Sinking ship 16/01/2011

Today, while making lunch, I got caught up in the mind. The mind was randomly searching through my vast amount of memories and started like a jukebox playing one of them. This one had really nothing to do with the moment I was physically in, there wasn’t even a smell, a thought or a sound that triggered it.

It was a memory from an event that happend approximately 10 months ago. It was in the first weeks after I had shaved my head walking in the main street of our village and bumping in one of my neighbours and her sister from across the street. The sister looked at me as if she saw an alien and my neighbor A. who isn’t easy to shock made a comment on my head. We started talking and I gave my flyer in which I explained my reasons for shaving my head, I do this so people will remember when they look at the flyer again. She read it and said that she totally agreed with my message, but wasn’t going to join me in shaving her head. Then she became gloomy and said: “What’s the use to do anything about this world, our world is as a sinking ship and is already half way under water, there is no way we can safe it.” At first I was surprised that she agreed with me and then when she got all gloomy I saw that her answer wasn’t any different from the answers the pre-programmed majority already had given: we can’t change the system. For a moment I saw her as special and on my side, till she became gloomy. At that point in my process I wasn’t capable to expand in the Italian language on the sinking ship part. Today through this memory I looked at it again.

I do see that we can compare our world system with a sinking ship and that’s what’s happening we are half way destroying  humanity, our flora and fauna. Maybe it’s a good idea to let it sink, we can always build a new ship. Once we know why it sunk in the first place we can improve the design and build a seaworthy ship. It is never too late when we start understanding why we fucked up our world, why we let the ship sink, why we watched it and didn’t do anything. We accepted and allowed a bad design to exist in the first place and then blamed it on the design and even on the designer, overlooking the fact that we kept using the ship.

We are programmed to believe that we can’t change this world, that we need a higher force to do that for us and that we have to live as a good person to please the higher force to help us out of the shit that nor we nor our higher force have anything to do with and neither are to blame for. What are we saying here exactly? We say that we humans can’t change our current situation which we have created through our past for which we will not take any responsibility. We need someone powerful to clean up the mess we left behind since we didn’t create it and we are absolutely not capable of doing so ourselves. It will be no surprise that this belief and behaviour results in millions of zombies covering our planet. Zombies who “think” that the cure for all of this, which is stopping the mind/ego, turns them into zombies. This makes me fucking wet my pants, because I can’t stop laughing. I mean where do we start when people fear being a zombie while they ARE the fucking zombies?

I’ll say let our capitalistic ship sink, it will do it all by itself, the cause is a matter of our compounded greed. Who ever is getting through the sinking part will find himself in the shoes of Job, robbed of all his material possessions. It seems that humans have to feel first what is happening to them in order to comprehend what is happening already for decades to others. The physical is our measurement for what is real, real is what is touchable. If you physically don’t own anything touchable you know for sure that you’ve been fucked, fucked by your own creation. Maybe in that moment self-forgiveness en self-honesty will appeal to you as the best solution. Will you make it when the ship has already sunk? We can build a new one, but we need lots of hands in order to do so. Hands that are not averse to working, hands that do not fear if they’re capable, but hands that want to create in the best interest of all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel frustrated when people think we can’t change us nor the system.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel good knowing that someone else is on my side.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel surprised that someone agrees with me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel frustrated for not being able to express myself sufficient in Italian.

The witch in me 27/11/2010

The persecution of witches started around the 5th century AD when Christianity occurred, the witches were accused for political, religious and sexual crimes. Their so called crimes were a threat to the Protestant and Catholic church as well as to the State. Also the bible speaks in Leviticus 20:27 about witches, it says: “A man also or woman that hath a familiar spirit, or that is a wizard, shall surely be put to death: they shall stone them with stones: their blood shall be upon them.”

The hunting for witches took place from the 5th century AD till the 17th century AD in Europe. Between 1500 and 1600, about 80,000 witches were accused and executed, 80% of them were women. The 17th century AD was a horrible era for women who were a bit “different” from the rest. These witches were tortured in different ways and ended up death at all times. They were stripped naked and shaved of all their body hair, then they were subjected to thumbscrews and the rack, spikes and bone-crushing “boots,” starvation and beatings. The water test was commonly used to determine if one was a witch. The accused person was thrown into the water and only the ones that were floating were stigmatised as witches and payed for the stigma with their life’s. The ones who sank were innocent, but anyways death by drawning. The witch-craze did not arise spontaneously in the peasantry. It was the ruling class that feared these people and therefore terrorized them in order to keep the masses under control. At the end of the 17th century witchcraft trials begun to diminish throughout Europe. Some countries such as Holland adopted a more tolerant attitude towards witchcraft. Voltaire said: “The witches have stopped to exist when we have stopped to burn them”. Regrettable enough the damage that was done upon humanity didn’t end with a tolerant attitude and the stopping of burning people.

What kind of people were these witches? Overall women who were healers, unlicensed doctors, anatomists of western history, bortionists, nurses, counsellors, pharmacists and midwives. Witches were the only autonomous healers, serving the peasant population as women and the poor. The witch was a triple threat to the Church: They were generally  women. They were organized within an underground of peasant women. And they were a healers whose practice was based in empirical study. For Christianity, this meant that they held out the hope of change in this world.

After these centuries women were replaced/suppressed by men. We women, already accepted and allowed ourselves to be enslaved within our menstruation cycles, but with men in power enforced by the Church and State we were no longer able to be “free” and creative humans outside our own homes. Conventional medicine took over the role of healers, male professionals outran women with their superior technology. By then male “science” was more or less automatically replaced by female superstition, which from then on was called “old wives’ tales.” The strange thing is that male professionals clung unto untested doctrines and ritualistic practices, while it were the women healers who represented a more humane, empirical approach to healing. Male science and medical education was controlled by the Medieval Church, with the support of kings, princes and secular authorities. The rights and medical care for the poor and women was automatically no longer existent.

Since the witch hunts, women have been associated with witches and this negative picture of witches which is all that has remained. This cruel exclusion of women out of society and out of healing professions became a theme within history. Women had been seen as evil and cooperating with the devil himself, therefore they were a threat to the Church and State who feared them. They believed that the more satanic powers women had and therefore the more power to help themselves, the less they were dependent on God, the Church and the State and the more they were potentially able to use their own powers against God’s order.

This part of history won’t go by unnoticed, because the evidence of what happend is still in our DNA through epigenetics. Since we humans inherited the sins of the fathers we have a lot to sort out. Stuck in history and the ones that came before us we still live within the fears made and believed by our fathers. So I asked myself, what does this practically mean in daily life to me? How much witch is there still in me? I started investigating within myself.

When I say the word witch out loud, I do not consciously feel a negative charge to this word. After researching this subject I’m really amazed how much influence this one point in history had and still has. The word witch, I associate with nature, natural cures and witchcraft as in fantasy power. When I look into history it was the beginning of fear of authority created by the Church and State, fear of free speech, keeping the sheeple under control, power struggles between man and woman and the beginning of modern medicine or shall I say quackery?

To get more clarity on the subject I muscle communicated for the feeling, normally. Than I found out that this word originated between 1590-1600, the period in which the witch hunt was at it’s worst. To understand this feeling I tested for a book and came up with the following sentences: ” that to which you resist, will stay. Where you look at, will disappear. For me this sentences had to do with my struggle with authority, or fear for authority. Although after testing it had to do with fear in general/normal. So the fear I resist, will stay. The fear I I’m able to look at, will disappear. Wow, so true. I’m astonished, the in heritage of the witch hunt which is in my DNA, results in daily life for me in resisting fear. Not wanting to face all my fears. I can only do so much and take one fear at the time, but clearly there will be fears that I don’t want to face. This information challenged me and I wanted to find at least one fear that I haven’t been willing to face yet. I muscle communicated for the emotion, quieting. Which meant not obtrusive, which led me to the word protruding. Meaning the fear of protrusive behavior of others upon me. That does make sense. After testing I found out that this fear was a direct outflow of the fear for authority which is originated in the medieval period and connected to the witch hunt. Wow again. Look how fucked we are with the sins of the fathers, it’s this big spider web or matrix with interconnections everywhere. I’m overwhelmed, but than again I wanted to know this. Now I know, I know where these fears originate from and I understand how much ripples there are in the water when I throw in a stone. I start to understand what the impact of the words responsibility and consequences are, it’s huge. It’s huge yet we have to take it on in order to birth ourselves into the physical. Happy process, Sylvia.

Than I asked myself how much witch there is in me. I tested for the word slime, meaning a worthless person according to the slang dictionary. Wow, I just found out that my cyst on my lateral thigh stands for worthlessness. So this interconnects, because also that tested out to be inherited.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to resist fear in general.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not want to face all my fears, instead of knowing that I need to forgive all my fears.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make excuses for not taking on all my fears.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear protrusive behavior of others upon me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to do things alone and not to ask for help when I could use it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe I have to be strong and do things on my own.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear authority.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel strangled when authority is put upon me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the information that I found by feeling overwhelmed.