and within a few minutes I cleared the attack. I saw how it all interconnected, it was all about communication. I have to commit to communicating with myself and therefore my outer world. I need to unconditionally share and express myself to progress within my process. If I’m not unconditionally willing to change myself, how on earth can I reflect my change upon society. If I want change, I have to change.

I can also see now how this point of communication is connected to the point of resisting to learn to speak Italian more effective. That one is on my list to open up next. Than I will share my self forgivenesses and corrective statements.