Hot chocolate and a nice fire in the fireplace 03/03/2011

Last night it started snowing again and it snowed throughout the night. This morning when I woke up the whole world was white, covered in wet, heavy and sticky snow. My partner P. and I had to do our groceries so we took the car and went to the next town. The road was far more clean then we had expected, we even drove behind a tractor that was cleaning the road.

I looked outside while sitting in the car and watched this winter landscape. My associations with a snowy landscape are those of inconveniences. To most people this landscape appeals to the imagination and they experience it as romantic. They connect the landscape to for instance hot chocolate, skating, skiing, fire place and a feeling of comfort. For my son J. snow meant Christmas even if we not really celebrated Christmas.

So when people do see a snowy landscape they immediately step out of reality and hide themselves in all kind of memories and associations around snow. Thereafter they tell you how much they like snow and you are no longer talking to someone here in that moment, instead you talk to someone that  is entangled in all kind of past tense delusions.

When I watched the trees today, while looking outside the car, I didn’t see any romantic scenery. This kind of sticky snow is quite heavy on the branches of trees and shrubs. They are in a way fighting for their life or at least their health. When the snow get too heavy and the wind hasn’t been able to blow some of the snow off the branches will snap under the weight of the snow. That was what I saw many many branches snapped and still hanging half attached to the tree or shrubs. So the trees and shrubs have in a way open wounds within freezing weather, how could that in any way what so ever be romantic.

How come that we are so deluded that we can not even see what is really going on. Nature is struggling and crying out in pain and we gossip while sipping our hot choco. It’s really sick to an extent that we are so fucked up, not facing ourselves and not all taking responsibility that we turn off our head from reality and disappear within our mind. The bad news is that we not only treat trees and shrubs like shit we do it with all of creation including ourselves. Sick. Time to stand up and take responsibility, we have to, before our world collapse and diminish and we still celebrate the beauty of nature while spreading light and love to blind us till eternity.

Equality goes beyond the human kingdom 06/01/2011

Today I saw my  8 month old kitten in the pine tree at the end of a branch. A spot that he normally not chooses to sit on. Then when I looked closer I saw the big fat red tomcat from across the street sitting at the beginning of the branch close to the trunk. For a moment I experienced anger coming up, but as soon as it came it went away. This next door cat has caused us a lot of misery with his never ending attacking of all the other cats in the neighborhood. My kitten was grunting at the big fat tomcat, the tomcat didn’t seem at ease high up in the tree. The tomcat named Pallino had probably been chasing our kitten Sieb, since Sieb is much faster than good old fat Pallino he climbed the tree. Last summer Pallino found out that he was capable of climbing trees so more threat for the neighborhood cats.

 

As I said at first I felt anger responding to memories of Pallino and his behavior. Then I realised that it is a matter of abuse, his owners refuse to castrate Pallino for whatever reason, so Pallino keeps acting within his program as a tomcat with all consequences. I tried to throw pebbles against his butt, but he didn’t really notice it. I also considered it as a mean action to take. So I tried to make a plan on how to get Pallino out of the pine tree. In the end I took a broom and started softly jabbing him to make him go out of the tree. He got meanly angry with the broom and wouldn’t let go, while making bizar screaming sounds. He was afraid to fall down and grabbed the tree firmly. So plan B also failed. Then one of my neighbors walked by and asked what I was doing, I explained the situation. He said: “Just give me the broom”, and started pushing the cat out of the tree. I had been too soft on the tomcat out of fear to hurt him or make his owners mad, you never know who is watching behind the closed curtains. I took my kitten Sieb at least half a hour before he felt sure enough to get out of the tree.

 

Repeatedly I hear people say how beautiful the animal kingdom is, they talk about it in a kind of romantic way. I never understood this, why we should make the animal kingdom more than humans or nature. There are  a lot of examples in the animal kingdom that show us how much we are walking minds and how much more they are aware, but don’t let us forget that also animals live in this reality and are equipped with an ego just as we and run on a pre-programming. We have the responsibility to take care of our domestic animals in the best interest of all. Acting out of emotions and feelings as love will not only lead to abuse of the animal, but will affect his direct surroundings.

 

Wanting or longing for an animal isn’t different then wanting a new car, pair of jeans or a new couch. The difference is the amount of suffering that’s opposed upon the wanted item and the consequences attached to that. My other neighbor has a special dog that is trained to search for truffles, the truffle season takes only place in a short period of the year. So within the season the dog is treated well and walked with, during the rest of the year the dog stays in his outside cage and doesn’t get much attention. During the day and night the dog cries in his cage. I find it hard to be exposed to this sound and not being able to do or mean something to the dog. Even if I should walk this dog, then I do not consider all the other dogs in the same situation and make this one special due to my experience of his crying. These truffle dogs and also hunting dogs are abandoned as soon as they do not perform optimal anymore. The woods have lots of dogs that roam through nature, a real problem which nobody addresses and on which there are no laws or legislations.

 

We can indeed learn from the animal kingdom how to stick to our principles and how to act and function as a group without specialness issues.

 

 

The witch in me 27/11/2010

The persecution of witches started around the 5th century AD when Christianity occurred, the witches were accused for political, religious and sexual crimes. Their so called crimes were a threat to the Protestant and Catholic church as well as to the State. Also the bible speaks in Leviticus 20:27 about witches, it says: “A man also or woman that hath a familiar spirit, or that is a wizard, shall surely be put to death: they shall stone them with stones: their blood shall be upon them.”

The hunting for witches took place from the 5th century AD till the 17th century AD in Europe. Between 1500 and 1600, about 80,000 witches were accused and executed, 80% of them were women. The 17th century AD was a horrible era for women who were a bit “different” from the rest. These witches were tortured in different ways and ended up death at all times. They were stripped naked and shaved of all their body hair, then they were subjected to thumbscrews and the rack, spikes and bone-crushing “boots,” starvation and beatings. The water test was commonly used to determine if one was a witch. The accused person was thrown into the water and only the ones that were floating were stigmatised as witches and payed for the stigma with their life’s. The ones who sank were innocent, but anyways death by drawning. The witch-craze did not arise spontaneously in the peasantry. It was the ruling class that feared these people and therefore terrorized them in order to keep the masses under control. At the end of the 17th century witchcraft trials begun to diminish throughout Europe. Some countries such as Holland adopted a more tolerant attitude towards witchcraft. Voltaire said: “The witches have stopped to exist when we have stopped to burn them”. Regrettable enough the damage that was done upon humanity didn’t end with a tolerant attitude and the stopping of burning people.

What kind of people were these witches? Overall women who were healers, unlicensed doctors, anatomists of western history, bortionists, nurses, counsellors, pharmacists and midwives. Witches were the only autonomous healers, serving the peasant population as women and the poor. The witch was a triple threat to the Church: They were generally  women. They were organized within an underground of peasant women. And they were a healers whose practice was based in empirical study. For Christianity, this meant that they held out the hope of change in this world.

After these centuries women were replaced/suppressed by men. We women, already accepted and allowed ourselves to be enslaved within our menstruation cycles, but with men in power enforced by the Church and State we were no longer able to be “free” and creative humans outside our own homes. Conventional medicine took over the role of healers, male professionals outran women with their superior technology. By then male “science” was more or less automatically replaced by female superstition, which from then on was called “old wives’ tales.” The strange thing is that male professionals clung unto untested doctrines and ritualistic practices, while it were the women healers who represented a more humane, empirical approach to healing. Male science and medical education was controlled by the Medieval Church, with the support of kings, princes and secular authorities. The rights and medical care for the poor and women was automatically no longer existent.

Since the witch hunts, women have been associated with witches and this negative picture of witches which is all that has remained. This cruel exclusion of women out of society and out of healing professions became a theme within history. Women had been seen as evil and cooperating with the devil himself, therefore they were a threat to the Church and State who feared them. They believed that the more satanic powers women had and therefore the more power to help themselves, the less they were dependent on God, the Church and the State and the more they were potentially able to use their own powers against God’s order.

This part of history won’t go by unnoticed, because the evidence of what happend is still in our DNA through epigenetics. Since we humans inherited the sins of the fathers we have a lot to sort out. Stuck in history and the ones that came before us we still live within the fears made and believed by our fathers. So I asked myself, what does this practically mean in daily life to me? How much witch is there still in me? I started investigating within myself.

When I say the word witch out loud, I do not consciously feel a negative charge to this word. After researching this subject I’m really amazed how much influence this one point in history had and still has. The word witch, I associate with nature, natural cures and witchcraft as in fantasy power. When I look into history it was the beginning of fear of authority created by the Church and State, fear of free speech, keeping the sheeple under control, power struggles between man and woman and the beginning of modern medicine or shall I say quackery?

To get more clarity on the subject I muscle communicated for the feeling, normally. Than I found out that this word originated between 1590-1600, the period in which the witch hunt was at it’s worst. To understand this feeling I tested for a book and came up with the following sentences: ” that to which you resist, will stay. Where you look at, will disappear. For me this sentences had to do with my struggle with authority, or fear for authority. Although after testing it had to do with fear in general/normal. So the fear I resist, will stay. The fear I I’m able to look at, will disappear. Wow, so true. I’m astonished, the in heritage of the witch hunt which is in my DNA, results in daily life for me in resisting fear. Not wanting to face all my fears. I can only do so much and take one fear at the time, but clearly there will be fears that I don’t want to face. This information challenged me and I wanted to find at least one fear that I haven’t been willing to face yet. I muscle communicated for the emotion, quieting. Which meant not obtrusive, which led me to the word protruding. Meaning the fear of protrusive behavior of others upon me. That does make sense. After testing I found out that this fear was a direct outflow of the fear for authority which is originated in the medieval period and connected to the witch hunt. Wow again. Look how fucked we are with the sins of the fathers, it’s this big spider web or matrix with interconnections everywhere. I’m overwhelmed, but than again I wanted to know this. Now I know, I know where these fears originate from and I understand how much ripples there are in the water when I throw in a stone. I start to understand what the impact of the words responsibility and consequences are, it’s huge. It’s huge yet we have to take it on in order to birth ourselves into the physical. Happy process, Sylvia.

Than I asked myself how much witch there is in me. I tested for the word slime, meaning a worthless person according to the slang dictionary. Wow, I just found out that my cyst on my lateral thigh stands for worthlessness. So this interconnects, because also that tested out to be inherited.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to resist fear in general.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not want to face all my fears, instead of knowing that I need to forgive all my fears.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make excuses for not taking on all my fears.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear protrusive behavior of others upon me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to do things alone and not to ask for help when I could use it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe I have to be strong and do things on my own.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear authority.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel strangled when authority is put upon me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the information that I found by feeling overwhelmed.