Sylvia's writing to freedom

Skipping a blog and skipping a chat, but catching introspective 25/02/2011

I missed a blog and a chat last night, nevertheless I worked till deep in the night on my SRA homework. My SRA group is working on mind constructs at the moment and I had to write a lot of time lines to complete my mind construct. Mind constructs are helping you deconstruct the mind in a structural way so that after quite some practice you’re able to direct every situation. Through this directing you’re able to act and speak in self honesty within several situations and to take responsibility for yourself. By doing this you avoid unnecessary back chat and therefore less mess to clean up.

It was a lot of work, but I did enjoy every minute of it. The more I wrote down the more I’ve got this overview of what was happening and seeing what my part is within this mind construct about my father-in-law. In a way it’s peeling away layers and discovering your evil side and I saw it waving at me. This time I didn’t fear this evil of mine, I expected it to be there. Although the comfortable habit of blaming others for what I caused has dropped and I have still to adjust and really understand what it was that I’ve been up to till now. Once I understood that it is always my responsibility how things turn out in my life, I am less fearful for what I’ve been covering up and going to discover. When this mind construct is completely finished and I therefore will be able to take responsibility for all my actions within this mind construct, I will share the whole story.

While doing this construct I could already see how beneficial a mind construct will be on my relationship with my mother. The funniest part is that I saw this relationship as one of my most “normal” one’s. Looking now at it with my mind construct x-ray eyes I see that at a certain point I felt the need, after an experience where I thought I had to protect my mom, to take her by her hand. I started parenting my mom while she is more then capable of taking care of herself. Due to my overprotected mother-like behavior we’ve been in several situations together where I wondered why she was acting the way she did and why I had to jump in and take her by the hand. She probably only responded to my behavior. Last week she called me and said that she was sad about the fact that I didn’t call her, which I did but I only spoke to my dad. I reacted to her like she was a whining irritated child and later after reflecting on the situation it struck me, the fact that I was mothering my mother for no real reason at all. So this calls for a mind construct as well, to get to the bottom of it.

I see so clear now that I have been limiting myself in such a big way. I didn’t do things, out of fear, and I assumed a bad outcome even before making any attempt. I stopped a lot of interactions with others even before they took place or could have taken place. What an irony and limitation to not even begin something out of this psychic knowing that I would fail anyways. Things like: I will not address that problem, because they won’t understand it, I will not speak with him, because he doesn’t want to speak with me. If I’m like this then every human must equally be like me, we are all automated organic robots making the same loops over and over again. So lots of time we do not connect to each other, because we think we already know that it isn’t going to work with each other. Based on fake ideas we do no longer direct ourselves, but the ideas do. It’s just too ridiculous that we exist as such limited beings and call ourselves intelligent creatures that stand above the animal and plant kingdom. Hilarious and time to stop this way of living.

We should all be locked up for a few years and do mind constructs. When we pass we’re released in society again, when not, happy mind fucks. Those people will be locked up for ever, If you live within your mind you do not recuire much space, you’re already locked up inside yourself. I will not be locked up forever inside myself and will free myself from my back chat through writing it out and gaining more understanding for what I’ve been doing all my life. I fucked up so badly that fear has become such a master over me that I’m too scared to even see that. Time to stop and time to direct myself according to the rules of equality, what’s best for me is best for you and the rest of the world. So mind constructs it will be!

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Double life of a soldier 16/02/2011

I’m sick, sick to my stomach after watching a 10 minute during You Tube video about homecoming US soldiers. One after the other surprised their kids, spouses or partners, all dressed up in army clothing. I haven’t had such a strong reaction after watching  a video since I saw my first animal or human abuse movies. It was the same energy that made me nauseous then and now, this feeling of anger towards our hypocrite world and our irresponsible behavior. Where I definitely play my part in. So it’s anger towards myself for accepting and allowing these double life’s of soldiers and shams of what life really is.

All the grown ups and kids in the video had all the same physical reaction towards the loved one, the soldier. They literally climbed into the soldiers and cried and kissed them. When seeing this picture of a child that sees his/her daddy again, after months of absence, it brings cuteness to the picture. When I saw grown up women do the same I saw what was behind it, lust and sex. It was this kind of a release that finally their need for sex was again secured for a while. In a way it was this polarity that was presented to me, the innocent child versus the manipulative, I do everything for sex, adult. It made me sick because it was showing in such an obvious way how our world is fucked up. Money is sex and sex is money, money is power and power is war, therefore war is money and sex to stay in power.

How can we not see that it is asking for so much problems when you bring up your children with blood on your hands because you incidentally murdered another dad his child. Colateral damage you call it while the other dad calls it murder filled with hate. How can one ever justify murdering another for the sake of one’s fatherland. Soldiers are people who are used by their own government and are not considered as worthy by the same government. Of course they make you believe they care about you as a soldier, but that’s only advertisement to keep the war engine rolling. Without soldiers no war, without soldiers no free guinea pigs. These turf wars are just too ridiculous for words. We lie ourselves into other countries with the excuse to bring all kinds of delusions such as freedom and democracy, while we are simply there to steel their valuable commodities. Most soldiers really want to believe that they are in this foreign country for the sake of the people of this conquered country. How can you ever believe this propaganda when you are inside the wasp’s nest, what is it do you want to feel special? There are plenty occupations out there in which you can really make a difference but it isn’t the profession of a soldier that changes the world. It’s apart from prostitution one of the oldest professions in this world and it has always been a lie to cover up another lie. It did stand the test of time to proof itself as a delusion and a fine piece of work if it comes to manipulation and indoctrination.

Being a whore or a soldier doesn’t make that much of a difference. They both sell their bodies, their manual labor. They both have their life’s at risk and it’s all about money and power, but it’s not them that pulling the strings. It’s their bosses and the bosses of their bosses that want to be in power of all that is achievable within a lifetime or within a lifetime of several generations. So these bosses are in the game to gain as much as possible possessions and money, and then? Then you have all that your heart desires, AND THEN? Then you are still the same human with all your pathetic emotions and feelings and not to mention your no longer hide-able fears. WHAT THEN?

When only a few own everything and all the others have to obey you, it’s probably nice for a while. Just playing around with your foot sweeps and having this feeling of increasing power almost as a life elixer. The only thing is, in the face of your increasing feeling of power there is this increasing feeling of fear. Fear is capable of eating you up from the inside till you are an empty clamshell. Empty shells do not rule the world they die of an heart attack when least expected and diminish. The consequences though are for a lot of people within the physical who you leave behind, crippled and in hunger because you wanted it all. Isn’t this what we all secretly strife for to have it all for ourselves, we want our daddy for ourselves, our house, our car, our possessions, our country only for the people that are entitled to live in it, our world all for ourselves to pollute and abuse till we are all empty shells. Funny isn’t it, we all strife for the same thing yet it doesn’t bring us together it only separates us more. We can not all get this one thing so most of us end up disappointed in life and blame it on the others.

It doesn’t have to be this way, we can all have, so we do not end up disappointed in life. Simply by sharing and not wanting to manipulate the others to gain power over them. When you can share you with yourself you can share also yourself with others and suddenly borders and personal property isn’t that important anymore. If we don’t have to fear if we have money to sustain ourselves, we can share. If we don’t have to fear that others come and take our money we can be free of fear. There is no need to reach the ultimate form of power all for yourself if you instead can share this power and build an society that lives beyond fears, where everybody is sustained and can be a responsible member of society, a real asset.

Do you want to learn how to become this asset to society equal to all the others, then study the Equal Money System and see for yourself if you can be a vote for world equality. No one wants a daddy with blood on his hands for no reason at all.

 

My willy or your willy? 26/01/2011

Today it was kind of a willy day, now I come to think of it there are all kind of days for different causes (saints, mothers, fathers, animals, all kind of cancers etc.), but a willy day we probably don’t need. It’s ALWAYS willy day.

First this morning I was introduced to the “clone a willy kit” by Bernard. In China they are producing a DIY kit to make a replica of your willy, it’s a mystery who invented it. Probably someone who beliefs that the male ego is housed in a willy and that we all live in Willy World. Well maybe this person isn’t so wrong after all, our world is all about sex. It’s everywhere and even when you don’t see it you unconscious swallow the message.

Then I listened to Cameron’s video “What’s so great about free will?” Since the absurdness of the willy kit was still in my mind I read “what’s so great about free willy?” a split second later the movie of “Free Willy” popped also up in my mind and then a memory about a tv program in which a wife who was humungous in body size had a little husband with a little willy. When they had sex he was only tickling her. At the time of recording this program the willy kit didn’t exist yet, so she couldn’t ask her neighbor to clone his. She came up with the idea that her husband had to put his willy in a hollowed eggplant and then have sex with her. This memory of the eggplant was triggered by the word cucumber in the video of Bernard. An amazing tool this mind of mine, it took only one willy to pull a drawer open full of willies. The question is for what higher purpose am I having all these willies all of a sudden? You see my drawer is called the “unified consciousness field” which contains all human thoughts/pictures and that’s where we get our “own original” thoughts from.

So I ended up with all these willies for no reason at all, the only reason is a loaded unified field with sex related information where I’m getting my latest original thoughts from. It’s really funny when you see that for no reason at all your mind is giving you randomly information. As an ex-New Ager I liked to go into this “specific” information and make a whole illusionary world around it. Now I do not go further then investigating what definition I give to a specific word and in which constructs it has it’s connections. We are already from a young age being impulsed with all kinds of sexual images through advertising and movies, Walt Disney is a magnificent example of that.

Whenever we think/believe we are not influenced by advertising we are so wrong. Advertising is selling and selling goes through sex, because that’s what sells best. Sex equals money and money equals sex. Sex imprints are just everywhere even if we deny it. I always thought that I wasn’t possessed by it, I didn’t have these pervers thoughts and I wasn’t obsessed by willies. The question is wasn’t I? I searched for a stable and trustworthy willy by looking for the knight in shining armor who was willy-ing to stay with me till death does part us. Yes, P. I was after your willy! We all have these thoughts, but we are not a aware of it. After an assignment within my Desteni ‘I’ process I slowed myself down and experienced that these thoughts and pictures based on memories of myself or unknown,  were constantly flashing through my mind. This occurs so rapidly that if you do not know that they are there you’ll miss them. Of course there are also the obvious and visible ones and even those I dismissed as non existent out of shame. The thing is we all have a program running and no one is special or an exception within this. So I had to come into terms with myself, separating myself from these flashes and thoughts wasn’t the way to approach it. When they occur now, I simply do not participate within them, I will not accept or allow them to take me on a fantasy tour. We all need to know that these kind of thoughts and for that matter thoughts in general, can initiate and further accumulate horrible events within our world which makes our world as it is today. There is no excuse or willy in the world that is valid to not stop these thoughts.

These thoughts are only feeding our illusionary world which makes us belief that the free will(y) of a man is to free his willy. When men use their free will(y), they follow their willy. For a woman to act in free will(y) she also follows her willy. Since a woman hasn’t got an attached willy she needs to find/clone a willy for herself in order to have free will(y) all the time and experience freedom as in extase.

As long as money is sex and sex is money and we think that our ultimate freedom lies in having orgasmic experiences as much as possible, then we are living in a mind created illusionary world. When we breath and we are in touch with our physical world, it doesn’t take much effort to look around and see that sex is indeed money and money is sex. It’s the freedom that we will not find within our current orgasmic experiences. Which makes us sad robots chasing an ultimate feeling to find ourselves while we are here all along.

 

Freedom 05/12/2010

Yesterday I wrote about my diet and why I’m doing it in a radical way. Since I found out that I feel myself worthless due to DNA in-heritage, I see all that I do in such a different light. If someone a few years ago had said to me; “Sylvia I experience you as a person who experiences herself as worthless”, I probably would have become quite mad. In other words my ego would have reacted quite strong. Now I can see in self honesty that this feeling of worthlessness sneaks up like a snake and needs to be handled accordingly.

I’m doing the diet as thoroughly as possible within my set points, because I can clearly see that I need to do this for myself. It’s a form of responsibility towards myself, which I’m willing to take at this point in life. Every food type, that’s giving me physical problems, is telling me the story about me, is giving me the tools to release myself from these points and enables me to move on. I’m really grateful for this.

When I started SRA in Januari this year I tested and discovered a lot of things and I became aware of my self-sabotaging thoughts that I had. I did quite a lot of Self-forgiveness on it and it disappeared. Now I can see that these thoughts were just the tip of the iceberg. This feeling of worthlessness expresses itself in so many actions I do or not do. I will take them on one by one, till it’s done. I do not even feel overwhelmed by it as normally. I just know I have to do this period.

My body is reacting extremely and direct when I do not stand within myself, It’s quite heavy but I do not feel it as heavy in the sense of heavy weight on my shoulders. I am finally communicating with myself and that’s something I cherish, it’s the key to my freedom.

 

Me and the blood type diet 05/11/2010

I really enjoyed watching Katie’s video’s on the blood type diet, like her, I’m also a blood type A. Katie isn’t following the diet in a rigid way, she keeps testing and experimenting with foods wether they’re assisting or none assisting to her body. This inspired me to google on the blood type diet. I looked up the information in different languages to see if there was a difference between the recommended food, but there wasn’t really any difference.

Looking into this I felt resistances inside me and I found out that it had to do with the word “diet”. Diet contains the word die and when I strip the Dutch word for diet, which is “dieet”, I get; those who eat. The word and the sound have only negative charges to me. So I decided to muscle test on the word “diet” and see what was hidden behind it. I tested out the word organized in the dictionary, meaning: the developers of a diet laid out a structure for me about what to eat and what not to eat. I do feel restraint when following a diet and immediately my oh so popular fear pops up. It’s all about the fear of losing control, when I follow a diet I’m bound to it and have no longer the “freedom” to choose the food that I prefer. As if freedom and choosing food is real. Okay so it’s out there, again the same fear from another perspective. When I was a child my parents called me stubborn for my persistent behavior of wanting to do it my way. In fact I wasn’t stubborn, instead I was a fearful child who kept herself on top of her life, in control, to not lose herself. In adulthood I took that fear with me and it’s just everywhere when I start digging.

The only 2 times when I followed a diet was before I got married, influenced by media, afraid to not fit into my dress. So stupid when I look at it now. I made my own wedding dress a couple of weeks before the wedding, so how many kilo’s could I gain or lose in that period of time to not fit into my dress anymore? Even if I would have changed 1 size more or less I could have easily adjusted that myself, so why even bother to diet. I hated the way I made myself prepare my food according to the diet. I stopped half way and labeled it as ridiculous. The second time isn’t that long ago when I turned around the whole family diet into a raw food diet. I could cope with this diet, because I made myself believe that it wasn’t a diet at all, it was a lifestyle. Weird how the mind functions, when I call it lifestyle it’s okay and when I call it diet I’m having endless reactions?? Both diet and lifestyle are ways to limit myself according to a organized schedule, I can’t see the difference. With the raw food diet I was locked into a health construct and wanted to avoid sickness and early death. Also quite ridiculous when I look at it now when time has passed by. We all die and we all get sick from time to time. I rather get to know my body and understand the sickness I attract.

Currently I’m eating according to what my body indicates as effective and nutritious food. To me that’s the best diet. It was funny to see that I automatically had avoided, certain food types throughout my life, which are according to the blood type diet the type of foods I do not well on. When I look at what’s best for all within the current economic system the blood type diet doesn’t pass the equality equation. We cannot equally apply this diet, due to the inequality of the amount of money each one of us has to spend. Not all the recommended food is available for all people. Most people are glad with any type of food. I’m living in the mountains of central Italy, there is no way I can lay my hands on all these foreign type of foods. According to my blood type A I’m not allowed to eat meat, tomatoes, flour, potatoes and pasta, that means no going out for dinner anymore or eating at a friends house. Rather impractical. I muscle tested if tomatoes are healthy for me and it tested out yes. For a moment I was puzzled, than I tested again if the tomatoes who are healthy for me are giving me a non preferable reaction inside my body and it tested out yes. Now I have to skip tomatoes and than eat them again to notice the difference. We’ll see, I’ve never experienced till now any physical reaction towards tomatoes ever.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience a negative charge to the word “diet”.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear organized programs that were not made by me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel uncomfortable while doings things according to another persons idea, this can be seen as assertive but in fact it’s based within fear.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I give up my freedom while following a diet.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be labeled as stubborn.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see myself as stubborn and labeling this as positive, while in fact I feared losing control.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to identify myself with the word stubborn.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to follow the idea of being slim is the ultimate way to look like and accepting the  imprinting into me by the media.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hate the way I prepared my food according to the diet, while I was limiting myself with this diet without really checking if the diet was effective for my body.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see the raw food diet as a lifestyle, while I was limiting myself in both ways.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to limit myself through diets and not wanting to see what’s best for the body.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate within the health construct.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to listen to my body.