Sylvia's writing to freedom

Why are Destonians blogging the hell out off themselves? 13/02/2012

Writing is one of the many tools a Destonian has to his/her disposal. When you write in words,  that what keeps you busy inside of you, you’ll place information/knowledge from your mind into your physical reality. Whenever points are written in black and white, thoughts/memories/feelings/emotions/fears they become tangible and are ready to be dealt with. We’re able to read our writings from many years ago, but we’re not able to repeat our words from years ago word by word. Words that are spoken out loud on a video, vlogs, have the same principle, it’s making your inner reality into tangible earthly moments.

Starting this process of writing oneself out is a process on it’s own, many times we think we do not have anything to write about or it doesn’t matter what we have to say, but that’s only false modesty. It’s simply training oneself into taking a moment to express oneself in written words. Writers blocks, blanks, it all will be there as a  challenge from Self to Self. When one doesn’t want to reveal oneself to Self it’s obvious that the mind will try to block us. The question is, are we willing to give into that or are we willing to push through those moments of resistance to discover what needs to be hidden and can’t stand day light according to our mind/ego.

When we look at our society we see that whenever a message is important it will be in written form. The justice system uses written words and gives value to those words in order to convict one or not. When we have to pay our bills it’s in writing and when we do not pay we get more writings from a bailiff. When we get a job, our job description is in writing, to remind us of our obligations and to sue us whenever we are negligent. The police writes a police report in order to see whether you’re guilty or not. School wants you to write in order to imprint the information the system wants to implement in our future generation. The list goes on and on, we in the system use written words whenever we want to deliver an important message which is always a one way communication.

So to many of us writing and using words in black and white are equal to obliging oneself to the system which is in most cases the opposite of our own desires and wishes. And in a way we oblige ourselves when writing ourselves out, because once it’s out on paper/computer it is there right in front of us and can’t be erased. Whether you stripe through your words, they’ll be burnt onto your retina and you know what your dealing with. That might be a frightening experience, but try and see the beauty of it. Every word you write within Self-honesty is a gift to Self, to evolve into a being that is willing to take Self-responsibility for his/her own words/actions.

It’s important to get all the shit that is inside of us out in writing and see the patterns that are there visible for our eye in writing. One can do as much inner talk/back chat as one wishes, the real issue will never be as clear as when we write it down. From time to time we will be shocked by our own words, but that’s fine, it’s simply a reality check.

It took me quite a while before I dared to write about myself in black and white, as if I felt that once I started this process of writing there was no way back. From writing a bit now and then I started writing every day. Then I started blogs and went in the open with my writings on the internet. Warnt by many close to me that it might not be such a good idea to share all the struggles inside of me. Some even asked to not be mentioned within the blogs. Which reveals to us our extensive fear for the written word. I continued and started to write not only about my inner struggles but also about the struggles in our world, which isn’t a big step sidewards, since my inner struggles are one and equal to the outer struggles in our world.

I started enjoying this writing and I saw how I was able to grow through these writings. I had placed myself in black and white, able to see for all the world what I had accepted and allowed inside of me, as me equal to my world. I started to create an audience and there another point opened up. By sharing all that’s in me I touch upon all that is inside of you, see we’re more similar then we want to admit. So if I benefit from writing myself out, I bet it will benefit also you. Embrace this process of gifting yourself to yourself and see in common sense where you can improve yourself.

Within our writings as Destonians we use Self-forgiveness to pin point in Self-honesty what we have been accepting and allowing and from there on we write Self Corrective Statements to remind ourselves of the agreement we made with Self to keep our words and actions in line with the best interest of all. That way we discover the living words which can be spoken or written in Self-honesty to bring about change in this world that is sustainable. Writing nice stories that will flatter you will take you into vanity and ego, where we all will end up from time to time. Though when you start knowing yourself through your writings, you can see that vanity and ego are a point to take on without shame or suppression.

Ever wondered why Destonians are writing themselves to freedom? Simple we free ourselves from all that was attached to our words as emotions/feelings/fears to see that real freedom is not within mind reality, but instead here within our physical reality where words are words and have no polarized load to them. Simply communicating from Self to Self and to all the other Selves. Join us and blog the hell out off yourself to reveal you to yourself and be proud within humbleness on the steps that you take forward in the best interest of all.

Share your blogs with us on Facebook or on the Desteni Universe forum.

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OMG they are no longer my friend 14/03/2011

Yesterday while promoting my “Equality message of the week for you” Facebook page amongst my friends I missed a profile picture. As easy as people do friend you on Facebook or You Tube as easy they unfriend you. And when I looked again I saw that I was missing out on 3 persons, my aunt, my uncle and my nephew. It brought a ominous feeling over me, they silently left the room without saying why.

These things are so revealing and again pointing back at me to show me where I’m at in process. My mind started guessing right away. Don’t they like me anymore, are they fed up with my Desteni messages, will they gossip about me within the family are they going to express feelings of concern about me within my family and can I fix this.

The funny thing is that I barely know them anymore, when I think of my aunt and uncle, I think of memories. Our last physical contact was 3 years ago on a birthday party of my dad. My nephew at the funeral of another aunt around 10 years ago. I accidently stumbled upon them on the internet and connected due to the fact that they are family. Whenever other friends unfriend me I do not ask myself all these questions.

When I found my nephew on internet and connected with him on Skype we had a short chat. He asked how I was and I answered. He didn’t say anything about himself so I suggested to exchange e-mail adresses to keep in touch and gave him the url of our family blog with all the stories about immigrating to Italy. He never responded again, till my dad said: “your uncle says that you do not want to connect with your nephew anymore.” I was left in the dark and could not figure out how someone could twist words like that. I told my dad that this was more then a communication error, it was ought. I left it there at that point, I figured it would be useless and no fun when someone isn’t able to normally communicate. I saw that I was holding on to my memories, those I had from him when my 9 years younger nephew and I were quite close and meeting up at family reunions.

It was rejection that I felt with my nephew a few years ago and yesterday it was again rejection I felt when not finding them between my Facebook friends. I see that I’m taking this personal while I have no clue why they left, so it’s my ego at work here. I need to work with what is here and here is my Facebook list missing out on 3 people. Why they left only they know and if I figure that it would make a difference if I knew why I should ask. In fact I’m not even that curious about their motivations, would they tell the truth if I asked or confronted them with their unfriending, I have no idea. I see that my concern is me in a self interested way. I’m asking myself if they are going to make a fuss towards my parents. This fear is based at my recent experience with my brother-in-law who in a possessed way was alarming quite some family about our involvement in Desteni. I say involvement in Desteni, because that’s what people see, they do not see or hear what I’m saying. It feels like being judged on their idea about Desteni, which that may be and if they even really investigate it or rather start screaming stimulated by their own fears. Again assumptions from my part while the fact is still that they left my Facebook account.

Is this changing me deep within my foundations of who I really am? NO. So then I need to stop bothering about it and move on. There is no need to get possessed about such a normal daily happening affect. I friend, people unfriend and I friend others gain. Isn’t that how life goes, moving on?

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take the act of being unfriended as something personal, instead of seeing that people can only decide upon this due to their own reactions.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to project fears into my future about my aunt, uncle and nephew who could make a fuss within my family.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to approach this event through the eyes of previous memories with these family members.

 

Where do I stand within modern society and its vast information? 30/01/2011

We are living in times where data about almost anything you can think of is free to access. Traditions, books, tv, radio, the internet, it all gives us information on various topics. The internet will account for a large portion of the information we seek. Google, You Tube, social networks as Facebook and twitter, it’s huge. The supply of information is vast and I have to search in common sense through the controlled data Google is providing me. In order to see what’s valid I have to apply the information and walk it myself. Till so far it’s doable and I can take my own stance within it. In other words, my micro world is covered. Thus on a micro level I can work things out and I’m grateful for the information provided.

Also on a macro level I take information in, although I’m living within my family and friends networks I’m also part of a country and that country is part of the entire world. Only to, for instance understand why my groceries are getting more expensive every month, I need to form a total picture of my world. In order to indicate my micro world within a macro level I need information from others. This information is more difficult to apply since I depend in this case on information given by governments, corporations and media. I can not test for myself if oil is indeed more expensive or wether there is speculation in the game. Therefore this vast information is making the foundations of my stance to shake. Do I believe all that’s been said by the main stream media, do I go along with conspiracy theories or do I let fear through this vast amount of information get a hold on me? Is the USA in Iraq to bring democracy? Are Dutch policemen going to Afghan to learn the military there how to search a person? Are deseases used to financially exploit us? Are investors speculating with our food commodities? Is China going to be the next world power or is Israel aiming for it? Are the riots in the Middle East a big deception?

I came across a video on the internet of Sheikh Imran Hosein which has been recorded in 2003, he predicts already back then what is happening in the Middle East right now. He warns for the deceptive game that is played by Israel. He states that the agitation in the Middle East is specific engineered by Israel. The Arab news site Al Jazeera is according to Hosein installed by the Jews to evoke more agitation and rage within the Arab world. Till the point is reached that Israel has to so called defend herself and performs a pre-emptive-strike, a blitzkrieg with “state of the art” technology. All to gain power and rule exclusively over the region. It doesn’t sound all too ridiculous what Hosein predicts and Al Jazeera does bring quite unilaterally information. I disapprove with the way most people have to live in the Middle East while their leaders live like Gods, though when I look at the riots in Egypt I only see young activists. Where are the people who aren’t allowing and accepting this poverty anymore or am I searching for sensation here? The whole event is about power that’s cristal clear, but is it the Arab potentates that seek for ultimate power, or is it the USA who wants to keep his ally Egypt and therefore power over this region full of oil, or is it Israel who want exclusive power over the region. You tell me, because I’m lost within this vast amount of information and at the same time lost within my macro world. On a micro level I could cope on a macro level it’s another game and probably the reason why people get totally apathetic of their outside world. Where am I within all this information? It is too much information and not giving us a clue of what we’re dealing with, but we need to care. We must understand that we need each other, together we are our macro world.

Too much non testable information is making us apathetic and escaping into our minds. OMG in our minds we find even a worst world, our inner world which is fueled by dishonesty and spiteful thoughts. Emotions and feelings which are interconnecting us in all kinds of information which makes us end up even more disillusioned. I better stick to my physical reality and strip it from all energy driven emotions and feelings which are not really adding anything to my menu of information about this mysterious macro world. I need to ask myself the simple question if all this information about for instance Hosein his theory is valid or not and if it’s adding something to my reality. I know already that men is deceptive, wants power and sticks his greedy fingers without any regret in others their basic needs. If Israel is going for this power trip, am I at this very moment able to avoid that? I don’t think so. So does all this information keeps me sharp and is it helping me with making decisions? I don’t think so. I need to regain my stance and take a stand for life and by no means ever again allow and accept abuse within my world and no longer take less then world equality. Only what’s best for all gets approved by me. I will clear my inner world to be ready in time for my outer world. Information is great, but I will no longer BE this vast information. I will trust myself and use information within a clear starting point of what is best for all and no energy will lead me anymore. I’m ready to change the world within the borders of my micro and macro worlds without violence and a plan to stick to. This plan is the Equal Money System and many are doing so with me. Join us and make the real difference.

 

Cairo is on fire and I’m fighting against time 29/01/2011

For the last couple of days I’m following the news about the Middle East, riots and looting everywhere. People being fed up with their living conditions and not longer allowing their suppressors to bully them. That in itself is a step forward and showing us that when we lose almost everything and our living conditions are low we are willing to stand up and unite. The step backwards is the fact that people tend to stand up within violence and don’t back it up with a realistic plan.

Cairo is on fire the people are sick and tired of Mubarak and his henchman. One tenth of Cairo’s population was in the streets today protesting and all borders faded away while fighting their demons. It’s really sad what happens n Cairo right now, then again when I looked at it in a realistic way I noticed that Mubarak is already 30 years in power. I was 12 when he got in office and I never asked myself if there was already another president in Egypt. The only thing I know is that Mubarak is president of Egypt. What a disinterest from my part and what a horrible long time for a population to come to this point of not taking it any longer. Egyptians were characterized as apathetic when it comes to politics, even last week reporters let us believe that the Egyptians had separated themselves from politics they simply didn’t care anymore. How wrong could they be, it was just a matter of time.

When I got the message that the Egyptian government had shut down the internet and closed the country from the rest of the world I experienced it as a serious measurement point for the compounding effect the world currently is in. Sooner or later a country would use this corrective punishment on it’s own people and Egypt chose to be the first. It’s not so much that I fear the shut down of the world wide web, because internet is an already unstoppable entity. It was given to us to clear up the crisis of the ’90 and to let us all buy computers to boost the economy. The genie came out of the lamp and isn’t planning to go back in again. I posted the message about the internet shut down on Facebook to spread this news and to look together at this point of “restriction of freedom” and seeing how quick news would spread on a social network. For hours I had no response what so ever and was disappointed. How can we accomplish anything when people do not care, I thought. Then I found the live stream tread from Al Jazeera and posted also this link on Facebook. It was not so much that I thought I could change the Egyptian situation by spreading the news it was more that I felt alone, having to wait for others to spread the real news. The news that it is us, our ugly face that’s manifesting in our world and that we have to take responsibility for it NOW!

I was waiting for others who didn’t know I was waiting for them. In fact I was waiting for myself to take action. I needed to see what was triggered inside me that I took these events so personal. I’ve been in Egypt 22 years ago so the pictures now about Egypt make sense to me I can connect them to my memories, I can relate. On the other hand I felt some sort of excitement or confirmation of the bad times we’re in. So energy was moving me and making me impatience, not wanting to wait on others yet blaming the others for not joining in. I can only take responsibility for myself and only I can take action for self-honest reasons in the best interest of all. I’m fighting against time!

Time isn’t my best friend. Time I experience as something that is limiting me. When I’m ignoring time I feel on top of my world since I have all the time of the world. If I have, lets say make dinner, before a specific time I feel restricted. In such an extent that I can feel it physically. When I’m in a waiting mode and not taking responsibility I fear not to keep up with time, when I do keep up I feel excited. It’s almost as if I want to impose my will upon time to manipulate it. So I feel good when I can ignore time/reality and do anything to manipulate time/reality to feel no limitations and do as I please. That’s a lot of feelings that move me if it comes to time. It’s time that I take responsibility for myself and it’s time to say stop to the violent events in the Middle East. I can only stop these events when I’m self-honest with the ugliness inside of me when I deal with my demons. Changing the world is only possible by changing myself and that takes TIME.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not be in touch with world events which unfold over a long period of time and not asking myself critical questions about these events. In which I ultimate prohibit myself to look from my outside world into my inside word and be critical enough to stand in self-honesty.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel alone while waiting on others to take action with me instead of realising that it is me who have to take actions. Within these actions I can be a living example and let others join in.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to move myself through energy and not as a self willed action.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fight against time.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience time as limitation.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to ignore time and therefore my reality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to manipulate time and therefore my reality to impose my energy driven will upon it.

 

Big Brother on Facebook 27/01/2011

I read an article about the way Facebook  secretly sells check-ins and likes from Face book users for advertising purposes. Our friends on Face book will view our postings as Sponsored Story. This means that companies are able to buy from Facebook our comments, likes and check-ins and show it as a Sponsored Story on top of the wall of our friends. When these companies use your comments or likes also your picture and name is connected to the Sponsored Story. Facebook will not inform you that a company is using your material. Since it’s only used within your friends network and your friends were already able to see what you were up to, Facebook states that there is no privacy breach.

People get all worked up about this kind of “Big Brother” related issues that take place in secrecy. I’m not saying that it’s a cool thing when others make money out of you and do not share it with you and further take your “lifestyle” and sell their product with it without sharing the profits with you. It’s not cool at all, but isn’t that the down site of our preferable capitalistic system? When people smell some “Big Brother is watching you” they get all nervous and paranoia. People really think that somebody or something is able to watch each step they make. What is this? Are we scared of being exposed? Or are we feeling ourselves so special that our government/the elite is watching us like paparazzi? I would love it when a company used my comment made in self-honesty full of common sense and in the best interest of all. Seriously I doubt that will ever happen, self-honest comments made in common sense will never sell dishonest products.

If we really could stand for the actions we take on social networks like Facebook we wouldn’t be scared when somebody is copying our “lifestyle” and we wouldn’t fear these kind of things so tremendously. As soon as we are aware of being watched we fear it, all is fine if we do not know it. Our personal information is everywhere on the internet, because we leave it and place it there. What is there to hide anyway? People get all nervous when their name is used for good or bad things on the internet. When your friends are recommending you to someone else without telling you first or your friends are gossipping behind your back,  it’s the same. The only difference is the money, on the internet the starting point for companies to buy your “lifestyle” data is making more money. So maybe it’s greed that makes us so angry at others that use our “identity” to make money and cut us out of the deal.

It’s possible to steal your identity in lets say a 15 minutes action on a computer and somebody else can use your ID to mingle within society and let you pay his bills or even get you into jail. Now that’s something to worry about. That’s data exchange in the worse interest of all. Still nothing to be scared of all day. What scares us the most is being exposed and that has nothing to do with our “lifestyle”, I’m talking about our secret mind. All the spitefulness, jealousy and abusive thoughts we all have within our secret minds. That which we hide the most, but can be seen in every action we take.

I wonder how my comments fit together with advertisement. Something like,  Sylvia Simone Gerssen said: “equality for all”, Viagra. Or Sylvia Simone Gerssen said: “check out the I-process”, Apple.

Fearing “Big Brother” is the same as fearing ourselves and that’s what scares the hell out of us. The fear for being exposed for our greed and the transparency of our secret mind. Don’t you see it, it’s the words you write and speak and the actions you take accordingly that expose you for who you are. That’s your identity/lifestyle that you leave behind on the internet and within society. Don’t blame others, blame yourself and do something about it. Already a large group of people are taking self responsibility and acting in self-honesty instead of blaming. They place the comments and information on Facebook you still react to. Thats us, Destonians who strife for an Equal Money System and world equality. See you around on the internet.

 

Heaven on earth 18/01/2011

This morning when I opened my Facebook account and watched my wall, it was all love and light. The last couple of days I’ve friended a lot of light workers so I have no right to complain. It’s just that some days my stomach couldn’t stand the amount of love and light and I needed a bucket to empty my stomach contents. I know that I’m simply reacting within such a moment to a part of me that was once part of my personality. I friended them out of the simple fact that I was there where they are now and I am now where they can be, in process.

There is this Scandinavian woman who is posting almost the whole day long these pictures that evoke positive emotions and feelings. In her thank you comments she always includes the word love. Around Christmas it was only mood pictures that she posted at a rapid pace as if she was a  tennis ball machine. Sometimes when I saw her picture I experienced a hint of anger and my secret mind produced comments like: “Does she has nothing better to do all day?” Also here I’m reacting, when I look back at my day at night I often feel that I was inefficient during my day. I could have done so much more, but I didn’t. Also today I did what I had to do and even a little bit more, but the rest of the day I was hibernating in front of the stove. It was cold outside and therefore cold inside and on those days I’m rooted to my stove. Maybe even addicted to the heat.

When I started with Facebook within my I-process, I had already practised commenting on YouTube. So every time when a “friend” wrote something I felt the duty to show them also another way of approaching the topic they were posting. I really did this in self-honesty as it seemed in that moment, but my starting point was one of dishonesty. Again I was reacting and this time towards the topic they were posting. Reacting is working with energy and energy isn’t real, so what is the use of debating something that is originated in something that isn’t even real?

So I stopped and I breathed I can no longer only react to all that is coming by on Facebook. My effectiveness lies in being self-honest and doing what I have to do to get on with my own process. I can only show and share my process with others through blogging and vlogging, reactions on others are indicators to look inside myself and to see what it is within myself that I’m reacting to. Commenting I only do on topics from Desteni people and not because I react on the topic, but simply because I see that I can add something to the discussion. Only then we can do the equality equation and show others how to communicate without wanting something from the other or to boost our ego and personality. It’s really refreshing once we leave competition out of the equation and interact as humans with no hidden agenda in self trust and trust of the other. Heaven on Facebook to practise for heaven on earth.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react with emotions and feelings on love and light messages.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react on other people without seeing that it’s me I ‘m reacting on.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react and comment from a dishonest starting point.

 

I want to live and not wander about like a zombie. 20/11/2010

Today I made a vlog about still having a hoarse voice, still coughing and being fed up with it. It comes all down on the fear to expand myself and within that the fear to fail within this expanding. If I don’t expand, I will never find out if I failed. I have to move forward to apply new realisations and to correct myself within the physical. I do apply and correct myself, but first I will resist.

 

I didn’t light the stove this morning, I had searched for the light cubes to initiate the fire, but couldn’t find them. When an hour later my partner P. came home, he was surprised I hadn’t fired up the fire. I said: “I couldn’t find the cubes”. P. said: “The cubes are next to the stove”. I realised I hadn’t searched next to the stove. When I saw where the cubes were I was surprised I hadn’t seen them before. I asked myself how it could be that I didn’t feel the need to light the fire, knowing myself as a chilly person. I was afraid to fuck up, always when I light the fire P. is complaining about my pyromanic skills. Or it’s too much wood, too little wood, not enough heat yet, not well stapled wood etcetera. I’m taking this personal and therefore I’m not learning from it and I’m incapable to expand myself when it comes to lighting a fire.

 

Or I resist going to the gasstation to fill up the car with gas. Up front I fear failing. Failing to fill in the special papers for tax deduction. Of course I than manifest the fear and the form is filled in all wrong and confirming my fear. I pushed through this one and saw that I was boycotting daily life when refusing to fill up the gastank while being a few hundred meters away from the gasstation. When I strip this fear and look at the story again it’s almost hilarious to see how much I limit myself within ordinary matters. The fear of expanding, the fear of failure and the fear of losing control are directing me with my permission.

 

There is so much that I’ve feared and still so much to fear and all covered up by excuses, justifications and blaming others or situations. When I do get over them I’m nickering about it. Most of us will not call it fear, but once one can look in self honesty towards oneself one can spot fear from a distance.

 

Tonight I committed myself to commenting on FB. Effective, common sensical commenting on the issues others present to me. I did that before, when commenting on people, who are still within a spiritual phase. This caused a lot of friction and I labeled it as an ineffective way of communicating. My starting point was still one of reacting, tonight my starting point was one of understanding what was presented to me and stripping it down to the facts. Thereafter I commented in common sense on the facts that were presented to me to create awareness about the mechanisms that are behind our human behavior. I also committed to take responsibility for the words I write and speak, so here the fear for failure kicked in. A while after I had commented I was feeling oppressed as if my body was restricting and limiting my breathing and was saying, directed by my mind, no expansion here. I stopped and applied the four count breathing. I told myself that all reactions of others on my words are not something I can direct and take responsibility for, If I wrote my comments in self honesty to be effective in making a change/difference than that’s all to consider for me.

 

Expanding is living, I don’t want to be dead before I die. I will face all my fears one at a time and will probably have a good laugh about it when this is all over, dead or alive.

 

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to resist new realisations before applying and correcting myself.

 

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to not want to see the light cubes to light the stove, while it was obvious where they were. I had seen it there before, but totally blocked it while searching.

 

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to block a practical memory about where to find the light cubes.

 

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to be afraid for failing in lighting up the fire.

 

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to limit myself and not experiment with lighting the fire, knowing that P. would come home and comment on it.

 

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to take P.’s comments personal, while all I have to work with are the facts that are here. The reactions of P. are his business. I can point it out but not take responsibility for.

 

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to fear failure and losing control when it comes to expanding myself within this world.

 

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to comment on other people their words from the starting point of reacting.

 

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to cause friction through the words I used, while using a dishonest starting point.

 

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to react to the word dishonest and realising that this means I’m not only a nice person, there is also evil inside of me.

 

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to fear for the words I’ve written while commenting in self-honesty, showing myself that my self value is still unstable.

 

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to feel oppressed by fearing expanding.