This blog is removed due to the misuse of Desteni-haters, for the ones that would like to read this blog it’s available on the Desteni-site. On the Desteni forums haters are not allowed, we stand for what’s best for all and abusing personal information does not fit our principle.
The double face of the Italian “mama” 28/05/2011
While chatting with my daughter A. in the garden, I shared a story with her about our next door girl. I watched an abusive event a couple of days ago. The window of my studio overlooks the garden and the front door of my neighbors. This event is a story out of many that I witnessed during my stay in Italy over the last 5 years. The vicious face of “la mama” within families and parenting in general within traditional Italian society. Maybe one has to be an out stander of Italian tradition and upbringing to see and point out when discipline and parental love are nothing more than abuse.
I looked up while working in my studio, when I heard the click of the front door of my neighbor’s house. My neighbor left the house, seemingly hasty, with a letter and car keys in her hands. While this tall skinny lady swirled like a light feather down her stairs, the front door closed with a bang. She turned around and fire was coming from her eyes. She went up the stairs again, however this time she climbed it in a rude and male way. With one turn of the key she opened the front door on a crack and screamed through the crack at her daughter. The 11 year old daughter and only child, was alone in the house.The mom, my neighbor, yelled at her child that she wasn’t allowed to slam the door. The rest of the screaming I wasn’t able to decode, but it was certainly not a nice chat between mother and daughter. My neighbor closed softly the front door again and left the house on her way to her car. Through the small, but tall window next to the front door, I saw the little girl standing with her head down and arms hanging beside her body, attached to the glass for several minutes. Eventually she moved herself back into the living room. These rage attacks of her mom are common and sometimes more than one at a day. To me this is abuse, for Italians in general this is normal life. The “mama” is the boss within the house and rules with a firm hand, no one is allowed to argue with that.
I asked A. for her perspective on this event and she confirmed that this is indeed “normal” behaviour for our neighbor. Where my other neighbor, a lady from Albania, goes into possessive anger, the anger of the Italian “mama” has always been in this vicious way. So in fact nothing new, although within the light of our current world, possession is only 1 step further. 1 Back chat too much and Italian “mama’s” are feed for journalists and tv-shows. Even murder is only 1 back chat away. Abusing your child and emotionally scarfing them for life is unacceptable. What living example are you as a mother when you rule with the tool of fear? How can we expect these girls to be different from their mothers when their only experience is one of being hit and yelled at? When is Italy going to step out of their traditions that clearly do more harm than good?
Then A. told me about last Sunday when she went rock climbing with 2 girls and their dad. She had not yet spoken about it. When I asked how the climbing had been she only told me about her climbing results. The dad of the girls had been quite abusive in his language towards the daughters. He presumed them as lazy and bad climbers, while they’re absolutely not. Climbing is this dad’s passion and how such things go within families, the children are exposed to it and join in. These girls are teenagers and it wouldn’t be a surprise if they rather stay in bed than hanging from a cliff at 8:30 on Sunday morning. The attitude of this man towards his daughters had left such an impression on A. that she had tears in her eyes while speaking about it. How can a dad be so mean, she asked. Frustration I said, this dad wants his kids to be even better than than he is. It’s only an idea, a picture in his mind and when reality does not meet with his fantasy he gets pissed. And being pissed at his kids as an Italian dad seems to us like abuse. I even dare to say that it is abuse, because the equality equation cannot be made within most of these kind of incidents.
When you look at the reactions of Italian kids you know that it is abuse. I once saw pure fear in the eyes of a girlfriend of A. She and A. had been playing outside in the rain and were completely wet. To me no problem, change clothes and the issue is solved. This girl however feared the hands of her mother so much that she went into a total panic attack. She could reassure us that she was going to be hit by her mom for being wet and even a little bit dirty. At first we couldn’t believe her, but it didn’t take long for us to find out that it was exactly as the girl had told us.
Recently I read some stories written by an Italian lady where she tells how her mother would hit her in the face. At home or in front of people and only to release her frustrations. She pointed it out as typical Italian behaviour, for a mom it’s her right to do so. Maybe this behaviour occurs also in other Southern European countries or Latin countries that have a matriarch system. I have no idea, my experience is within the Italian culture and that’s my only starting point for sharing these stories.
For me this point of aggressive verbal and physical abuse is quite a difficult point to cope with. I simply cannot allow or accept any form of abuse, though when this point is discussed the players of the game do not understand what I’m talking about. That’s how it is and that’s how we do it, they say. It’s the always the same and repeating answer on my question. Abusive behaviour by parents isn’t exclusively for Italians, but Italian culture allows abuse to be in their midst. Humanity will not be killed by mysterious elite groups, humanity will distinct by their own doing if they do not change. Denying abuse for what it is, is denying our own dark side, which doesn’t make it go away. Abuse is abuse and therefore unacceptable.
The disciples of Jehovah gave me a headache 20/01/2011
This afternoon I had all of a sudden this severe headache coming up. It was a pain that was moving through the front of my head and face. I wanted to do my Italian homework, but I wasn’t capable of doing so. Reading aggravated my headache so I stopped and started baking cookies and little apple breads for the kids to take to school. The headache faded some what away, but kept coming back. I decided to investigate tonight while writing my blog what my body is communicating with me. This in itself is a point of progress, a few years ago I would have brushed it of with the simple fact that a lot of people have headaches over the last week.
My day started of as an ordinary day. I began cleaning my house as usual on Wednesday. Half way the morning 2 clients came over, who were supposed to come over last week. My 2 Jehovah Witness clients who do not visit as frequently at my house as before, when they found out that I was hard to convert into their belief. I had never intentions in that direction, but they had faith. They became more compelling every time we met, at a sudden point they bought me even a Dutch bible. I gave them 1 finger for the simple reason that also I had a message to share. At first I only said those things that were not too confronting and obvious common sense for most people. For me this communication was enough and satisfying, but they kept asking about my perspective on life and there my ego took the bate.
For quite some time they hadn’t been around and I saw that as a confirmation of my idea that I only was an object of interest when they felt I could be converted. Today they asked me to make a dress for one of them, I shall call her R. All went well and they didn’t speak about their faith. Then when I walked them to the front door R. asked me if I still was using the bible she “gave” me. I said no, please take it with you. This was a point of manipulation of her and I didn’t see that clear. This opened up an opportunity for them to speak about their faith.
The other lady F. reminded me of something I had said weeks ago to one of their colleague’s who came along with R. Jehovah’s are really good in taking things out of context and that’s what she did. She blamed me for telling this lady that she is an selfish person for loving her son. In reality I had said within a long conversation that giving love to her son which made her happy and giving her a reason to exist was an act of egoism, as an addiction to energy. At that point I let myself be sucked into their abusive behaviour by reacting on F. her accusation, I was frustrated by the fact that they weren’t able to see how they were abusing their selves and the people around them.
We ended up in a conversation in which F. showed her true face and did a lot of projecting. When she saw that I didn’t react with emotions and feelings to her she got really mad and evil. She tried intentionally to hurt me with her specific words. Accusing me of being cold for not being able to give love the way she did and trying to scare me with the fact that the village saw me as a lunatic. I turned her accusations into questions and asked those to her which made her loose herself completely. At that point I couldn’t care less, I was devastated about the demon face she showed me although it didn’t give me any feelings nor emotions at that time.
When they left I recorded myself and told the story of what just happend, I wanted to share this story before my mind was going to turn it over and over. Tomorrow I will make a video out of it.
So tonight I muscle communicated if the headache had something to do with this event and I tested for yes. The headache is showing me the frustrations I hold onto when I explain words like love to these ladies and they are simply not listening. All examples and questions which show them in common sense that their love is love in reverse its evil. I was already done with these ladies, but just a little bit of ego took me back to this point of frustration where I already had been. I was time looping and I need to stop it right here and right now.
I also tested out with muscle communication that I have this belief or idea that I see their life’s as boring for the limitations they keep themselves in and I’m really grateful for my own life as in being in process. Not out of the point of feeling more, but out of the point to see that one can do something about life, one can stand up and one can free oneself from all those limitations that cause a tremendous amount of fears. Life is here in the physical and waiting for some God to rescue you is pathetic and making your life useless. I still have a long way to go, but I’m already grateful for this part.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience a headache and not understanding what my body was communicating to me.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe the idea that the Jehovah’s were not coming around when they couldn’t convert me.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to let another manipulate me.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that Jehova’s are really good in taking things out of context.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react onto F. her accusations.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to let myself be sucked into their abusive behaviour.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel frustrated about the fact that these Jehovah’s do not see that infact they are abusing instead of loving.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not care if F. was completely loosing it, instead of searching for a way that’s best for all.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel no emotions and feelings in that moment, but later while processing the event I did.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to let my ego lead me back into this point of frustration and made me time loop.
The abuse of flowers 08/12/2010
I saw the video of Lindsay about the story of roses grown in Kenya, than I saw the spring/summer flower photographes of Sunette and heard Kelley speak in her video about what we experience as beautiful and she used flowers as an example. I allowed myself to go back into my memory to see what my perspective on flowers is according to my experiences through the years.
As a child I took flowers for what they were, just flowers, I enjoyed them when I played outside. I used them within my games, I picked them to make flower crowns or me and my friends played mothers who were washing and cooking the vegetables. I picked dandelions for my rabbit. My mom bought now and then flowers to put in a vase inside our home, but we had more green plants growing inside the house.
I Also, when I was living on my own, bought myself now and than some flowers. It wasn’t my passion or an urge to have fresh flowers in my house. At a certain point when I was quite deep involved within spiritualism I refused to buy flowers or to accept them from others. Whenever I looked at flowers in a vase I only saw death. Flowers who were decapitated for me to put in a vase on display, to see throughout the days how they lost their life essence to finally surrender to death. The water from the vase smelling like rotting death.
I spoke about my experience with flowers to a teacher of a Montessori School. She didn’t had any problems with putting flowers on a vase. She explained to me how she always asked the trees and plants if she could take/cut them. She pulled onto the branch or the stem to ask permission. I really didn’t understand this story of communication she had with plans and trees. Even now I do not see the common sense of it. To me this was some sort of a mind game she participated within to feel reassured before damaging nature for idle reasons.
Than we wanted to sell our house in Holland to immigrate to Italy. I read about flowers in the house, that it would make people comfortable and relaxed. With the prospect of selling our house I yielded and bought flowers to decorate my house. Here I can see that I was easily able to give into money. The better we sold our house the more money we had, to buy a nicer new house in Italy. Bribing people with the smell of fresh baked bread and fresh flowers to buy our house at the best price possible. And yes the opposite was our reality…
Since than I never bought flowers again to put in my house into a vase. It’s really useless and unnecessary, we humans do damage already so much of nature that we have to stop this ignorance and believe that it’s okay. It’s okay because we see it on tv, publicity and flower shops look really attractive to catch our attention. When we visit people we bring flowers, when we visit the graves of our family we bring flowers, when men want to impress the other gender they bring flowers. Giving flowers is a sign of kindness and showing ones affection. In reality we have to ask ourselves if that’s really what’s going on. In my perspective the almost dead flowers function as a smoke curtain and are a sign of death and distraction of what’s really going on.
When we visit friends we want them to like us and to invite us again in the future. We eat and drink from their money, we’re like an invited parasite. They invited us for the same reasons we went over to them, to be liked and invited back so they know somebody likes them. Measuring our popularity/self worth according to the amount of friends we have.
When we visit the grave of lets say our dead parents, we still want their approval and be their good girl/boy. Just hiding from ourself, from the fact that we’re not able to trust ourself to value ourself. We still need that from an outside source, dead parents who do not see or experience us anymore and a grave a place where only death rules. Bodies who returned to soil again. Who are we fooling here?
When men give flowers to women they want sex, when they give flowers after a fight they obviously want sex. And we women when accepting the flowers do silently agree with the proposal of sex.
Giving flowers is a symbol of our kindness, a symbol of being so kind to not say what our hidden agenda contains. We’re programmed to always gain/want something when in communication with others solely out of self interest. Small things or big things it’s all the same, it’s being dis-honest to oneself and therefore to all.
I do not bring dead flowers when I visit people, I want them to take me as I am. If that means I will not be invited anymore than I do not feel unworthy. I do not visit graves, because I cannot see the purpose of it. I never had sex for flowers and I do not give flowers to show my kindness, everybody is equal so nobody is that special that I need to show them how kind I am. I do as everybody communicate to gain certain things from others, though I always apply the 1+1 equation. What benefits me, must benefit all.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to yield for money and not standing for what’s best for all.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to let flowers perish in my own home to believe I was spreading pleasantness.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that hoping for more money can be expressed by bribing people with flowers and fresh bread, without consequences.