Sylvia's writing to freedom

Are we going to invest in education? 28/02/2011

We all know by experience that education isn’t one of mans most brillant inventions ever. The students that stood out the crowd and accomplished intellectual fame later in life were mostly school drop outs or autodidacts. During my own educational career that started 38 years ago and lasted for 21 years I witnessed the decline of the whole system. Already back then we had teachers that were not up to the task and went home with a mental break down not to be seen back anymore.

Then there were the years when we had too much graduated teachers, who chose another profession to survive and pay off their study loan. Nobody chose to do this study anymore and within 5 years and more there was a shortage of teachers. Governments started campaigns to trick people into the educational system and let them teach. This was the beginning of a chaos era. New teachers entered the school system who never had been teaching before, though some had a passion for working with students and were capable to transfer the knowledge better then any teacher ever. Others were disasters and of course they were the one’s who stayed within the system till their retirement and they received the gold watch.

In  those 21 years within the system I’ve witnessed cutbacks after cutbacks. Where teachers were in the old days, once a year on strike, they currently can pick which demonstration they want to go to or just oversleep and stay home. I wouldn’t be surprised if there exists a strike brochure for the whole school year, like a menu to pick from. Nothing changes by striking, the change needs to take place from the inside out. Teachers, the educational system and governments need to get their priorities straight. If not the decline wil make morons out of our children.

To illustrate how intellectual, common sensical our current teachers are and where they prioritize, a few examples from real life:

Italian language teacher:

Hair is a living material


Italian math teacher:

Sitting in front of a computer during an excel course and grabbing the mouse asking: what do I need to do now?


Italian math teacher:

Sticking verses on the kitchen cupboards to learn Dante by heart.


Dutch language teacher:

Baking bread with students while using a bread maker and being surprised to find the dough blade inside the bread.


Dutch language teacher:

Painting on the windows to decorate the classroom with waterproof paint and asking if the paint is washable.


Italian geography teacher:

Responding to the question why they write the word sex as a grade in the children’s report, she states that if they write ‘sei’ (6) students can make a ‘sette’ (7) out of it.


Italian english teacher:

After 15 years of studying the English language still saying “free” instead of “three”.


Italian remedial teacher:

Giving candies to a child with disturbed behavior like ADHD and not understanding why the kid gets so fucked up.


It’s time to get serious here. Schools are full of teachers who are a shame for their own profession. Schools with no financial means and working with old materials will not determine how teachers teach. Teaching without money is teaching with huge limitations, but when teachers in third world countries can pull the trick why can’t we? We have to look deeper into the real issues. What is it that we should accomplish through education? Do we want to make our children into uniformity and let them all go to the same factory or office and be slaves of the system? If so then we better implant the necessary information into the child so it can be effective within the system. If we really want to teach our children and let them apply the learned information within reality, then we have to throw away the current abusive educational system.

We need to start understanding that we can not make money over the backs of our children. Education needs to be reincarnation of information over and over again in every moment for every child. Simply because the message is always the same in every moment and needs to be available for every child in every moment. Information that can be walked, that can be experienced. Learning how to care for yourself and your planet with all that lives on it. Words like inequality, competition, comparison, greed, jealousy and power need to be explained and then banned. We need citizens of the world that do not fear themselves and their world. Citizens who understand that doing what’s in the best interest of all is also benefitting themselves. Citizens who are prepared to not be driven by money and do all that they can to establish world equality.

A change is now more possible then ever. By implementing the Equal Money System, education would be free for everybody. Education is an investment into  the future and not a financial investment.

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Equality will arrive with or without you 27/02/2011

There are days on which I experience this heaviness, I do not say depression, but it comes close to it when trying to describe it. It’s a feeling of oh my God how did we end up like this, the world is entering this endless state of madness and where am I in all of this. How can we ever get out of this madness? On these days I experience this feeling when  participating within my little physical world and also when I enter cyberspace and participate on the world wide web. So many atrocities that flash by in front of my eyes and at the same time so many deluded and kind of drunk people who had way too much love elixer for the day. Sick that’s what we are, sick into every pore of our existence. This has to stop, we simply have to understand that this way it isn’t going to work out for all of us.

 

Where did it go wrong and where did I go wrong? Where did I accept and allow all this madness, where did I start to participate within this madness? Probably the moment I took my first breath into this reality on earth, its the sins of the fathers that equipped us with this feeling of heaviness. The cycle needs to be broken, the spell of the fathers, we need to start learning from our past. Understanding our past so we know where we went wrong and not falling for the same old mistakes over and over again. By all means no re-creating of our past. It took us a life time to get to the point where we are right now, therefore I cannot expect to undo this all within a breath. Step by step I can deconstruct myself from all the constructs that add up to who I am today and that’s the best I can do.

 

It took me almost 3 years to get to the point of being able to take a parcel from the postman today and be as neutral as possible. I saw the postman pull up his car on the drive way and walk up to my front door with 2 parcels in his hand. I openend the front door and accepted the mailed parcels. It’s my daughter A. her birthday so I looked at the senders name to see who had send it. It were 2 parcels from my in-laws, I noticed my body was making an attempt to get into this habit of being tense and anxious. While seeing what I was about to do I breathed and it went away as quick as it had come. Then my mind tried to backchat about the second hand wrapping paper that was around the biggest packet, but I watched the packet in my hand and it was just a packet, nothing more and nothing less. I called the kids who were upstairs to come down because of the mail.

 

My son J. started to speak in a manner as I used to speak when it concerned my in-laws and it shocked me to hear what came out of his mouth. At the same time I knew that it was me who taught him to speak in this manner by being his living example. I corrected him and told him that it was just a parcel from his grandparents and the fact that they hadn’t been too nice to us before, is just a memory that doesn’t say anything about the received parcel in this moment now, here. I saw that his system had a bit trouble to let go of his feelings of rejection towards his grandparents. I’ve recently been struggling and working on this point and I’m ready to take my responsibility within this family quarrel, my son hasn’t been through this process yet. I can’t blame him, I’m only witnessing the remains of my old self reflected in my son, the sins of the fathers.

 

This is only one moment out of my life where I was able to direct myself by self willed action. It takes a hell lot more actions to clear myself from all the build up bullshit in me and that’s only me. I’m only one dot in the matrix of all the people in this world and they all have to face themselves as I do, ready or not, reality will force itself upon them. Either they die or choose life, so you tell me what it is going to be? I’m correcting and changing myself out of the simple fact that changing the world starts with oneself. I don’t want to have a lot of these days with a heavy and depressed feeling. I will stand and take the bumpy road towards equality, only world equality will get us out of our shitty world. So simply hard work and understanding that no matter what equality will arrive with or without us humans. We see ourselves as these upper creatures, but I’m laughing my fucking ass off when I hear people say this. Who is this retarded that he isn’t seeing that we are the maggots and parasites of this world and not the other way around.

 

 

Cutting back on our children through education 26/02/2011

Today my son J. came home from school and told me that he had to make a shopping list for the stationers. Apart from the normal notebooks and drawing paper, the art teacher wanted colored tracing paper in at least 4 colors. Two weeks ago the art teacher wanted yarn in at least 4 colors, she comes up with all kinds of materials outside the curriculum. I understand she likes to spice up the art lessons and the education system here in Italy has had this year tremendous cutbacks. So the choice is, letting the parents buy extra materials over and over again or just stick to pencil and paper and learn the students the basics of drawing. It frustrates me to buy way too much art materials for quite useless art expressions while I can use that money for better purposes like my basic needs.

Instead of letting all the students buy their own extra materials for art lessons which results often in buying too much due to the packages the materials come in. One group of students could buy one color of a certain material and other groups could buy other colors. In this case the amount of materials would also be more precise and less a waste of money and materials. Another scenario is giving money to the teacher and let her buy the right materials in the right amounts. All not that difficult to come up with just common sense.

Another problem apart from the cutbacks in education and having to buy more school materials yourself then before, is that a lot of parents lost their jobs due to the crisis. So the teacher assumes that every student is always financially capable of buying these extra art materials. Half of the students show up with the materials the others bring nothing, because their parents simply don’t have the money. This art teacher thinks her subject is the most important one of all, but lets say I neither do have the money to buy all the books for my child. Then the child is fucked, the lessons take place with or without a book, you simply flank the subject. There are funds for the people with the lowest income ever, but if you as a parent lose your job after this funding has taken place, then you are left with nothing. So the system is spiting you.

Buying these extra materials is not always a necessary, but I do understand that the teacher wants to teach in an appealing way to the students. Till now it was Middle School I was talking about, already in elementary school the teachers became inventive and lazy after the first cutbacks from the government over the last years. My kids had always gymnastics as part of the school curriculum, all of a sudden the same teachers were no longer capable of teaching sports. So they hired a local physiotherapist to do the job, all students had to pay €10 for 10 lessons and they all had to go to the local stationers to buy a yoga mat for €20, 10 lessons for €30. So all of a sudden my child had only 10 gymnastic lessons over the whole school year period and I had to pay €30 because the teachers were too lazy to do it themselves. It turned out that the local physiotherapist was in need for a small extra job and he did a favor to the local stationers to let her sell the yoga mats. The same happend with music lessons, €10 for 10 lessons. So now I was paying €40 for extra lessons that the teachers could have done themselves, but they gave the job to someone who could use some extra money due to the crisis. All extremely noble, but is it in the best interest of all?

For me this wasn’t going to work out. I spoke to the teachers and parents and nobody saw what my problem was. It’s only €10 euros for 10 lessons, that is cheap they said. Indeed that’s cheap if I compare that with music lessons, sports or art lessons outside of school. I’m talking about money that I have to pay otherwise my child misses out on education. I tried it with the music lessons and asked the teacher where my son had to go when I didn’t pay. He would have gone out of the classroom with his own teacher and do some homework. So he was removed from the system as he wasn’t paying. I paid I didn’t want him to be separated from the group for an idealistic motive that didn’t solve the inequality that played out here.

The point is education how it presents itself now within the current capitalistic system with all the cutbacks the government makes, is like education that equals to education within a third world country. The buildings are old and sometimes even dangerous, the furniture is really old and most educational materials the parents have to buy themselves. By law you have to attend school, but what is the value? The teachers teach still like there is money, even school advise for the students about what to study in a later stadium and what profession to become, are based on the times where work/jobs were still available. So the system runs like always and doesn’t see that the equipement is old and is suffering severe and that it will collapse every moment now. Sounds familiar to me, aren’t we doing the same with our bodies throughout life and isn’t our society playing out the same movie here?

 

Skipping a blog and skipping a chat, but catching introspective 25/02/2011

I missed a blog and a chat last night, nevertheless I worked till deep in the night on my SRA homework. My SRA group is working on mind constructs at the moment and I had to write a lot of time lines to complete my mind construct. Mind constructs are helping you deconstruct the mind in a structural way so that after quite some practice you’re able to direct every situation. Through this directing you’re able to act and speak in self honesty within several situations and to take responsibility for yourself. By doing this you avoid unnecessary back chat and therefore less mess to clean up.

It was a lot of work, but I did enjoy every minute of it. The more I wrote down the more I’ve got this overview of what was happening and seeing what my part is within this mind construct about my father-in-law. In a way it’s peeling away layers and discovering your evil side and I saw it waving at me. This time I didn’t fear this evil of mine, I expected it to be there. Although the comfortable habit of blaming others for what I caused has dropped and I have still to adjust and really understand what it was that I’ve been up to till now. Once I understood that it is always my responsibility how things turn out in my life, I am less fearful for what I’ve been covering up and going to discover. When this mind construct is completely finished and I therefore will be able to take responsibility for all my actions within this mind construct, I will share the whole story.

While doing this construct I could already see how beneficial a mind construct will be on my relationship with my mother. The funniest part is that I saw this relationship as one of my most “normal” one’s. Looking now at it with my mind construct x-ray eyes I see that at a certain point I felt the need, after an experience where I thought I had to protect my mom, to take her by her hand. I started parenting my mom while she is more then capable of taking care of herself. Due to my overprotected mother-like behavior we’ve been in several situations together where I wondered why she was acting the way she did and why I had to jump in and take her by the hand. She probably only responded to my behavior. Last week she called me and said that she was sad about the fact that I didn’t call her, which I did but I only spoke to my dad. I reacted to her like she was a whining irritated child and later after reflecting on the situation it struck me, the fact that I was mothering my mother for no real reason at all. So this calls for a mind construct as well, to get to the bottom of it.

I see so clear now that I have been limiting myself in such a big way. I didn’t do things, out of fear, and I assumed a bad outcome even before making any attempt. I stopped a lot of interactions with others even before they took place or could have taken place. What an irony and limitation to not even begin something out of this psychic knowing that I would fail anyways. Things like: I will not address that problem, because they won’t understand it, I will not speak with him, because he doesn’t want to speak with me. If I’m like this then every human must equally be like me, we are all automated organic robots making the same loops over and over again. So lots of time we do not connect to each other, because we think we already know that it isn’t going to work with each other. Based on fake ideas we do no longer direct ourselves, but the ideas do. It’s just too ridiculous that we exist as such limited beings and call ourselves intelligent creatures that stand above the animal and plant kingdom. Hilarious and time to stop this way of living.

We should all be locked up for a few years and do mind constructs. When we pass we’re released in society again, when not, happy mind fucks. Those people will be locked up for ever, If you live within your mind you do not recuire much space, you’re already locked up inside yourself. I will not be locked up forever inside myself and will free myself from my back chat through writing it out and gaining more understanding for what I’ve been doing all my life. I fucked up so badly that fear has become such a master over me that I’m too scared to even see that. Time to stop and time to direct myself according to the rules of equality, what’s best for me is best for you and the rest of the world. So mind constructs it will be!

 

There is no way back 23/02/2011

Today I realised that there is no way back, because I do not allow and accept myself to participate within a return to the old. The old that obviously didn’t work, otherwise I wouldn’t have been looking for a better or different approach to what I call life.

Since I started studying the Desteni materials and since I started my ‘I’process I have experienced that I can change me. That I as a human can be changed by my own self willed directive actions. Stopping the mind, stopping thoughts, stopping memories, all by just simply not participating within them.

Today in the car while looking at the scenery outside, I was observed the world outside and within that the first thought came up about what I saw. I realised how useless the thought was and I could already see that participating within it would lead me nowhere than only following my inner world’s highway and interconnect to all kinds of different locations which would lead me again to nowhere. So I stopped, I didn’t allow and accept myself to participate within this thought about the scenery. A few minutes later while still watching the scenery outside the car I noticed there was another thought coming up, but still unknown to me. The best way to describe this is waves, the thoughts come like high tide, one wave after the other and only at its highest point it reveals its nature. The thought wasn’t yet on his highest point and I stopped it and it washed away. With this one wave the whole tide washed away and it was so cool. After that thought others tried to pop up, but I didn’t allow them either. So I did it, I stopped the thought before it revealed itself to me in full awareness.

Imagine knowing that I’m capable of stopping myself from participating within the mind, how small this attempt might be, it is the reason to never look back again and follow the straight disciplined path that is before me. I simply have to participate within my process and within this reality. The world is going crazy and I’ve let it come this far, just as every other human on this planet. I do have a voice in sound and in written words so I will use that and take back my own responsibility. When the world gets crazy which in essence means, we get crazy, because we are the reflection that our world exists of. We are the problem and within that also the solution. The only question I need to ask myself is why not use the key while I’m holding it?

There are people out there who do not see the point of releasing oneself from one’s patterns, fears, emotions, feelings and thoughts. Neither do they see the point of releasing it through publicly writing and they can not imagine that, how they see this writing as sitting behind one’s computer, would bring any change in this world. This kind of thinking can only be backed up when one doesn’t see oneself as the problem, the starting point of the current state our world is in. These are the same people who go to church and pray and hope for change while watching reality on tv instead of being real and changing themselves for real.

Our world goes crazy and the riots that take place are getting grimmer every time a new one starts. People are so called fighting for freedom, but instead they are fighting their own fears and hating the very guts of man. They think they are fighting together against the evil and do not see that they are fighting separately within self interest. This very point of self interest will in all ways obstruct the best interest of all and therefore these riots will never lead us to new, stable and sustainable solutions. These riots are as our very own thoughts and will lead us nowhere, only if we stop them, we can see in common sense that we need real collaboration within reality. As long as we keep our thoughts alive, we are living within a delusional make believe world that entails us that freedom without consequences and without taking responsibility is a real solution.

I will keep using my voice and build my house on a rock. No violence is necessary as long as you are able to see that you are a part of the problem and therefore a part of the solution. There is no way back, it’s either going forward in no matter what speed or looping in the same circles over and over again. I won’t go there anymore, I will lift my head and chin up and walk, alone or together. Either you join me or stay trapped within your surreality.

 

How original am I? 21/02/2011

Originality one of the main pillars of my identity and one of my biggest struggle in life so far. Originality has given me highs and lows and I let it determine my state of being.

According to the dictionary originality has 3 different meanings:

1. the quality or state of being original.

2. ability to think or express oneself in an independent and individual manner; creative ability.

3. freshness or novelty, as of an idea, method, or performance.

1. the quality or state of being original.

When I look at this state of being original and then take it back to my origin of Self as I know it now, then I can not find any originality. When I was still in the whomb of my mother I grew from a fertilized cell into a human being just like all humans do. Within this process I meanwhile downloaded the information of my mother and her entire family and of my father and his entire family. So my building blocks to start off with were those of others that had gone before me, nothing to be ashamed of and at the same time nothing to label myself as unique or original. Me, a random mix of human qualities and abilities, who wants to be special which is an impossibility in itself from the starting point of my origin as a human.

2. ability to think or express oneself in an independent and individual manner; creative ability.

As a child also my parents saw me as special and original and confirmed all the behavior I had in that direction. I developed self worth from this stimulation of my fresh ego and my identity started to be moulded by my surroundings through my allowance and acceptance. Being grateful and feeling wanted. Going into the world and already seeing myself separated from  all the others due to my state of being original and being different. Already at a young age I experienced the world as “them” and I was standing at the other side of the line. Growing up within a capitalistic society enhanced all that I had determined myself to be. The moment I had to chose my profession for life I choose to become a monumental artist this did feed so much into my feelings of specialness, uniqueness and  state of being original. I simply had to follow my creative ability and it gave me a short period of feeling high, till the low kicked in. I saw the fake world of the artist with its pseudo intellectuals in it, my stomach turned by the look of so much surrealism within my world that I pursued as real. I had a quick peak behind the veil of the delusional state the world is in, I changed studies, but didn’t change my quest for originality.

3. freshness or novelty, as of an idea, method, or performance.

My whole life I tried to approach everything from the point of view of freshness and novelty. I even believed that I started some trends, since I started something and saw other people around me do or wear the same after a while. How can the mind trick oneself. We are all draw from the unified conscious field, how original can one be. We download each others data through relationships and sex, how can one even tell what’s his or hers. We are humanity and we simply blend in to each other, after a life time nobody has any original ideas or performances left. Even this non-identity fades away over the years, look in the eyes of the elderly and proof lies there. So my quest for originality is useless and just betting on the wrong horse. There is so much that needs to be done in this world that I can not afford it to loose myself in delusions such as originality. I simply have to let go and I will.

The whole point of originality and me taking it so far that it is has even bothered me to such an extent that it keeps me from effective living, in the sense of living in the best interest of all through the equality equation, became more clear to me this week. I saw already for quite a while that people were quoting each other and I truly didn’t know why the fuck they were doing this. From my point of view this was a lack of originality and the fear to rise above the crowd. I knew that several countries/cultures see quoting as a valuable virtue. I’m raised and educated in the Netherlands and I never had to learn quotes from other “important” people in school. When writing our papers teachers didn’t like it when you quoted a lot, it had to be original or the message had to be written in your own words. People who quoted a lot were in my opinion people with low self esteem and not capable to reach…yes to reach what? To reach to full perfection of their selves, to become their true selves? I don’t know, I see that it is a lot of judging and blaming from my side.

So I noticed my reaction towards quoting, within a certain awareness, for the first time this week. The only way to find out why also Destonians quote each other, was simply to experience it myself. When listening to video’s I liked to summarize it in my own words, as I was taught. Quite a task while struggling with originality at the same time. So this time I listened to the video’s of Sunette and took that part where I could relate the most to the information she gave to me and I quoted it at Facebook. Wow such a great experience to re-listen to that point within the video and write it out. So now it’s clear to me, it’s all about being humble and not wanting to be more than the whole for no reason at all. Just inhale the information and breathe out so others can also enjoy it. This is information in the form of oxygen. Really cool.

I am original and unique at points that do not matter and do not make a difference to who I am and what I do. Being my true Self in self honesty in every breath and moment, here within the physical is as far as my originality goes. Re-programming myself into a worthy human being, but all of this without the starting point of specialness. Just being and collaborating in the whole is enough to bring about change so nobody has to struggle and fight for his unique identity anymore.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel the need to be original and even to be the most original.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see originality as part of my personality, instead of seeing that personality isn’t real, stable and of the physical.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear to lose my personality when I’m no longer original.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear to lose myself when no longer original.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see quoting as an expression of weakness and low self esteem.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to belief that one cannot reach and become their true selves while quoting.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience myself as special while being original

 

Why do we want to miss out on reality? 20/02/2011

While taking the steep path up on the mountain this afternoon and looking out over the village that’s kind of hidden within the valley, I witnessed the first wild forest flowers produced by nature. Most of these flowers are green or yellowish green and a really careful attempt of nature to show us that after the cold winter, that we’re still in, there will be Spring and life will burst open in full expression. It’s my anchor in life, the four seasons, some I love and some I don’t want to face. It’s all about the weather, the weather is my starting point for  favoring a specific season or not. The weather is also a quite realistic force within our life, we can die from heat and dehydration or either freeze to death without a roof above our head.

The weather is probably one of the most discussed topics in life. Some people have made their profession out of it and all the other people have opinions about it. It comes down to one point, they are all guessing. Our weather men and women are interpreting calculated models by computers, other people use the tradition of the condition of a half sliced onion lying in the window and most people dig in their memory and compare weather conditions throughout their life to this years weather.

Memories are subjective and based on your emotions and feelings of that moment when you experienced this specific weather condition. Comparing those memories with your presence isn’t very reliable. Back in the 1980, while being a kid in the Netherlands, we had a lot of snow one year. My dad wasn’t able to leave home to go to work by car. According to my memory it must have been at least a meter snow, but was it really? That’s a lot of snow for the Netherlands and I was not yet really that tall as a kid, so from my perspective within my memory, lets say 30 to 40 centimeter of snow could have been experienced by me as a meter snow. That same winter we had quite some ice freezing on the streets and I went to school on my ice skates. The question is, was my whole village covered in ice or only a few cold places, I really don’t know.

The point is, while we do all the weather comparing whether it’s the computer models or the memories, we miss out on real life. We are so consumed with what was or could be that we actually miss all the clues and signs of what for instance nature is giving us. Just like the first forest flowers or a certain wind that starts blowing, the physical is full proof  of what is here. You see, life isn’t that complicated I found out, if we only were willing to see this. It’s us that make life complicated, due to the fact that we do not want to face ourselves. We build a whole circus around fears that we don’t want to face and lose track of the simplicity of what it really is that we have to face.

We are real masters in covering up to not face ourselves, but covering up means it’s still here and we just do not see it right now. Then when it blows up in our face we try to deny it at first, we’ve got great tools for that called: justifications, excuses, blaming and opinions. If that’s still not going to do the trick we can always become the victim of it all, and use the tools again to bring others or circumstances in a negative light and make us the positive winner. Then we can be happy, we did our best and created the outcome we desired. Still we didn’t face ourselves and we create a monster inside ourselves. Our own physical body will turn against us with this monster inside, because the physical is full prove of what is here. We become sick and sicker, still not facing ourselves and asking why we have to be sick and why not another. Till the moment that our doctor says we haven’t got long to live anymore and society will abandon us. The few people who dare to face us will visit us and talk about the weather just to not face themselves and not to face you the equivalent of their own fear: dead.

If you want to face yourself go to: http://www.desteniiprocess.com