Sylvia's writing to freedom

Why are Destonians blogging the hell out off themselves? 13/02/2012

Writing is one of the many tools a Destonian has to his/her disposal. When you write in words,  that what keeps you busy inside of you, you’ll place information/knowledge from your mind into your physical reality. Whenever points are written in black and white, thoughts/memories/feelings/emotions/fears they become tangible and are ready to be dealt with. We’re able to read our writings from many years ago, but we’re not able to repeat our words from years ago word by word. Words that are spoken out loud on a video, vlogs, have the same principle, it’s making your inner reality into tangible earthly moments.

Starting this process of writing oneself out is a process on it’s own, many times we think we do not have anything to write about or it doesn’t matter what we have to say, but that’s only false modesty. It’s simply training oneself into taking a moment to express oneself in written words. Writers blocks, blanks, it all will be there as a  challenge from Self to Self. When one doesn’t want to reveal oneself to Self it’s obvious that the mind will try to block us. The question is, are we willing to give into that or are we willing to push through those moments of resistance to discover what needs to be hidden and can’t stand day light according to our mind/ego.

When we look at our society we see that whenever a message is important it will be in written form. The justice system uses written words and gives value to those words in order to convict one or not. When we have to pay our bills it’s in writing and when we do not pay we get more writings from a bailiff. When we get a job, our job description is in writing, to remind us of our obligations and to sue us whenever we are negligent. The police writes a police report in order to see whether you’re guilty or not. School wants you to write in order to imprint the information the system wants to implement in our future generation. The list goes on and on, we in the system use written words whenever we want to deliver an important message which is always a one way communication.

So to many of us writing and using words in black and white are equal to obliging oneself to the system which is in most cases the opposite of our own desires and wishes. And in a way we oblige ourselves when writing ourselves out, because once it’s out on paper/computer it is there right in front of us and can’t be erased. Whether you stripe through your words, they’ll be burnt onto your retina and you know what your dealing with. That might be a frightening experience, but try and see the beauty of it. Every word you write within Self-honesty is a gift to Self, to evolve into a being that is willing to take Self-responsibility for his/her own words/actions.

It’s important to get all the shit that is inside of us out in writing and see the patterns that are there visible for our eye in writing. One can do as much inner talk/back chat as one wishes, the real issue will never be as clear as when we write it down. From time to time we will be shocked by our own words, but that’s fine, it’s simply a reality check.

It took me quite a while before I dared to write about myself in black and white, as if I felt that once I started this process of writing there was no way back. From writing a bit now and then I started writing every day. Then I started blogs and went in the open with my writings on the internet. Warnt by many close to me that it might not be such a good idea to share all the struggles inside of me. Some even asked to not be mentioned within the blogs. Which reveals to us our extensive fear for the written word. I continued and started to write not only about my inner struggles but also about the struggles in our world, which isn’t a big step sidewards, since my inner struggles are one and equal to the outer struggles in our world.

I started enjoying this writing and I saw how I was able to grow through these writings. I had placed myself in black and white, able to see for all the world what I had accepted and allowed inside of me, as me equal to my world. I started to create an audience and there another point opened up. By sharing all that’s in me I touch upon all that is inside of you, see we’re more similar then we want to admit. So if I benefit from writing myself out, I bet it will benefit also you. Embrace this process of gifting yourself to yourself and see in common sense where you can improve yourself.

Within our writings as Destonians we use Self-forgiveness to pin point in Self-honesty what we have been accepting and allowing and from there on we write Self Corrective Statements to remind ourselves of the agreement we made with Self to keep our words and actions in line with the best interest of all. That way we discover the living words which can be spoken or written in Self-honesty to bring about change in this world that is sustainable. Writing nice stories that will flatter you will take you into vanity and ego, where we all will end up from time to time. Though when you start knowing yourself through your writings, you can see that vanity and ego are a point to take on without shame or suppression.

Ever wondered why Destonians are writing themselves to freedom? Simple we free ourselves from all that was attached to our words as emotions/feelings/fears to see that real freedom is not within mind reality, but instead here within our physical reality where words are words and have no polarized load to them. Simply communicating from Self to Self and to all the other Selves. Join us and blog the hell out off yourself to reveal you to yourself and be proud within humbleness on the steps that you take forward in the best interest of all.

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I honestly hate that smell and I self-honestly need to direct myself 10/05/2011

Just beside the fence at the entrance of my garden grows a Viburnum Laurustinus bush. In winter it bears fruit, like little deep red berries, in May it starts to blossom with little white flowers. When this bush is in bloom it produces an unpleasant foul scent and at this time of the year the wind blows happily around the house and brings this scent everywhere in the air. To me this intense foul scent smells like kitten diarea. Whenever I pass the bush or the wind is blowing my way I hold my breath.

The first year, while living in this house, I couldn’t figure out where the foul smell came from. Till I found out by opening and closing the fence that it was the bush. The smell was so intense that it made me feel sick and the more attention I gave it the more dirty it smelled. My kids and partner did also smell it, but to them it wasn’t a deterrent foul smell and they didn’t pay much attention to it. I was simply convinced that this was the most dirty foul smell I had ever smelled in my whole life. Last year the bush didn’t have a really strong scent, so I thought I was doing okay and figured I wasn’t giving it as much attention as the year before. This year, however the bush produces a strong scent again and my strong reaction is totally back.

The fact that I honestly admitted that I felt disgusted by the foul smell, was me being honest about a possessive feeling that was going on inside my mind. I payed attention to this feeling and kept it this way alive within my mind. So I did not lie, I was telling the truth that was inside my mind. I didn’t realise that being honest about this feeling towards myself and my surrounding, was not only giving attention to the feeling, I was also participating within a polarity of honesty and dishonesty. Which practically meant that I was honest about my feeling and at the same time dishonest about why I wanted to give attention to this feeling by not looking for the starting point in self-honesty within myself.

When I’m self-honest I can see that I’m giving attention to a feeling of being disgusted by a scent. The disgust originates from a memory I got after repeatedly cleaning kitten diarea, which I labeled and stored as a foul smell within my mind. So what basically happens is, whenever I smell the bush my mind says foul smell as the feeling that’s attached to the memory of the kitten diarea. Since it’s a polarity I’m looping within this thought structure and I’m generating only energy with it. The only reason I keep on doing this useless and unnecessary ritual is because I’m hooked on the energy.

It’s simply being a junk, happy with its drugs to get to fantasy mindfuck land and for that short period of time not having to take responsibility. A distraction of what is here and not being my own directive principle. At first it looked so innocent, but after 3 spring times I couldn’t say anymore, it’s the smell that disgusts me, instead of seeing that I was disgusting myself by not taking my responsibility and not being my own directive principle.

The next question to ask is, when honesty and dishonesty are a polarity, what does that make self-honesty? Is self-honesty the polarity of self-dishonesty? No it isn’t, self-dishonesty is honesty. It’s the honesty according to the system we live in. The honesty of which people say they cannot practice it all the way within the system, you can’t always be honest they say. Indeed, you can’t always be honest in expressing all your thoughts/emotions/feelings, that’s in itself already being dishonest. Dishonest from the starting point of fueling thoughts/emotions/feelings and accumulating energy.

Therefore self-honesty isn’t debatable, it’s what’s best for all found in the depths of self.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate within the polarity of honest and dishonest.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be enslaved by energy.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to abdicate my responsibility and give attention to mind realities such as energy.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to disgust myself for not being my own directive principle.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe a smell is disgusting and foul.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate within the pattern of giving attention to a feeling.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate within the pattern giving attention to a thought.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to repeat myself in order to generate more energy.

When and as I see myself participating within this pattern of generating energy. I stop and I breathe. Within this I realize that the energy of this experience is directing me and I am not the directive force here. Thus I stop this participation in this energy as a thought that’s fueling the polarisation of honest and dishonest and do not participate, but breathe myself here in and as the physical.

 

Kids & responsibility 1 25/03/2011

One of the most important questions a parent should be occupied with is, how do I learn my child what responsibility is and how do I  learn my child to be it’s own directive principle. It starts of with your own starting point of self honesty, there is no way your child is going to learn how to take responsibility when you do not walk that what you talk. That’s why you as a parent or care taker are the living example for your child. So it always starts with your self honesty and your application within reality.

As a mom of two kids of 11 and 14, I bring self-honesty on a daily basis into practice, which does not implies that I’m always successful within this. The beauty of living and interacting with kids is the fact that they respond immediately and reflect your points of dishonesty and points you still have to work on. There are also moments in which I have moved on, though my kids follow still my living example of my past, even though I moved on and changed myself in the best interest of all. In that case I do need to show my kids that they need to reprogram their behavior since it will lead to nothing constructive and is merely hanging into a loop I created for them to join me. So it’s my responsibility to cut the cycle/loop and show them how they should approach the new situation without emotions/feelings in common sense. To get some what practical I will illustrate this by an example of an event with my kids. I will outline the situation first, before starting of with sharing the event.

My relationship with my in-laws deteriorated over the years, first when the kids were small I was able to not interfere within the relationship of my kids and their grandparents. At a certain point when the kids became older I could not hide my stance towards my in-laws and they picked up that something was going on. Though still they went to stay with their grandparents in the summer holidays. I got in a situation where my in-laws got quite nasty, which I didn’t corrected at that time due to fears and needs. The kids started noticing the difference in the behavior of their grandparents and didn’t want to spend time with their grandparents anymore. We ended up in a situation where we didn’t see each other, but my in-laws kept communicating through e-mail and every time more nasty. The kids were confused to hear what their grandparents said about their parents and even about them. At that time I hadn’t yet directed myself fully.

So all this had happend and then my daughter A. had her 14th birthday and she got a parcel by mail from her grandparents and also my son J. received a gift. When I gave the parcels to them after the mailman had left, they weren’t thrilled. They took it like there was a bomb inside and had all kind of comments that showed how my living example had accumulated over time within their thinking patterns. First they were looking very unapprovingly at the gifts and indeed the gifts didn’t match what the kids were involved with in their life’s. When one does lose track of one another it’s not easy to find the perfect fitting gift. After a while they looked again and A. could already see how and for what she could use her gifts. J. was still upset that he got a book that his grandparents had been looking for since ages end finally they had found it and send it to him. He said, they know I do not like reading that much and I wasn’t looking for this book anyway.

That evening I asked them to send their grandparents an e-mail to confirm that the parcels had arrived. They protested against my request and the resistance was big, so I left it there and picked it up the next day. I asked them again if they would write an e-mail to tell their grandparents their parcels had arrived. This time they said, why should we send an e-mail we didn’t ask for the stuff they send. I explained that it wasn’t specific about the stuff it was just common sense to let others know that their parcels had arrived, nothing more and nothing less.  I reminded them of the time we had send a parcel and the receiver hadn’t communicated that our parcel had arrived. We asked it ourselves, but it would have been nice if they had let us know. Simple communication and participation. Now the kids understood what I wanted from them and promised to send the e-mail. After a week of asking if they already did send the e-mail my son J. started writing one. While he was sitting in front of the computer he decided also to write that he didn’t like to read books, though the story seemed to be exciting. This was great, he not only took responsibility for a simple communication point he also used communication to let his grandparents know that books are not the best gift to him, in which he was directing his own situation. A. took another week before responding and did the same as J.

I explained them that it wasn’t a matter of liking their grandparents and it had nothing to do with past experiences it was simply being here in the moment and communicating in a practical way to not plant seeds for more confusion at a later stage. In a way the kids were relieved and it felt comfortable for them to be their own directive principle and take in the end responsibility for this event. We talked more about how I was standing within this old conflict and they really felt they could do something about it instead of being the victim just as I had been showing them all along.

 

Skipping a blog and skipping a chat, but catching introspective 25/02/2011

I missed a blog and a chat last night, nevertheless I worked till deep in the night on my SRA homework. My SRA group is working on mind constructs at the moment and I had to write a lot of time lines to complete my mind construct. Mind constructs are helping you deconstruct the mind in a structural way so that after quite some practice you’re able to direct every situation. Through this directing you’re able to act and speak in self honesty within several situations and to take responsibility for yourself. By doing this you avoid unnecessary back chat and therefore less mess to clean up.

It was a lot of work, but I did enjoy every minute of it. The more I wrote down the more I’ve got this overview of what was happening and seeing what my part is within this mind construct about my father-in-law. In a way it’s peeling away layers and discovering your evil side and I saw it waving at me. This time I didn’t fear this evil of mine, I expected it to be there. Although the comfortable habit of blaming others for what I caused has dropped and I have still to adjust and really understand what it was that I’ve been up to till now. Once I understood that it is always my responsibility how things turn out in my life, I am less fearful for what I’ve been covering up and going to discover. When this mind construct is completely finished and I therefore will be able to take responsibility for all my actions within this mind construct, I will share the whole story.

While doing this construct I could already see how beneficial a mind construct will be on my relationship with my mother. The funniest part is that I saw this relationship as one of my most “normal” one’s. Looking now at it with my mind construct x-ray eyes I see that at a certain point I felt the need, after an experience where I thought I had to protect my mom, to take her by her hand. I started parenting my mom while she is more then capable of taking care of herself. Due to my overprotected mother-like behavior we’ve been in several situations together where I wondered why she was acting the way she did and why I had to jump in and take her by the hand. She probably only responded to my behavior. Last week she called me and said that she was sad about the fact that I didn’t call her, which I did but I only spoke to my dad. I reacted to her like she was a whining irritated child and later after reflecting on the situation it struck me, the fact that I was mothering my mother for no real reason at all. So this calls for a mind construct as well, to get to the bottom of it.

I see so clear now that I have been limiting myself in such a big way. I didn’t do things, out of fear, and I assumed a bad outcome even before making any attempt. I stopped a lot of interactions with others even before they took place or could have taken place. What an irony and limitation to not even begin something out of this psychic knowing that I would fail anyways. Things like: I will not address that problem, because they won’t understand it, I will not speak with him, because he doesn’t want to speak with me. If I’m like this then every human must equally be like me, we are all automated organic robots making the same loops over and over again. So lots of time we do not connect to each other, because we think we already know that it isn’t going to work with each other. Based on fake ideas we do no longer direct ourselves, but the ideas do. It’s just too ridiculous that we exist as such limited beings and call ourselves intelligent creatures that stand above the animal and plant kingdom. Hilarious and time to stop this way of living.

We should all be locked up for a few years and do mind constructs. When we pass we’re released in society again, when not, happy mind fucks. Those people will be locked up for ever, If you live within your mind you do not recuire much space, you’re already locked up inside yourself. I will not be locked up forever inside myself and will free myself from my back chat through writing it out and gaining more understanding for what I’ve been doing all my life. I fucked up so badly that fear has become such a master over me that I’m too scared to even see that. Time to stop and time to direct myself according to the rules of equality, what’s best for me is best for you and the rest of the world. So mind constructs it will be!

 

Big Brother on Facebook 27/01/2011

I read an article about the way Facebook  secretly sells check-ins and likes from Face book users for advertising purposes. Our friends on Face book will view our postings as Sponsored Story. This means that companies are able to buy from Facebook our comments, likes and check-ins and show it as a Sponsored Story on top of the wall of our friends. When these companies use your comments or likes also your picture and name is connected to the Sponsored Story. Facebook will not inform you that a company is using your material. Since it’s only used within your friends network and your friends were already able to see what you were up to, Facebook states that there is no privacy breach.

People get all worked up about this kind of “Big Brother” related issues that take place in secrecy. I’m not saying that it’s a cool thing when others make money out of you and do not share it with you and further take your “lifestyle” and sell their product with it without sharing the profits with you. It’s not cool at all, but isn’t that the down site of our preferable capitalistic system? When people smell some “Big Brother is watching you” they get all nervous and paranoia. People really think that somebody or something is able to watch each step they make. What is this? Are we scared of being exposed? Or are we feeling ourselves so special that our government/the elite is watching us like paparazzi? I would love it when a company used my comment made in self-honesty full of common sense and in the best interest of all. Seriously I doubt that will ever happen, self-honest comments made in common sense will never sell dishonest products.

If we really could stand for the actions we take on social networks like Facebook we wouldn’t be scared when somebody is copying our “lifestyle” and we wouldn’t fear these kind of things so tremendously. As soon as we are aware of being watched we fear it, all is fine if we do not know it. Our personal information is everywhere on the internet, because we leave it and place it there. What is there to hide anyway? People get all nervous when their name is used for good or bad things on the internet. When your friends are recommending you to someone else without telling you first or your friends are gossipping behind your back,  it’s the same. The only difference is the money, on the internet the starting point for companies to buy your “lifestyle” data is making more money. So maybe it’s greed that makes us so angry at others that use our “identity” to make money and cut us out of the deal.

It’s possible to steal your identity in lets say a 15 minutes action on a computer and somebody else can use your ID to mingle within society and let you pay his bills or even get you into jail. Now that’s something to worry about. That’s data exchange in the worse interest of all. Still nothing to be scared of all day. What scares us the most is being exposed and that has nothing to do with our “lifestyle”, I’m talking about our secret mind. All the spitefulness, jealousy and abusive thoughts we all have within our secret minds. That which we hide the most, but can be seen in every action we take.

I wonder how my comments fit together with advertisement. Something like,  Sylvia Simone Gerssen said: “equality for all”, Viagra. Or Sylvia Simone Gerssen said: “check out the I-process”, Apple.

Fearing “Big Brother” is the same as fearing ourselves and that’s what scares the hell out of us. The fear for being exposed for our greed and the transparency of our secret mind. Don’t you see it, it’s the words you write and speak and the actions you take accordingly that expose you for who you are. That’s your identity/lifestyle that you leave behind on the internet and within society. Don’t blame others, blame yourself and do something about it. Already a large group of people are taking self responsibility and acting in self-honesty instead of blaming. They place the comments and information on Facebook you still react to. Thats us, Destonians who strife for an Equal Money System and world equality. See you around on the internet.

 

Sinking ship 16/01/2011

Today, while making lunch, I got caught up in the mind. The mind was randomly searching through my vast amount of memories and started like a jukebox playing one of them. This one had really nothing to do with the moment I was physically in, there wasn’t even a smell, a thought or a sound that triggered it.

It was a memory from an event that happend approximately 10 months ago. It was in the first weeks after I had shaved my head walking in the main street of our village and bumping in one of my neighbours and her sister from across the street. The sister looked at me as if she saw an alien and my neighbor A. who isn’t easy to shock made a comment on my head. We started talking and I gave my flyer in which I explained my reasons for shaving my head, I do this so people will remember when they look at the flyer again. She read it and said that she totally agreed with my message, but wasn’t going to join me in shaving her head. Then she became gloomy and said: “What’s the use to do anything about this world, our world is as a sinking ship and is already half way under water, there is no way we can safe it.” At first I was surprised that she agreed with me and then when she got all gloomy I saw that her answer wasn’t any different from the answers the pre-programmed majority already had given: we can’t change the system. For a moment I saw her as special and on my side, till she became gloomy. At that point in my process I wasn’t capable to expand in the Italian language on the sinking ship part. Today through this memory I looked at it again.

I do see that we can compare our world system with a sinking ship and that’s what’s happening we are half way destroying  humanity, our flora and fauna. Maybe it’s a good idea to let it sink, we can always build a new ship. Once we know why it sunk in the first place we can improve the design and build a seaworthy ship. It is never too late when we start understanding why we fucked up our world, why we let the ship sink, why we watched it and didn’t do anything. We accepted and allowed a bad design to exist in the first place and then blamed it on the design and even on the designer, overlooking the fact that we kept using the ship.

We are programmed to believe that we can’t change this world, that we need a higher force to do that for us and that we have to live as a good person to please the higher force to help us out of the shit that nor we nor our higher force have anything to do with and neither are to blame for. What are we saying here exactly? We say that we humans can’t change our current situation which we have created through our past for which we will not take any responsibility. We need someone powerful to clean up the mess we left behind since we didn’t create it and we are absolutely not capable of doing so ourselves. It will be no surprise that this belief and behaviour results in millions of zombies covering our planet. Zombies who “think” that the cure for all of this, which is stopping the mind/ego, turns them into zombies. This makes me fucking wet my pants, because I can’t stop laughing. I mean where do we start when people fear being a zombie while they ARE the fucking zombies?

I’ll say let our capitalistic ship sink, it will do it all by itself, the cause is a matter of our compounded greed. Who ever is getting through the sinking part will find himself in the shoes of Job, robbed of all his material possessions. It seems that humans have to feel first what is happening to them in order to comprehend what is happening already for decades to others. The physical is our measurement for what is real, real is what is touchable. If you physically don’t own anything touchable you know for sure that you’ve been fucked, fucked by your own creation. Maybe in that moment self-forgiveness en self-honesty will appeal to you as the best solution. Will you make it when the ship has already sunk? We can build a new one, but we need lots of hands in order to do so. Hands that are not averse to working, hands that do not fear if they’re capable, but hands that want to create in the best interest of all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel frustrated when people think we can’t change us nor the system.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel good knowing that someone else is on my side.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel surprised that someone agrees with me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel frustrated for not being able to express myself sufficient in Italian.

 

Where do I stand 08/01/2011

After writing some comments on Facebook today and writing about self-trust, I looked back on my process so far. I had to admit towards myself that I’ve been making progress, I’ve been taking on quite some points and I indeed gained more self-trust on these points.

It became so clear to me that I’m not those points based in fear and points of ego/personality which I always saw as a part of me and that I do have the power to not participate within them. Stopping myself and experiencing and living what breath really means.

In the beginning, 2,5 years ago, I understood the word breath and I defined the word breath according to my mind. Without breath there will be death, that was my actual understanding of the word. I had no idea that I could take back my power over myself by simply breathing. The breathing and the 21 days breathing I saw as an impossible mission, now I’ve proven to myself that it can be done.

While taking on several points I realized that I’ve only yet been scratching the surface and that it takes patience, time and breath to get to the core of it, but I will. I’m determined and I trust myself enough that I will get there.

A few blogs ago ( I can’t stand my physical body for showing me reality and the truth about myself) I found out that I fear the death of my ego, after writing that blog I also discovered that it had also to do with the fear of not rebirthing as the physical due to the amount of time I statistically have when it comes to life expectation. I’m not old, but I’m not 18 anymore. So I made peace with it, I can only do so much within self-honesty and within time. I’m simply passing the baton to my children and to everybody that’s living longer than me and willing to stand. I do not want to live my life with this one goal, rebirthing,  like a sword hanging over my head. This would mean specialness and ego again, so I walk my process in self-honesty and see where I end up, in a way it doesn’t matter as long as my process is done in the best interest of all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in fear and to let the fear take over.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I’m my ego and that my personality is real and me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I wasn’t in a position to take back my power.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I within ego was real and had all the power I needed.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that breath is only a physical necessity instead of seeing that breath is life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see breathing as an impossibility.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe I can not rebirth myself as the physical due to age and make this my most important goal in life, instead of taking my process for what it is without any specialness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be special when rebirthing myself as the physical.