Hair 02/10/2011

Approximately 1,5 year ago I shaved my head to stand for world equality and to give my visible vote for an Equal Money System. I faced quite some fears and it took me almost 3 months to get ready and shave. Within those three months I looked at the fears I had and did Self-Forgiveness on them, but only within my physical reality I could face my own effectiveness within my application of SF and had to correct myself further within the physical. Since I’m living as a foreigner in a small Catholic village in central Italy my villagers were not really enthusiastic to say the least when I shaved my head. A woman here in rural Italy is one with long dark hair, high heels, cleavage and most preferred a short skirt. Not that I fitted in this description before I shaved my head, but at least I had hair and they could still refer to me as a woman. The day I shaved the speculations started and I wouldn’t be surprised if some people made some sort of a bet on it. I had just gone through an event of bullying at school with my daughter A. which was in essence rasism and people started to ask if I had too much grief about this event that I shaved my head. A nice one and really dramatic, I hadn’t thought of that one as a reason for shaving ones head. Then the rumour started that I was suffering from cancer and was refusing to wear a wig. Though the final conclusion was that I had lost it for most of the population and the few that really went in conversation with me admired me, but couldn’t see any salvation of our current world within the words I spoke. Lots and lots of people got neck pains, a national Italian disease, due to looking after me when I was passing by. The people that I could look in the face had always a look of intense disgust. I made flyers to explain myself, but basically I was stuck in a polarity between admiration and disgust of my villagers and I decided not to go along with that and therefore kept my head neatly shaved for 1,5 year.

A bald head was the first way of approaching my head and me in a way that it didn’t cause friction within me.The moment I shaved of my hair and I looked in the mirror I saw ME as I understand ME within my current process. No hair anymore gave me the opportunity to look beyond my personalities, who were still there, but couldn’t be connected to my hair anymore. With the hair also my clothes changed into more comfortable clothes. I even went for a walk today with a combination of a flower skirt and a flower t-shirt that totally didn’t match in colour and pattern. There were times that I would have bothered about such a thing and would feel insecure. For a moment I hesitated if it was the “right” thing to do. I concluded that it was bullshit to not go for a walk around the block in 2 garments that are really comfortable to wear and tested it out in my reality. I’m still alive and after the first meters I forgot all about my non stylish outfit. So the shaving is a statement , but it also helped me through a lot of issues within my physical reality. Therefore I had no intensions to let it grow again.

Till the moment that my sewing business was not really running well. My neighbor from across the street, who does the same work as I, said after I asked her how business was going, it’s a bad period for us all. Though here in Italy nobody is very direct in his/hers answers so it could mean that she had still enough work and didn’t want to hurt me and came up with this answer or she really had less clients. I saw how people were avoiding me in the village and the clients I still have do really not care about me having hair or no hair. So I decided to investigate this point within my physical reality and let my hair grow till a point that I felt comfortable with.

The first day that I went to my grocery shop with an almost crew cut, the lady of the shop suddenly started talking to me and making friendly faces. I  was surprised, I always perceived this lady as a grumpy woman that hardly looked me in the eyes. Then a friend of mine asked in this special way if she was right about me letting my hair grow, as if she asked me if I was pregnant, the same tonality was in her voice. It was as if suddenly I was again part of the zombies, my hair made me again part of the club of zombies. I knew that we humanity are hypocrites, but this was a firm confirmation.

I let my hair grow till it was about 1,5 centimeter long. I noticed that on top of my head the hair was growing in the air like little antennes and the hair on my sides and on my occiput was growing flat against my head. This gave my head this oval shape. I suddenly didn’t see ME anymore and a not deliberately hairstyle developed. I saw resistance within me and points that I hadn’t taken on yet about me having hair and being defined by my hair style. I no longer could rinse my hair without being grassy and  also resisted using shampoo again. So I had to make a plan about what I wanted to do with my hair and head. I decided to let it grow just a few millimeter which gives this idea of hair on my head, but it’s easy to manage without soap and makes people more at ease while being in my presence. It’s a decision I made in the moment and will be valid as long as I can be self-honest within it.

Perceiving myself as a person with hair again, I walked with my daughter A. in one of the nearby towns, wearing a skirt and t-shirt with cleavage. To me I was, without desiring it, dressed in an Italian adapted way. Till the moment that A. said to me, come on mom cross the street I’m already at the shop what is taking you so long? What took me so long was this retired man that started to walk towards me, over a distance of 500 meter, like a magnet. He was staring at me and couldn’t get his face in another direction and I had to step backwards to not been over-walked. I heard him mumble, a lady without hair? So I  hurried across the street and while I looked behind me to see how the man was doing, I saw that he almost did a 180 degrees owl turn to look after me. I was astonished, he said a lady without hair, so I was still considered as having no hair? We found out that we had gone to the wrong shop and had to cross the square where the retired man with his pels was hanging around in front of the medieval town hall. I heard them gossip and almost gasping for air while seeing a lady with hair that didn’t count as having hair.  It was all very entertaining to me and A. as these men revealed in one breath a long and rich tradition of how women should be.

I’m still one vote for an Equal Money System and world equality, nothing changed except I’m more with 2 feet on the ground again and traded guessing about how people would perceive me, with research within my physical reality. As my life and my process will develop so will my view on hair develop. For now the best approach, and still be able to reach out to most people, is to have a crew cut. And not to place myself outside the society I live in, due to inflexible opinions. I’m not going to fight the system, I’m going to work with the system and use the system to bring change. A change that we all know is necessary, but we’re too afraid that change never will happen. Investigate your reality and test your opinions and believes, you might be surprised about what you find.

Once upon a time 19/02/2011

Once upon a time there was a little princess. This little princess lived in a land where her father ruled, he ruled because he was the King. This land wasn’t always as big as it is today, when the father of the King and his father and his father ruled over the land they took other countries and simply added those to their own land. Now after they had been stealing the land of other countries the King has mountains, forests, lakes, a sea and all the raw materials that he need to be the richest King in the world. So the King, the father of the little princess, doesn’t have that much time to spend with the princess he has to be important all day long when he is ruling his land.

The Queen, the mother of the little princess, doesn’t have much time for the little princess either, she to is important. She has to drink tea with less important ladies so they will keep doing what the Queen wants them to do. The Queen needs also a lot of time to relax and be sure that she will keep her beauty . If she looses her beauty the KIng will look for another Queen and will leave her in poverty. So it takes a lot of time for the Queen to keep in shape and on her throne.

The little princess has always had many nannies in her life and she doesn’t know what a life with a normal mother and father would be like. Her nannies come and go, because when the King doesn’t like one, he removes them immediately. This time she has a new nanny and this one is different from all the others. The little princess sees her as if she is a fairy. When the little princess isn’t happy with a new law, her father the King made, this nanny doesn’t punish her so that she will look good in the eyes of the King. No, this nanny asks her what it is that makes her unhappy within the new law. She tells  the little princess that it isn’t enough to just be angry on her father for doing these things. The little princess has to look inside herself why she is angry and on who she is angry so the little princess can do something about it. Her nanny told her that when she is really honest with herself she will find all the answers. You see the little princess wants, the people of the land of her father’s Kingdom, to be happy and without fear for the King, because that’s also what she wants for herself. The little princess doesn’t understand why she can have happiness and all the people in the land can’t.

The King had already noticed that the little princess has this kind of stubbornness and that’s she wants to be good for the people. The King knows for sure that this is a genetical in-heritage of the Queen, this stubbornness. But what can he do, he made the mistake already by marrying the Queen in the first place and then have a child with her without checking her genetics. So this issue is consuming the King, but he decided that he can change this nasty characteristic of his only child. Therefore he has spent a lot of money on nannies, private teachers and psychologists and according to the King his little princess will be ready to rule his land when time comes.

In the meanwhile the little princess has developed a typical behavior whenever she is around the King, to not alarm him and send her away to never come back again. As long as she pretends to be his little princess, she will be the reflection of the picture the King has in his mind of her. That’s the safest way to survive and once she is able to rule the land she will make things different.

One of those days when she was eavesdropping at the King’s meeting room door, she accidentally overheard them talking about raising the taxes on wheat and corn. Easing some laws, so his own Kingly Corporation was allowed to pollute without consequences. Then she heard her father say that he was thinking about making a law so that he would always be inviolable. This wasn’t the first time she heard her father talk about laws and rules that only benefits him and indirectly her. It made her angry and she wanted to plunge into the room and tell him the truth. Of course she didn’t, she and her nanny had been working on a whole new system for the land. Very soon she was going incognito, into the city nearby the castle and speak to normal people, about the situation and see if the people are already ready for her new plans and changes.

It was only a month before the little princess was going to turn 18 and legally spoken she was able to claim on the throne. Her father the King wasn’t yet ready to give up his power so it looked like she had still to wait many many more years. At this point in her life she was much more calm and she had more trust within herself, she knew that when the day would come she would be more then ready. In the meanwhile the King had sent a notice out that every young prins in the world was allowed to come to his land and take the test to be the chosen one to marry his daughter. He wanted a son-in-law that understood the rules of profit, that understood that the people of the Kings land were only there to work and make profit for the kingdom and the new prins wasn’t allowed to feel sorry for the people like his daughter had done when she was still very young. Of course a DNA check and a fingerprint was the normal procedure. The little princess felt like running away, because she didn’t want to spent her life with such a man. As a matter a fact there wasn’t at all room for a man in her life to be romantic and silly with.

While her mother the Queen was struggling for her life in hospital after the 45th plastic surgery. A superbug had found it’s way into the hospital and into the body of the Queen, all the doctors were desperate. The anti-biotics didn’t work, the vaccines didn’t help and all kinds of pills made the Queen only more sick than she already was. The little princess was day and night with her mother and saw that this was the end of the life of the Queen and Big Pharma had messed up big time. She didn’t want her mother the Queen to die even though she didn’t really knew her, the little princess knew that a lot of people in her land and in the world had been the victim of this scam. That night her mother died and she promised herself to reform health care once she was in power.

Unexpectedly the King wasn’t mourning in a normal way after the Queen had passed away, it was as if he was completely possessed by it. Within one night all his hair turned grey and there was only one word that came out of his mouth, the name of the Queen. Within a week he died of a heart attack and suddenly the little princess, now 18, was a orphan.  She immediately stopped the search for a prince and announced reforming to the people. She promised the people that within the coming years drastic changes were to be taken and that they had to trust themselves to be strong and change their land into heaven on earth. All laws, of her father the King, that were made out of self interest and not in the best interest of all were immediately abolished.

Within the coming years the little princess established together with her nanny and a board of people from throughout the land a new economical system, The Equal Money System. They used all structures within society that were still good and introduced a basic income for every inhabitant from birth to death. They installed a labour system and every person had to commit 4 years of their life’s to work in the greater interest of the land and to keep the system running. Making profit and acting out of greed or self interest were now enough to take you out of the system and be placed into a reforming program to be reprogrammed to learn to work together in the best interest of all. The people of the land were grateful for having access to free education, healthcare, transportation and everybody was able to buy food, clothes and had a roof above their heads. Taking your own responsibility became normal and the little princess her castle was now a home for the elderly people, daycare for toddlers and an institute to come together for those who study their ‘I’process.

And they all lived happily after ever…

For real information how to be one vote for world equality and an Equal Money System go to http://equalmoney.org

Where do I stand within modern society and its vast information? 30/01/2011

We are living in times where data about almost anything you can think of is free to access. Traditions, books, tv, radio, the internet, it all gives us information on various topics. The internet will account for a large portion of the information we seek. Google, You Tube, social networks as Facebook and twitter, it’s huge. The supply of information is vast and I have to search in common sense through the controlled data Google is providing me. In order to see what’s valid I have to apply the information and walk it myself. Till so far it’s doable and I can take my own stance within it. In other words, my micro world is covered. Thus on a micro level I can work things out and I’m grateful for the information provided.

Also on a macro level I take information in, although I’m living within my family and friends networks I’m also part of a country and that country is part of the entire world. Only to, for instance understand why my groceries are getting more expensive every month, I need to form a total picture of my world. In order to indicate my micro world within a macro level I need information from others. This information is more difficult to apply since I depend in this case on information given by governments, corporations and media. I can not test for myself if oil is indeed more expensive or wether there is speculation in the game. Therefore this vast information is making the foundations of my stance to shake. Do I believe all that’s been said by the main stream media, do I go along with conspiracy theories or do I let fear through this vast amount of information get a hold on me? Is the USA in Iraq to bring democracy? Are Dutch policemen going to Afghan to learn the military there how to search a person? Are deseases used to financially exploit us? Are investors speculating with our food commodities? Is China going to be the next world power or is Israel aiming for it? Are the riots in the Middle East a big deception?

I came across a video on the internet of Sheikh Imran Hosein which has been recorded in 2003, he predicts already back then what is happening in the Middle East right now. He warns for the deceptive game that is played by Israel. He states that the agitation in the Middle East is specific engineered by Israel. The Arab news site Al Jazeera is according to Hosein installed by the Jews to evoke more agitation and rage within the Arab world. Till the point is reached that Israel has to so called defend herself and performs a pre-emptive-strike, a blitzkrieg with “state of the art” technology. All to gain power and rule exclusively over the region. It doesn’t sound all too ridiculous what Hosein predicts and Al Jazeera does bring quite unilaterally information. I disapprove with the way most people have to live in the Middle East while their leaders live like Gods, though when I look at the riots in Egypt I only see young activists. Where are the people who aren’t allowing and accepting this poverty anymore or am I searching for sensation here? The whole event is about power that’s cristal clear, but is it the Arab potentates that seek for ultimate power, or is it the USA who wants to keep his ally Egypt and therefore power over this region full of oil, or is it Israel who want exclusive power over the region. You tell me, because I’m lost within this vast amount of information and at the same time lost within my macro world. On a micro level I could cope on a macro level it’s another game and probably the reason why people get totally apathetic of their outside world. Where am I within all this information? It is too much information and not giving us a clue of what we’re dealing with, but we need to care. We must understand that we need each other, together we are our macro world.

Too much non testable information is making us apathetic and escaping into our minds. OMG in our minds we find even a worst world, our inner world which is fueled by dishonesty and spiteful thoughts. Emotions and feelings which are interconnecting us in all kinds of information which makes us end up even more disillusioned. I better stick to my physical reality and strip it from all energy driven emotions and feelings which are not really adding anything to my menu of information about this mysterious macro world. I need to ask myself the simple question if all this information about for instance Hosein his theory is valid or not and if it’s adding something to my reality. I know already that men is deceptive, wants power and sticks his greedy fingers without any regret in others their basic needs. If Israel is going for this power trip, am I at this very moment able to avoid that? I don’t think so. So does all this information keeps me sharp and is it helping me with making decisions? I don’t think so. I need to regain my stance and take a stand for life and by no means ever again allow and accept abuse within my world and no longer take less then world equality. Only what’s best for all gets approved by me. I will clear my inner world to be ready in time for my outer world. Information is great, but I will no longer BE this vast information. I will trust myself and use information within a clear starting point of what is best for all and no energy will lead me anymore. I’m ready to change the world within the borders of my micro and macro worlds without violence and a plan to stick to. This plan is the Equal Money System and many are doing so with me. Join us and make the real difference.

Where dead birds drop on your head… 09/01/2011

Today after many times skipping my walk around the block I walked again. The weather has been awful, but that’s a lame excuse. I know that every time after not walking for a while I sort of regret it. Which is in fact a stupid or ineffective way to live my life, to not act then later regret it and not seeing or understanding the point why I didn’t act in the first place. I would say a very difficult way to handle myself.

So we walked, there was this soft warm breeze and a nice 12 degrees Celsius. I felt the wind touching the skin of my face and I felt here within reality. Every step I did was a connection with the earth, every breath and every step. Yes this is what life feels like even if life is a fuckin horrendous creation of our minds. Real reality is something I prefere nowadays over my mind reality. Maybe I can be and do anything within my mind and believe that it is without consequences, being here in every breath is making it possible to change and see/experience the real difference these changes bring.

A short while ago I thought that I had shingles again, fear took me in it’s grip. This time I saw the nasty fucker coming, it sneaked out of my solar plexus to get his hand on my throat. I stopped and decide not to play along with this fear. So I choose reality over mind, then I forgave myself for participating within this fear. I had started lubricating the spot on my cheek with anti-viral cream and did so for 2 days. It never came to anything, it faded away and I witnessed me standing up for myself within not participating in this fear and standing up in the best interest of all. Just not participating in the pre-programming and the unified field is acting in the best interest of all. It takes only 1 moment to change and it takes many moments to change our world, but we have this power and self-trust to be more than robots to be the improved version of ourselves.

Who isn’t seeing that our world is in serious problems is simply doomed, who does see the atrocities and compounding events needs to stand up and no longer hide in fear. Fear has never liberated anybody so far in history so what would make you the first? Wouldn’t it be nice to walk without fear and feel the wind touching your skin and to be proud on the world you walk in? Or would you prefer a world where dead birds drop on your head, where viruses are ruling and everybody is acting from ego grabbing around them in greed and self-interest? To me this isn’t even a choice it’s crystal clear that I want to leave a world behind that is capable of giving all life a dignified life. Be 1 vote for world equality together with me and show the strength that’s within you, roll up your sleeves and build a better world!

I was pissed 06/11/2010

Yesterday evening the phone rang and a friend of my partner P. called.  From what I heard, the conversation was about hiking. When P. hang up he didn’t say anything and went on doing his things. Normally he tells what it is all about. When we went to bed I asked him if he was going to hike the next day. He wasn’t sure yet, he said.

This morning P. brought the kids to school and did the last groceries for the weekend. When he came back he started preparing his back pack, which he normally takes with him when he goes hiking. So I asked if he had made up his mind and if he was going to hike. He wasn’t yet sure he told me. I felt energy going around inside my body and I started to be aware of the fact that the energy was already accumulating since last night.

I was working behind my sewing machines for the wife of this friend of P. and he told me that this friend T. and his wife J. wanted to go hiking together with a Dutch friend of them who is staying with them. So you’re going then, I asked. Yes I’m going said P. I said to him:” I just want to know if I have to collect the kids from school and cook lunch at the same time or if you collect the kids”. I’m back in time P. said to get the kids. I wasn’t satisfied with the answer. I laid a blueprint of other memories on top of this event, where P. wasn’t back in time to collect the kids and when I had to drive to school at the last minute. I was getting worked up and making everything into something difficult. The underlining issue here was the fact that I was pissed they hadn’t asked me to join them hiking. I had to stay home and do the sewing and the cooking. I laid more memory blueprints on top of this event. I said to P. with a nice voice that I was surprised that T. and J. hadn’t asked me to join them. P. said: “normally you don’t want to come along with me and they always hear me talking about hiking”. Again I wasn’t satisfied. I do not have a really positive view on T. and J., they are together with P.working in a foundation at a voluntary basis and they claim P. for almost everything. They call him throughout the day and evening and I haven’t been feeling good about this. When I come to think of it, it’s like rivalry. When they claim P. I can’t claim P. Do I see here relationship energy, Sylvia?

So I was staying home feeling sorry for myself and did my sewing. Than around 11:30 my daughter A. called from school, she had a terrible headache and was feeling sick. She wanted me to pick her up earlier from school. So I went to the neighbouring city to collect A. While at the school, I asked if my son J. was also allowed to go home 1 hour earlier, because I had to come all the way from outside the city. I took both kids home, A. went straight to bed and I started cooking lunch. I was struggling with the thought if I should call P. to tell him that the kids are already home. If I call than he’s going to take it really easy and won’t be home for lunch so if I won’t tell him than he will be home for lunch for sure. Than it popped into my mind that it could be P. not even would bother to come inside the house before driving to school and pick up the kids. I felt like I wanted to punish him for maybe not coming home in time, but at the same time I saw how that could play out. P. going to school for nothing, spending petrol on a useless trip while our budget is tight. So I grab the phone and called him, but his phone was in an area with no signal. Again I was mad at him, instead of taking responsibility for myself. Just a second before P. had to collect the kids he called me back and I was glad I could tell him that the kids were already home. Really exhausting when I’m participating within these energy games, emotions and feelings.

When P. and I were doing our daily walk around the block, he told me how T. had asked him if I was still keeping my head bald or if I had a change of heart and let my hair grow back again. P. had said: “yes, she’s keeping her head bald”. P. had explained to him that I was standing for world equality and that’s not something one stands for and than a week later forget about it. T. is more a man of the middle road and he didn’t really understand why I should leave my head bald. I also remembered that T. isn’t really comfortable while being around me and my bald head, so that could have been a reason why they didn’t asked me to join them hiking.

The whole day I was keeping myself into this state of self pithiness. When P. threw a peace of young just chopped wood on the stove, before he went into the vegetable garden, and didn’t communicate this with me or the kids. I was mad at him again. “Why aren’t you communicating with me”: I said. If he had shared this information I could have acted upon it and than the fire wouldn’t had gone out. I didn’t even think about my own responsibility. Than P. reminded me of the laundry that was still hanging outside, he asked if I could take it inside. And than the bomb exploded, I was so fed up with him. I started coughing and went into a hyperventilation attack. I directed myself and went outside to get the laundry inside while doing the 4 count breathing. Within seconds the attack went away. Than I decided to stop right there in that moment with all the bullshit I had been participated in today. I did self forgiveness out loud.

Tomorrow must be another day without all these feeding of energy. If I keep doing things this way, process is going to be a though path. I know when I’m participating within these energies, I’m fully aware, therefore I need to take my responsibility for all my actions and all my words, spoken or in thoughts. I need to do the equality equation at all times and change me within the moment and breath.