Sylvia's writing to freedom

How I was able to hear the Desteni message 05/02/2012

When I 4 years ago stumbled upon a video of Desteni, done by Sunette as a portal, I wasn’t looking for the Desteni message. I had no intent to join any group what so ever, I had no intent to face myself and I had absolutely no intent to change the world simply because I never perceived myself as someone that could change the world. I was living my dream within my bubble and could see, feel and understand that there was something really wrong with the world I was living in. And I say “the world I was living in”, because I didn’t see the world as “the world I am a part of”. I was raised in the era of individualism and joining a group was kind of hippie like and kind of impossible for me to join groups while I perceived myself as an independent individual and not part of the collective that’s called life. I lived life my way in an original way believing in me as good and peaceful going along on the new age wave and creating a new belief out of love&light and being on top of the world as a conspiracy junk to point fingers at all that was bad in this world to not face myself and instead blaming others for making my dream life impossible.

 

Wow, that was my start 4 years ago after 40 years of pretending to live. I lived, I hibernated through the years, but I hadn’t really lived. I observed my live as the observer of my own life, afraid before taking every breath without recognizing my separation of life. I was floating around and on a conscious level not searching for answers about life, I was simply too afraid to burst my bubble. Yet I was complaining about not getting the answers I wanted within my process of Reiki and energy work. Without realizing it. I was searching for answers all my life and hadn’t gotten any. I expected others to bring me the answers and did not even consider the possibility of finding answers myself. With the beginning of the internet things changed and searching was quite easy all of a sudden and yet a sea full of information to go through.

 

I was disappointed in religion, not seeing that religion for me was an energy refill and I got hooked on the energy. The moment I had to become an active part of the religious group I backed out and blamed them for narrowness. I was disappointed in spirituality, because it didn’t serve me the specialness I was looking for to refill myself with energy, the very energy I lost by leaving the religious group. The moment it was time to decide which spiritual group was ment for me, I backed out and blamed them for being too extreme and not grounded. When I started to read conspiracy theories it confirmed my ego in being right all along and I used this information like a religion to convert people like Jehova Witnesses do.

 

So you can say that I was quite a lost case to hear anything and who had tried to find the answers to life without really knowing that I was searching for the answers and yet when I saw that first Desteni Productions video it hit home. I do not recall which video it was since I started to search for more after that first one. I’ve spent weeks watching the Desteni materials, I simply couldn’t stop. I had to know and I had to understand what Desteni was communicating with me. Their material was touching me deep inside and it was so easily answering many of my questions that had been so hard for others to answer. I saw how I had been wandering around as an observer in my own life and was eager to learn how to direct myself for the first time in life.

 

I was able to hear what Desteni said while being in a zombie state and completely brainwashed by society and upbringing, not very different from any average person. I had made major changes in my life and still I had this dissatisfied feeling inside of me. I didn’t want to believe that this was life and that this was all that was to it, I believed that there had to be more to life than this. Simply out of the fear that if life was this unspecial I couldn’t claim my own specialness anymore, no individualism anymore. I would be useless in a world without purpose. So my ego demanded that there should be more to life than this. How could I be the award winning star of my own movie as I was playing in a B movie?

 

I took the Desteni ride and I was in for a lot more than I had expected. I took over a year to take all information in and keeping up with the new materials. Then the moment arrived where I could join the forum, which I by the way could had done from the start, but I was afraid. I was afraid of not expressing myself good enough in English, I was afraid of not being a good enough Destonian yet, I was afraid to meet all these people I didn’t know yet. Though the biggest fear was joining the forum was equal to me to joining a group. So I feared loosing my identity/individuality and almost physically shaking I registered though never posted anything. Appart from not joining the forum I kept actively listening to the new materials and sharing it with my partner and kids. Only when I had the intend to start the Structural Resonant Alignment training I forced myself to join actively the forum and so I did. From joining the forum I joined Desteni on Facebook and You Tube and contributed to the newsletter.

 

Before I knew it I was part of a group and I recognized myself in all the people that joined. I realized that it wasn’t that fearful to join a group. I even enjoyed joining this group. The more I became aware of myself and who I had accepted and allowed myself to be, the more I understood and realized the importance of facing myself and therefore facing the world. By changing myself I could actually be a living example. There was no need anymore to hide myself and peep through the key hole to observe life. The more I started to understand life and me as life the more I saw the need for an Equal Money System to end inequality and equally live and breathe ourselves for the first time without the fear of survival creeping up ones neck into real physical life.

 

I started blogging and vlogging to spread the Desteni message just as they had equally done for me. I fell and I stood up during those last 4 years, every time stronger. Desteni helped me on a personal level to overcome events in my life I would have gone insane over when I didn’t know that the key and therefore the answers are always inside of me. Taking Self-responsibility and being Self-honest became more clear to me over the years. The difference is now I’m slowly but surely walking these words and before I was still comprehending these words. I have gone from self-manipulation to self-directing and the result is less stress while sailing a stable stance in life.

 

At the moment also my partner is doing SRA-1 and my teenage kids are applying the Desteni tools and materials as far as they are capable. I was able to hear the message of Desteni, one that says that we should love our neighbors like ourselves. Which implies that we first need to love ourselves in order to be able to love our neighbors. First we better/improve ourselves and then reflect the improved Self into the world. We do this in common sense and in the best interest of all in all ways. To understand that life takes place here within our physical reality and not up there in our minds. If we want a better life why not have a better life for all?

 

If you can see and hear that this world is heading towards destruction and that we only have 1 life to stop and change that world as ourselves, the join us. See and investigate for yourself what we’re standing for and decide whether you wan to be the change, by changing you as a being. We are people just like you, so it’s never too late to join us and become a Destonian for life.

 

 

Living Nativity 04/01/2011

After some postponement the reenactment of the nativity of Jesus took place in our village. This is a yearly returning event that attracts the population of our village and even people from outside. The medieval historical centre of our village is the scenery for this reenactment. My daughter A. loves to be a figurant within this historical event, the first year she was archangel Gabriel due to her blond hair and last year and this year she was a market vendor.

The first year I experienced it as if it were a fairy tale. They start at 5 pm when it’s almost dark, candles, torches and fires are everywhere in the historical centre and music is playing. In every cellar one can peek inside and see ancient crafts depicted. One can see various crafts as potters, carpenters, shepherds, bakers, medieval pubs etc. There are living animals everywhere and people in medieval costumes. Jesus, Maria and Joseph are always one of the families that just had a baby. It really is a spectacle when you see it for the first time, but every year is a copy of the previous years. The same as all the processions that take place throughout the year. It’s a handfull of fanatic Catholic ladies in their sixties who are kidnapping these events for their own benefit; ascension.

My partner P. asked me if I was coming along with him and my son J. to watch the living nativity. My first reaction inside me was a firm no, then I started arguing with myself. For what reason should I go there? I’ve seen it twice and it’s always the same. It’s not really a social event in the sense of really talking to people. Why on earth should I go? P. said: “I go and see how A. is doing.” Yes of course my daughter was there and our American friend J.&A. were also figurants this year. So I pushed myself to go there and be “social”. I brought A. some cookies and water since the figurants are standing for a few hours without anything to eat or drink. I made myself useful to take on the catering for A.

I chit chatted to a few people and saw all the things they had the other years too. I expected myself to be more irritated for going somewhere I initially wouldn’t go by myself. I saw the uselessness of the whole event. If people can mobilize each other to do these things why aren’t they able to mobilize themselves and each other for life? If someone would have told them that God doesn’t exist in the way they believe, that no one has to obey to the Catholic Church in order to go to heaven since heaven doesn’t exist anymore, that one does not become a good person if one participates in these church events, what if they understood this message? The Living Nativity wasn’t there anymore nor the processions. When you ask them they do not know why they participate. In little villages as ours boredom isn’t difficult to find if one needs stimuli from outside to be moved. These festivals are a welcome distraction from the life they live.

I only see these zombies walking or participating every single year again and getting exited over and over again. Maybe that’s what I miss, I do not experience it in the moment. I’m already viewing it through the memories of last year and the year before. Defining it as useless. I need to understand that these events are part of my world so my creation. If I reject a part of my created world than I reject a part of myself. So judging it is judging myself. What I’m rejecting here is religion and what religion has done onto life, but I accepted and allowed religion in my own created world till so far…I no longer participate within it and I will be the living example of one that doesn’t need religion to feel alive or as the purpose to live for. Religion is entangled within the polarity of good and bad, therefore it has to be neutralised in order to make place for life as all as equal.

 

A conversation between moms 30/10/2010

I was working on my computer as one of my clients came by. My Jehova Witness client who seldom comes alone. By now, I could feel myself like a rare specie, because every time she passes by she brings somebody new with her. A few weeks ago she finally did what she had been telling for quite a while, which I hadn’t been encouraging, she bought me a Jehova witness bible in Dutch. I took it, because I had not been standing within this and I didn’t know how to get out of the situation other than lying to her. And lying wasn’t my option, but taking the bible was a big no no. I justified it with: now I’m able to show her how ridiculous her bible is. Of course I knew how deep this woman is involved within her church. When she talks about Jehova her eyes start to twinkle.

 

So we already took 2 sessions to read in this bible where she gave her perspective on it and I gave mine. The more I spoke the more I encouraged her to save me, but that’s something I can see now while stepping back. Today she came by with another woman who I had met already. The hardest part is, they all want to be clients too. So there is a double agenda going on for me here. I had already decided not to read with her in the bible anymore, we’re wasting both our time. I told her, no reading today and she felt my resistance within the whole situation. Later my daughter A. said to me:”Mom she’s getting more persistent than before”. And I also saw it. She promised me a  sewing assignment, just as the other lady did, as if they were trying to keep me interested. It was not the same as before, more capricious then ever. We only talked a bit and I was bussy keeping her of her favorite subject, Jesus. In the end one doesn’t keep Jehova witnesses away from their favorite subject. And than I thought:”If you want it this way, you can have it all the way.” Looking back on it, this is a spiteful thing to think. I felt like I was pushed into a corner, but that’s only a illusion. Only I can put me there through my feelings.

 

They always give you the same examples and I started to get annoyed and bored with them. They told me how great the love of God is and blah blah blah. So I stated:”There is no love, there exist no love and I do not “believe” in love.” Of course I freaked them out and in a way I enjoyed it. They asked me if I didn’t love my husband and my children. I said:”how can you ask me this after I explained equality to you. I love my husband and children as much as I love you, but I’m not calling it love. I call it equality.” And than I stated:” And I neither believe in the purpose of family”. Wow, I was brave, or should I say stupid? Family here in Italy is seen as more holy than the pope himself. Their minds were doing overtime and I saw how determent they were to convince me of how wrong and evil my thoughts were. Again I enjoyed it. Than the other lady said:” I love my son so much that I will cook his favorite food every lunch or dinner, that’s mother love.” I said to her:”No that’s self interest. You are in need for this feeling/energy to confirm that you’re a good mom, a person that nobody wants to miss. So you’re forcing your son into loving you, only because you need this warm feeling?” She totally disagreed of course and than she said:” I even make him his favorite food when I don’t want to, and that’s what strong love is.” I literally jumped on top of her and said:”That’s even worse!!” She looked at me as if I came from another planet. I said:”don’t you see what you’re doing? This is even worse than the first example you gave me.” She had really no clue, but the word self interest had done something inside her. She was shaken and not sure anymore. I said:”see how addicted you are to this energy of wanting to be a good mom. You even push through emotional resistances, which by the way are an illusion, just to get your energy shot.”  Than she said after taking in the whole conversation of today:” How you put it, it sounds like I’m a robot. No no no I’m not a robot.” I reminded her of a previous conversation in which she had concluded the same. She couldn’t recall it, she said. She was puzzled and the other was holding firm on to her bible.They changed subject and said that it was already late and they had to go home. It was obvious that I stirred their emotions/feelings around and maybe I had been effective within this conversation, but my starting point was all wrong. I started the conversation because I was annoyed and bored with them and I felt guilt for not standing when she handed me the bible a few weeks ago. In a strange way I was getting even with them and even enjoyed it. So that’s not what equality is all about and this didn’t make the equality equation.

 

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself for not standing as life and taking the bible from R. instead of telling her up front that I’m not interested in her bible or religion nor participating within any religion.

 

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to believe that there was no way out and therefore had to take the bible from R.

 

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to justify the acceptance of this bible with a possible way to show R. how wrong she is.

 

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to encourage R. to the point that she wants to save me.

 

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to believe that R. and her friends can’t just be clients I have to listen to their religious propaganda.

 

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to not entirely stand therefore R. is feeling my resistance. The resistance of wanting to keep them as clients, but not wanting to talk religious stuff anymore, because we’re heading nowhere.

 

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself not to confront R. with her dishonesty to keep her happy as my client. Instead of being equal to her and not accepting this bullshit from her I stood in inequality.

 

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to have spiteful thoughts towards R. And justified these thoughts with the idea that she had been asking for the treatment I gave her.

 

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to feel pushed into a corner, knowing that these feelings are not real, although I acted on these feelings.

 

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to get annoyed and bored with R. and her friend instead of seeing that I was annoyed and bored with myself for not standing as life.

 

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to enjoy freaking R. and her friend out, instead of being one and equal to them. Not willing to see that they are in a self delusional phase of process and therefore it’s impossible to communicate at the same level at this moment in the here. with them

 

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to seek this energetic charge out of this encounter.

 

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to feel guilty about me not standing within conversations with R.

 

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to enjoy getting even with R. and her friend, knowing that I was as responsable as them for the situation we created.

 

When and as I see myself participate in seeking energy from conversations with R. I stop, I breathe. Within this I realise that I’m directing me and not the energy such as annoyance or boredom. I stop, I breathe. I will no longer participate within this pattern of energy seeking.

 

When and as I see myself participate within the feeling of being the victim and not able to direct myself. I stop, I breath. Within this I realise that I can direct myself and do not have to participate within these religious conversations to keep R. and her friends as my clients. I stop, I breathe. I will no longer participate within the pattern of being the victim instead of being my own directive force. So I will no longer participate within their religion through talking to them and feeding their need to save me.